Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
- Virginia Satir
"Supposed to be?" Who said that? Who says, with authority, what is supposed to be about life?
People.
The fact is that people have (and teach to others) all sorts of unreasonable and unsupportable expectations of life. That includes what they expect of others as well as for themselves.
Life is nothing less than brutally cruel for every life form, including both plants and animals. Any animal that canot fend for itself for food, defence or shelter will either die or be eaten. A plant that grows in an uninviting place with too much competition or too little protection or nutrition will die. Nature shows no mercy.
Charles Darwin did not say the fittest will survive. He said that the life forms that can adapt best to changing conditions will survive. In addition to the many other skills needed to survive, successful animals and plants need to be able to adapt.
Adapting to changing environment, food and water availability, defensive ability, technology (including that which benefits the military) and even our way of life is what has made humans so successful that they can be found almost all over the planet.
One of the biggest expectations we can make about life is that it is predictable. There is nothing predictable, fair or even safe about life. At any time. Self deception or believing someone that tells us that life will be good for us will keep us from facing the truth about ourselves.
Those who are prepared to cope with life's circumstances, especially as they change, will survive and thrive best. As life seems to be changing more rapidly than previously in history (for humans), we may want to consider teaching coping skills in order to better prepared young adults for the trials and tribulations they will face later.
Bill Allin
'Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems,' striving to have social and coping skills taught to every school student.
Learn more at http://billallin.com
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Comments: 18
Once we accept the ugly realities of life, it's much easier to accommodte ourselves to having to adapt to make a go of it. As long as we expect that life owe us a living, we have a terrible life.
When we are in positions that need to change, such as the people that Robin sees, we have to make some major decisions and work to make the changes happen.
Accepting a tragic life without trying to change it is like expecting life to get better and doing nothing about it.
Campbell. Potential is a four letter word. On other grounds, we're not Job and coping is more easily said than done of course. But it is true the more hardships we endure, the more facile it is to roll with the punches. Thanks for your thought provoking article. I admire your brain and writing skills tremendously.
Susan, it's only in the past half century that people have come to believe that life is not hard (and sometimes cruel). We can't cope if we don't "get real" about life.
Amanda, I am not familiar with Joseph Campbell. But then, sometimes I can't remember the names of my own parents (which I don't feel guilty about because they didn't remember mine when they were alive).
I agree that the more hardships we endure and survive, the more rounded, sympathetic and empathetic we are. However, my concern is for the large number of people who don't survive and become emotionally impaired, addicts or suicide victims.
Mary, following up on the above, coping skills do need to be taught. They aren't hard to teach. People simply don't inherit them in their genes. It's a matter of "This is what you should do (who you should concult) when/if this tragedy strikes you down."
An ignorant child becomes a stupid or self-destructive adult.
Bill, when I get in my car I take for granted it will start, but I know that batteries die every day.
But then, deep tragedy has its own lessons to teach us.
I was raised in a sheltered world. Everything was always going to be okay no matter what. While I still subscribe to that theory somewhat and have passed it on to my children, I am learning with each passing year that nothing comes through osmosis except oxygen. Bottom line...no free rides for life for anyone. So, that being said, I have not been in the position to offer all things for free to my children as children.
I believe that one day, they will be grateful for this. My daughter already shows good form with budgeting and independence. My son, well, he'll get it.
It is the life long struggle that I must accept...for that is what God gave me to figure out. I haven't gotten it fully yet..and maybe I never will..but it is a part of my life that I have to own.
Survival of the fittest can have varying definitions. Maybe it concerns being mentally fit in one's situation and maybe physically in anothers. Moreover maybe spiritual fitness can bring survival for us all. Possibly eternal. What one of us living knows?
Until the day the riddle is answered and we are on the down side of the grass, I am going to continue to "survive" in any manner necessary that is respectable and acceptable to my own mind.
The learning curve of life always seems to be uphill. Some see that as a challenge, others as an endless trial. It's all in perspective. There is no point in being negative, as you suggested.
So very fitting for me. Thank you Bill!