Virtuous Woman

Virtuous woman;

I always wanted to be one,

the kind of woman who

always does the right thing,

never gives into temptation

despite her pain;

But I've never been

who I set out to be;

I've always seen someone else

looking back at me.

Sometimes I've been ashamed

of the face in the mirror,

and sometimes I've cried bitter tears

because I knew that she knew no better.

What is a person to do with all of the pain?

What is a person supposed to hold on to

when it seems there is nothing left to gain?

How easy it is to lose oneself

in a momentary touch,

in words that ring true for awhile;

How easy it it to believe you're special

when you feel anything but;

And how easy it is to deceive yourself

into believing you aren't such a bad person;

Deep inside you know differently.

Deep inside you know the difference

between right and wrong,

but the pain is so deep,

it sucks you in, and the fear

of loneliness keeps you from

putting your head above the water.

A virtuous woman?

No.  Not me.

I still want to be.

Maybe someday I will be.

But for now, I'm just me;

Broken and fragile,

held together by hope

that one day

that woman I will be.