Reverse Discrimination - or just plain ignorance

Reverse Discrimination – or just ignorance.

I just don't get it.  Why is it, that because I'm "white", when I make a decision that puts a black child out – the bench, I'm talking softball here – it's because I'm white and they are black.

It has nothing to do with the fact that the child had behaved badly, been disrespectful, rude, mean – or in the case of a team sport, that it's their time to come out so another child can have their turn.

And instead of the parents coming to me and asking what or why something is happening that they don't understand, the immediate conclusion to the situation is that I'm white and they're black, and that's why their child is not getting the star treatment that the parents feel their child should be receiving, from me, a volunteer.

Yes, I am WHITE.  I am married to a person of Hispanic decent and is the father of my "Hispanic" child. 

So far in my experience with these specific parents of this specific child, they do not volunteer in any their children's activities – I asked about this last season.  The also do not stay and watch during practices.  At game times, the team is expected to show up 1 hour before game time.  This child is dropped of late, usually 15 – 20 minutes, the parents leave and usually show back up half way thru the game.

By this time their child may have already played the required time, or if she is put back in the game it's not in the position the parents expect her to be playing and immediately "attack" the dug out – me the manager, or our coaches, questioning to a point of being confrontational as to why their child isn't playing 2^nd base.

They don't seem to understand any of the explanations, and the list is a mile long – if we even get this far.  Immediately I am told that she's sitting out because she's black.  I've asked them to stay and let's talk after the game, but they don't stay – as soon as the game is over they've packed up their child and are gone – if they've waited until the game is over.

At the end of last season, I wrote a letter to our board, explaining my perspective and experience with this family and asked that if that child is allowed to participate that her parents should be made to participate.  Otherwise, the child and family needs to go elsewhere.

So here we are again, for our "fall ball" season, when it's supposed to be kick back, and there's the same girl, with her bad attitude and lack of ability playing outfield and bench, and her angry parents – doing it again! 

Luckily they are not on my team (I say my team because I was asked to manage, again! – because their weren't enough parent volunteers!).  We did however have to play against their team for our first game.  It was the same thing all over again.  I watched these parents attack the coach and manager (who just happen to be WHITE!) during 3^rd inning when they showed up to watch!  Their child had played the first inning (let a rolling short outfield hit go right by her because she was turned around watching the parking lot, probably wondering where her parents were – totally off in space) and then struck out at the plate, never even swang the bat, both times.

I don't get it!  What is with this?  This isn't the first time I've seen this attitude.  My (Hispanic) brother in law constantly uses the excuse that he's Mexican and that's why he didn't get this job, or that opportunity.  We've had many a heated argument at Holiday time because I get so sick of hearing him blame anyone but himself for his life being the way it is.  It is such a joke too, he is as Mexican as I am German – my heritage.

At my very first "real" job, I worked with two black women.  I only label them this way for this story.  I don't even think of them by their skin, it just seems so weird.  Anyways, one of these women was unstoppable – just one of the most dynamic forces I've ever known in my life, someone who to this day is a very close friend of mine.  She is probably a very close friend to a lot of people.  Always upbeat, positive, she is a true "Mover and Shaker" in her community.  Yes, we've had "race" conversations, but truly no more than I would have with anyone else I know, regardless of their heritage. I've never heard her blame the color of her skin for anything that didn't go her way. 

But the other woman… that was a whole different thing.  She was completely incapable to of doing anything outside the specific guidelines of her job description – that she would carry with her and refer to whenever someone asked her to do anything (this was a State job, back in the early 80's).  If she could not find the requested task within her job description she would say "NO".  Then she would launch into a tirade of how "They" were always trying to take advantage of the black people, and that black people have to tell "the Man" no, or else their whole lives would be controlled by the White Race.

It was disgusting to listen to.  It was even worse being the only white girl in the department at the time and having her anger and bitterness directed at me, as if I was directly responsible.  As time when on, this woman was sent farther and farther into the lost cubicles that state jobs become.  She is probably turning papers over, one at a time, placing a date stamp on it, and passing it to the next cubicle.  I hope it fits her job description.

I don't know…  I don't know what to say to these people that will first, get them to just stop and listen, and then get them to participate or at least be there to see how their child behaves, or at least see how her abilities compare to her teammates.  I would at the very least hope they would see that softball is not their girls sport, and that she could be seriously injured out there.  She really is a pretty girl and I'd hate to see her get her nose broken or worse, because a ball has been thrown at her and she can't catch it or isn't paying attention – something that's happened too many times to count already.  On our last game at the end of last years regular season she got hit in the face with a line drive because she wasn't paying attention, even with 3 coaches yelling at her.  Luckily she didn't need stitches but it was ugly.  And of course the parents weren't there when it happened and the scene when they did show up and created was just as ugly.

I don't know what to do about this.  It makes me not want to volunteer; it makes me want to move my kid somewhere else to play.  But, who's to say it will be better anywhere else.

It is very discouraging to learn that kids are being taught to believe that they are judged by their color and heritage – something they can't control, rather than their attitudes and behavior – something they can.