I would appreciate some feedback on this, please.
From the very depths of my soul,
I cry,
as someone lost,
in darkest Hades,
bemoaning,
a lost love that was supposed
to have lasted a lifetime.
A love, to carry me past the
loneliness of old age,
even to the edge of my grave.
There, I would have waited,
for you forever,
if need be.
But you pushed me past the edge,
and death has overshadowed me.
My bones have dried up,
a shroud of flesh covers them.
No longer do I seek out laughter.
That is left for the living.
I am alone,
and you carry on.
You, and your
Mid-Life Crisis.
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Comments: 11
The content of this is just gut-wrenching. I am very touched by your having shared it.
If this is from a personal experience, you are really beginning to blossom by writing about the depths of your sorrow. It is very easy to follow what has gone on here. You deserve a 10 for content.
As Gather says: "Gather is a unique place to connect with people and share your thoughts. You've done that quite well. There are times when technicalities don't matter. Substance does.
I have done some editing, I hope this makes it better. I appreciate advice
a lost love that was supposed
to have lasted a lifetime.<<
I certainly feel and share the pain you so well described in your poem. Mine of 20 years, in his mid-life crisis, left me for his child-hood sweetheart, married her and then he died two years later. It takes a lot of time to get over the abandoned feelings and feelings of guilt of "What did I do wrong?"
Your poem is perfect as it is now, but as time goes on, you should come back to it. At that time you will have a wiser perspective and will probably want to add that wisdom to it.
Thanks for sharing and putting into words what many people cannot.