The "L word"

What is it about that one little word that makes even the most refined adult cringe, just thinking about saying it for the first time? If anyone finds out, please let me know!

I am thirty-four years old. I have loved, and been loved. I have said those words before, so why is it that everytime I think about trying, I choke??? I tell my children twenty times a day, or more, how much I love them. I tell my Mom, my Dad, my brothers and sisters, even a few close friends... but when I look at the man who is sharing my life, my bed, my deepest thoughts and fears, the words just will not come.

I never planned to fall in love with this man. It was fun... it wasn't supposed to be anything more. After all, I have been there, done that. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me, just thought that it wouldn't hurt to have another friend... it didn't hurt that he was so good-looking, sweet and funny. And I don't fall in love... I just don't do it. It's easier for me to be teased by my children for, "being a hermit", than to even consider letting someone get close. My friends tease me about hating men... I don't hate them, just have no use for one in my life...

And along comes James...

Within a week, I knew I was in trouble. I told my best friend, "this is someone who could sweep me off my feet". I raised my guard higher. We had our first fight, and that gave me the excuse to raise my guard to its highest level... so what happened??? I don't know what it is about this man. I try my hardest to hate him, yet all it takes is a look to make me melt.

I talked to my sister a few weeks after James and I started dating. I told her that I didn't want to do it again. She told me I was being unfair to myself... to just enjoy the ride... I'll bet she didn't expect me to ride it this far!

At night, when he holds me, my mind starts working... all those things I would never say aloud start nagging... the words come to my lips, but I will not let them escape.

Unless he decides to get on Gather to see what's going on, which is doubtful, as he is not much of a computer person, this man may never know my true feelings. Maybe it is safer that way...

That one little word... it can really drive a person crazy!!!

Comments: 10

Nonalee ~. Oct 10, 2006, 9:59am EDT

My first thought was to say, "Just tell him!" Obviously, some connection is there... Has he said it to you first? I didn't want you to say those "3 little words" without the same response/feelings in return. It's so easy to say "I Love You" to children and family, because we know those feelings are reciprocated unconditionally. It's the nagging fear of "what if I say it and he doesn't know how to say it back?" If you watch Grey's Anatomy, this same theme is prevalent in the relationship between George and Callie. Callie has said it, George doesn't know how to say it back. I'm still leaning toward, "just saying it." I don't know where the following quote is from, but it is fitting here... "Nothing risked, nothing gain..."

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Cena W. Oct 10, 2006, 11:19am EDT

Does he say this to you?

In a romantic relationship it is used as signal by men and women for different things.

A demand for surrender, surrender, posession, control, deceit, a signal of deep committment, a pretense of committment, and many other ideas.

I wouldn't say it unless I knew what the word meant to the person I say it to.

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Susan *. Oct 10, 2006, 11:26am EDT

I was like you Alicia for a long time...hesitant to use the "L word" and then my hubby came into my life....I didn't think about it though and put the idea out of my mind until one day it just came naturally....and was reciprocated as well. My advise would be to say that if you have to think about it, it isn't time to say it...when the time is right it will come out without thinking...take it easy and enjoy the experience, you deserve it!

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Stephanie A. (On vacation) Oct 10, 2006, 12:15pm EDT

I have to agree with you, Alicia. Those words can cause quite a fuss when it comes to the opposite sex. I hope it all works out well, and you continue to enjoy the ride.

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Linda R. Oct 10, 2006, 1:38pm EDT

If you really love him, tell him so. Your feelings won't get any more or less intense by putting them into words. You've already become vulnerable by getting into the relationship. Just saying the words won't make you any more vulnerable but it will let the man know how you feel and how much he means to you.

Consider this. What if (God Forbid) something happened to one or the other of you and you never told him. Hopefully it won't happen, but it could. Say "I love you" while you still have a chance and keep saying it unless you no longer mean it.

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Amanda "middle of nowhere" C. Oct 10, 2006, 6:49pm EDT

I think a good bit of caution is wise whenever you're using the "L" word in conjunction with the opposite sex. At the same time, you can't change how you feel. If you "L," you "L." Does not saying it change the way you feel? No. It may just enable you to stay in denial a little bit longer. While saying it does carry a risk, I think not saying it may carry the greater risk. If you say it, then you both have a chance to evaluate the relationship and decide if it is exclusive and if the feelings are mutual. The longer you wait, the deeper you're going to fall. I wouldn't want to take that fall alone. If it were me, I would tell him.

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William M. Oct 10, 2006, 9:52pm EDT

Fear.

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Michelle T. Oct 10, 2006, 11:15pm EDT

Oh, I am so much like you. Therefore, I am not going to tell you what I would do. A lot of good points have been made here. You never know what tomorrow will bring, that is OH so true! However, if you are truly like me, sometimes it's hard to tell if you are in love with him, the idea of him or with the moment. Only you can truly know the answer to that. I say if you TRULY love him, wait no longer...tell him NOW!! Don't think about what will happen if you say it, if you mean it, say it. This is all so easy for me to say, I'm not the one in your shoes. :)

Good luck to you both and the relationship. Be guarded, but not too guarded!

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Baylee C. Oct 20, 2006, 10:53pm EDT

I really appreciate the thought you all put into your comments! Well, the night after I wrote this, he told me, for the first time without joking around, that he loves me. Problem is, I STILL have been unable to quite "go there". I will feel sooo ready, but then he starts completely goofing off or something, and the time just never feels right. Last night, he did tell me that he is a bit upset that I won't tell him... and that bothered me. Honestly, the way I feel is that, at least he knows I don't just say it to anyone... when I say it, he will know for sure that I mean it. I mean, I know I do... but right now, it just feels like there is WAY too much pressure... and that isn't the way I want to reach that step.

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Nancy * Oct 23, 2006, 2:15pm EDT

I have similar trouble, Alicia. I think that it is something that will flow freely when you are comfortable, and the pressure, as you've seen, isn't helping. If you are like me, you only tell people you love them if you are 100% sure that 1.) you do :) and 2.) that once you let them in, they aren't going to somehow hurt you ... because only the people you really care about can hurt you the deepest, because they are so close.

I think it's great that you value love, and don't toss the word around as though it has little meaning -- those who are told that you love them will really truly know that you do, as opposed to some who salt every other sentence with "love" this, that, and everything/everyone else on the planet.

By the way, congrats on finding someone special enough to bring you so close to the "L" word " :) :) :)

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