Gather Gnome Wows Hollywood. The Drama Continues... Vol.1 #12

Welcome to today's edition of  the Gather Gnome. To read the continuing story, be sure to join his group Gather Gnome Adventures.

Dear reader;
There is nothing wrong with your monitor.  There is no photo of our beloved gnome today because he wouldn't let me post one, vain creature that he is.
 -The editor

    Just because gnomes aren't human doesn't mean we can't have a bad day. Nothing and I mean nada, niente, nothing went well for me today. I couldn't enjoy anything, not the top notch  room service or the tour of stars homes in Beverly Hills.  Why are my gnome pants in a knot? It's not every day a famous Hollywood actor says you look terrible. No it's worse. He said I looked like I'd escaped from a leper colony. Okay so I'm a little pale. Nothing a suntan wouldn't fix right? Wrong. The truth is I look older than my age. I'm only 225, that's not old for a gnome. Granted I've had a lot of stress lately, what with being  hunted  by a killer kitty and  held hostage. Enough kvetching, I'm off to the pool and work on my tan.
    "Shouldn't you be in the kiddy pool?" I swung my stumpy legs out of the water and looked up the long tanned legs of this Amazonian creature, make that goddess. With her cute pixie nose and waist length blonde hair, she reminded me of my first love, Freya, a Swedish gnome.
    "I'm joking." Too late. My heart shattered. She dove into the water with an elegant splash and swam to the opposite end. Whatever. She was too tall for me anyway.
    I slathered on my 399 SPF sunscreen. The last thing I needed was to add cancer to my leprosy look. A producer type glued to his blackberry, juggled three cell phones. I don't like  to  eavesdrop but the man was practically screaming in my ear.
    "We have Brad Pitt attached. No he's not changing agencies. Don't shit me. Tell your people that ass wipe at CAA owes me. We loved the treatment but it won't fly at HBO . Love you babe, see you at the Ivy."
    I pretended to read a magazine but it paled in comparison to my poolside neighbors.
    "Sir, would like some complimentary snacks with your drink?"
I grumbled, "I suppose so." A stylish platter materialized laden with guacamole and chips.  They tasted good but not as good as my own recipe.
     I like to think when eating and I spent the rest of the afternoon eating and thinking. By dinnertime, I had reservations at both the Ivy and the place Robert Downey Jr. had recommended to me, Rancho Rio Linda somewhere down Mexico  way...