The Gather Gnome Shanghaied in China? - Vol.1 #28

    "Why are you hiding in the bushes?" Bruce said, checking his reflection in his mirrored sunglasses.
"Am I ever glad to see you. The cats, Merlin and Coco are here."
"I don't see anyone."
    That's the thing about Bruce.  He's nice to look at, movie star handsome you might say but a few cans short of a six pack. I didn't mind. I was thrilled that he and his trusty limo could pick me up and get  me the hell out of here before I became cat food.  Bruce scooped me up and placed me in the limo. The door shut with a satisfying click. I snuggled into the soft leather back seat, happy to be leaving.
    "What the ..." A sound of screeching and scratching, not unlike chalk on a blackboard emanated from the rear window. Two pairs of blue feline eyes stared me down. Who ever invented glass, thank-you. I stuck out my tongue at them and wiggled my ears.
    Bruce took a few pot shots at the Siamese  devils with a nine iron but Merlin sliced him good. A few choice expletives later, Bruce slammed the door shut and burned rubber.
    "Oh my goodness, you're bleeding."  I reached into my bag for a hankie. Merlin's handiwork left an American flag of a stripe on Bruce's chiseled cheek."
    "Oh, no! I start shooting my new film next week." He dabbed the blood with my hankie, the one Swanhilda had given me. "That's the reason I was able to pick up you up after all. And now my beautiful botoxed skin is ruined!"
    I tugged at my beard, sick with remorse. "What's the role?"
    "The lead in Alien 3000."
    I licked my lips. "Won't you be wearing lots of make-up?"
    Bruce slumped over the wheel with a sheepish grin on his face.     "I guess you're right. So, Inkvon, where to?"
    "LAX, my friend. I'm taking the first flight to China."
    We said our good-byes and I entered the terminal with my suitcase lighter. Why is it every time I see Bruce, my cash cache dwindles?
    "I'd like a ticket for the first flight to China."
    "The pretty Asian girl at the counter smiled and said, "Beijing or Shanghai?"
    "Which one leaves sooner?"
    "Flight 5790 leaves in 29 minutes to Shanghai. I have one first class seat available." Her calm robotic voice lulled me into a stupor. I didn't even flinch when she mentioned the price. "That will be $8,130 Mr. Gnome and it will be leaving from Gate 29."
     I shuffled my papers, grateful that gnomes don't require passports since the international treaty of Gnome Clan Recognition. "Do cats require passports?" I asked, steeling myself for the answer.
    "No passports, no but a vaccination certificate and health certificate. 'She smiled her robotic smile. "There is also a mandatory quarantine for thirty days."
    "Quarantine? Why, that's the best news I've had all day."
    "Have a nice flight."