When Should You Help, or When Should You Just...

I have a female friend that I have known and kept in touch with for the last 36 years. She has gone through so much physically, and now she has another hurdle to deal with.

When I first met *Denise, she explained to me that she had epilepsy. That was in the 1970's. By 1980 my husband and I had moved to another state and Denise's doctors in Iowa City determined that she had a cancerous tumor on her brain and that she needed surgery. That surgery happened in 1988, and she did not have chemo, but she did have radiation. She lost most of her hair, but not her fighting spirit.

It is now 2006 and her husband told me the other day that after she had an MRI in Iowa City last month that the doctors told him that they thought she had all the symptoms of NPH (Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus) and they wanted her to have surgery to put in a shunt.

Here is the catch: Their insurance doesn't cover the surgery! When he talked to his insurance company, they told him to write a letter asking for a one time payment for this surgery she needs.

I don't think her husband knows what to do. I suggested that he contact her referring doctor where they live in Missouri and ask them to help him write this letter. I would like to help my friend and her husband, but I don't know if I should try to or not. I think they are open to help.

Do any of you have comments to make on this?

Comments: 7

Amanda K. Oct 17, 2006, 3:38pm EDT

Just ask them. Explain that you want to help in any way you can and ask them to let you know if your overstepping your bounds. People are often scared to ask friends for help, for fear that they are pestering or being a burden. Open those lines of communication up. Good luck to you and your friend. If you want to talk or vent feel free to e-mail me at intensedesigns@cox.net. Have an awesome day.

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Dee W. Oct 17, 2006, 3:44pm EDT

When one is seeking to make an insurance company do something that they do not wish to do, generally any help given is welcomed. If you are close enough to them that you know all this, I would say that you are close enough to be able to tell them that you want to help in more concrete ways than simply being a sounding board. Dive in. If they don't want your help, they can toss you right back out.

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Webduck * Oct 17, 2006, 6:57pm EDT

Thanks Amanda and Dee. You both give sound advice. I did talk to my friend today and she may talk to her husband tonight. Communication is one of the problems she has though.

You guys have an awesome day too.

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David Rochester Oct 17, 2006, 7:00pm EDT

If you have the knowledge and ideas to help them out, by all means do it. As I read your post, you are not offering to help them financially, or suggesting that you intervene in a way that would be embarrassing or inappropriate. If you know something they don't, and they are confused, then offer your help. Don't push it, just let them know you have a couple of ideas, and you're happy to share those ideas if they need them.

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Dawne Joy Oct 17, 2006, 8:23pm EDT

Sometimes the social security administration may help in a dire situation, or they will refer her to earlymedicare or medicaid. If you called the Welfare office and explained the situation, they might be able to point you in the right direction. They probally know who to contact, and you could give them this information.

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Webduck * Oct 18, 2006, 4:16am EDT

Update: I did decide to call my friend and she was very open to the information that I had for her. After she and I talked, I called back and talked to her husband, and he has written a letter to the insurance company, so all I could tell him was that if he needed me to do anything else, to please ask. Sometimes, it just helps people to know that someone else is 'there' for them and would help. Thanks everyone, for all your great advice and comments.

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Ruth MacGill Oct 18, 2006, 7:48am EDT

I say - since it would be very helpful, try to help them. Ask first. It's better to make a mistake of commission that a mistake of omission.

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When Should You Help, or When Should You Just Butt Out?

Comments: 7

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