More Hospital Adventures

Folded into a W in the hospital bed, sabers of pain slicing through my middle, I was now a Bone of Contention between Nurse Stoneface and Nurse Fatass, one on each side of the bed, firing shots across my bow:   "I have to give her meds! She doesn't have a line!  Why doesn't she have a line?"

"I don't know.  They were supposed to put one in."

"Well, they didn't.  You have to."

"No I don't.  You do it."

I thought it best to intervene on my own behalf.  I moaned an explanation of my lack of IV port, told them they needed to send for a specialist to stick me.  Wavering between relief and annoyance, they grumbled their way out of the room after deciding to call 'someone'. 

I waited.  And waited.  And, yep…waited some more while a herd of camels caravanned through my arid mouth, now glued tightly shut.  Finally, 'someone' showed up, shoved a small squeezy ball into my palm, slapped my hand soundly several times, folded one rubber-gloved mitt around mine and plunged an icepick into a vein with the other.  Plastic tube making an upside down U behind my index finger, needle strapped down with layers of sticky tape, I lay there while more bustling went on around me.  A bag of saline solution was hung and inserted into my line (Yay! I had a line!) along with several other hypodermically inserted medications.  "Water?" I croaked.  "No!" came the reprimand.  "Ice chips?" I managed to whisper.  This was apparently a novel idea, but the baby aide allowed as how that was probably okay and, not even an hour later, set a cupful of ice on the sliding tray alongside the bed, almost within my reach!  I managed to grab the call button/microphone/TV control thingie and pushed the red button.  A disembodied voice asked "Can I help you?"  Not knowing to whom I was speaking, I was slightly hesitant to ask for medication…hell, it could have been a DEA agent on the other end… but I was desperate so I asked it I could have something for pain.  "Someone will be right there", the Voice from the Other Side assured.

To be continued