Just A Little Thing Really… by M. Emmett Townsend

Just A Little Thing Really…

          This evening in our home we were blessed to be able to witness the effect of real emotional and sociological growth in my youngest son, Samuel. Samuel is 7 and he is Autistic, high functioning, but he still struggles. He does not yet read or do math but has learned recently how to write his first name, and he loves to sing.  All in all Sam is a very good boy but developmentally behind and at times he gets frustrated trying to communicate and get along with people.

Like most young children Sam struggles with the sharing of toys and things, in fact it tends to try to get hold of any new thing toy or otherwise from his older brother and sister.  Sometimes this means he gets angry if they wont share right away, (they are allowed not to share an item if it is a brand new thing to them, it is only fair that they get time with a new toy or something they created before having to share it) and he tries to bully them at times or cries to Mom or Dad for us to get the toy for him.  We do not give in because we feel part of learning to share is learning to know when to let others enjoy their own things and not be selfish.

Well today my daughter Mara, decided to work on a costume idea for Halloween.  In this she made a cardboard shield and sword, the shield with an animal drawn on the front as well. Sam, of course, immediately, started trying to get it from her, even dropping all the fireman trappings he had been wearing (plastic hat and fake Fire hose with backpack).  First he asked, then he demanded, and she responded with Mom he always tries to take the things I make for costumes… But she kindly relented on her own and allowed him to use them, of course with me stipulating to Sam, that they are hers and she is only letting him borrow them. 

This seemed to go ok, at least for a while but, eventually she wanted to use them herself.  You can probably anticipate that Sam was not going to be in the mood to give them back or share.  I cringed internally, knowing that a clash was about to happen and yes it did. 

I let them try to solve it for a moment or two before interceding. Due to Samuels' self focused view of the world he tends to not relent without some Parental guidance. He argued when I informed him that he needs to give the shield and sword back to his sister, but then gave in once I began counting. (Counting is a way we have of giving him time to comply before any negative consequences for disobedience happen.)  As he began to comply and give the items to his sister he spoke up and said, "I know Mara, how about this, how about you make a shield and sword for me?" I know this is "just a little thing really", but for us this is huge. It gives us insight to the wonderful progress he has made both emotionally and intellectually.  First to give up the toys without tears and a temper tantrum, and then for him to think in the abstract of something his sister could do, and finally to ask for it nicely. 

Just 3 1/2 years ago Samuel could only use three word sentences and most of the time used 2 words, like "want juice", "Mom food" and the like. Oh he said other things, but his language ability was stalled both intellectually (knowing what to say) as well as in how to speak (form the words correctly with his mouth and vocal cords), in fact his words were mangled as to be beyond the ability of most people to understand, even the 2 word sentences. Keeping that in mind, for us to now hear our son give in without tears and then ask his sister to make something for him was truly a wonder. The world didn't stop, the wars didn't end, and hunger was not stamped out, but a child grew… So, perhaps that is not such a small thing after all.

© Oct 18, 2006 M. Emmett Townsend