We all know we could run this country better than the folks currently in charge...When I am elected (and I will be), I shall do all of this and more. If you would like to contribute to my campaign, please send cash only.( In Swedish Kronor.)
Here are my Top Ten Campaign Promises:
1) Elimination of all speed limits... if you get in a wreck, you were going too fast. Period.
2) Death penalty to slow drivers in the left lane. It's a passing lane damn it! Get the hell out of my way! grrr
3) I will repeal all laws that the government had no business passing in the first place... helmets, seat belts, stepping on my parental rights, illegal wiretaps, torture, illegal detainment without due process... all of em. Gone. POOF.
4) Gays will have every single right now enjoyed by heteros. There should be NO differentiation here.
5) No inheritance tax. The tax was freakin paid on that money already..what's with the double pop here? BS!
6) No taxes on Unemployment. It's insurance. No taxes on ANY type of insurance payouts...and instead of putting an ad out for jobs, the unemployment office should be hiring the 5,000 folks standing right there in line. As slow as it moves, they obviously need help...
7) Child molesters will be hanged at noon every Saturday in public. Popcorn and sodas will be provided for spectators.
8) Idiotic filers of stupid-assed lawsuits will be hanged also...along with their lawyers, the judges, AND the juries that rule in their favor. The dumb-asses suing tobacco companies will be hanged first. (my apologies to the state of Florida, but come on man... you were making the damn things, then ya turned around sued some other manufacturer of them? I'm hanging you twice.)
9) All voters will be forced to pass a test... not an IQ test, a common freakin sense test.
10) Heath Ledger, Brendan Fraser, Sean Connery, George Clooney, and Gabriel Byrne shall grow their hair long and wear kilts at all times, battle ready. In fact, wouldn't it be nice if all males did the same..?
And Look! A Bonus eleventh promise!
11) The next person who says 'this place needs cleaned' rather than, like, picking up a broom.. shall be drawn and quartered as a warning to the rest of them...
Go on now. Publish your own campaign promises!
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Comments: 20
Some 90 year old lady killed someone recently and they are not sure if they will issue a citation!
#1 All felony crimes will result in a 10 year prison term. First offense. No pleas. Goodbye. Throw away the key.
#2 Rapists and child molesters will be put to death, no waiting, speed-pass lane straight to the electric chair (low voltage, I want it to be as unpleasant as possible)
#3 People who kill people because they help women get abortions will be beaten to death with tack hammers.
#4 All organized religion will be abolished. God is just fine, but when people get together in the name of man-made religions, they always get violent in the end.
#5 Gay marriage will be abolished. I have nothing against gay people. Just against marriage because I will be abolishing ALL marriage. Heheh got ya. If you eliminate marriage, you eliminate divorce and you eliminate divorce lawyers and divorce court. Find another way to prove your devotion to each other. Tattoo her name on your arse for God's sake.
#6 Anyone who is a member of a racist organization will be tarred, feathered and kicked out. I dont care if it is kicked out of the country or the planet or the solar system just so long as they are kicked out.
#7 Drunk drivers will lose their license for 10 years first offense, if no one was injured. Drunk drivers who injure other drivers will lose their license for life and go to jail for 20 years. Drunk drivers who kill... Death penalty.
#8 Anyone who is determined to be a dumb-ass will be forced to wear a helmet. Come on now... You know who you are.
#9 Anyone stupid enough to vote for me will have to wear an I'm with stupid t-shirt that has an arrow pointing up.
Number six made me laugh the hardest.
All applications for a seat on my cabinet must be accompanied by either sufficient filing fees, or way-cool pictures of guys in kilts.