On my way driving home from work this morning, a thought occurred to me. I have been in my current relationship for almost a year now. This is now the second longest relationship I've ever been in. (The longest was 2 years when I was 16 and 17, but we broke up 3 times during that time period.) I've never been truly angry at him for more than maybe an hour tops, and although he does do some thing that irritate me, I would never dream of letting him go. I kiss him every night when I wake up, and every morning when I go to bed. I've tried to imagine what my life would be like without him in it, and I truly can't comprehend the images I attempt to conjure up.
When we first met, people kept telling me that it was "just a crush", and I'd "grow out of it". Maybe that's true, maybe I'll grow out of this -- which is part of the reason I keep refusing to even discuss the topic of marriage (been there, done that, hated it, moved on). The thing is, though, the novelty has worn off, but it hasn't at the same time.
I love watching him play guitar, and I support his music, but I can't just sit and stare at him playing the same songs over and over again without getting bored (although different songs of the span of several hours still holds my attention).
I love talking to him. We agree on almost everything concerning politics, how to raise children (even though we aren't financially stable enough to actually have them yet), religion, and many other important life issues -- yet we also disagree, but always keep the disagreement on the topic, never personal attacks.
There are still days when he walks into a room and I'm speechless, I just sit there and stare at this beautiful man that I desperately want to be with -- and then when he asks me why I'm staring at him, I'm reminded that I am with him, and I can't help but smile and giggle . Rarely can I walk past him without having the urge to give him a quick kiss, or a squeeze on the shoulder. More often than not, I'll even take him into a full embrace despite the fact that I may be pressed for time or have other things that I need to do.. and when we're not together, random strangers will stop and ask me where my "other half" is hiding.
I am scared some days though, because I wonder if he'll wake up one day and realize he's probably too good for me -- or worse still, if his obnoxious heart condition (I can never remember the name of it..) actually claims his life someday. Mostly I try not to worry about it though, and enjoy the days we have now, and treat our relationship with respect so that I'll have no regrets if I do lose him one way or another.
So my question to you, my gather audience, is what are some suggestions as to how I can ensure that this relationship does in fact continue on for several years to come? This is the only long-term adult relationship I've ever been in, so everything about it is new to me. I've never been worried about my relationship before.. but now that I realize I've gone longer than ever before, I can't help but wonder how much longer it can stay this good..
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Comments: 11
But don't listen to me. This is probably the reason I have never had a relationship.
I've been with my husband for 10 years (2 dating & 8 married) and there are still times when he describes things about how he feels about me just as you have described the feelings you have about your man.
Stop holding back out of fear. Make the boy happy and say yes. ;)
As for Lori's comment...
He hasn't officially proposed yet anyway, more like just in passing somebody mentions they're getting married, and I'll respond with "been there, done that, sucked at it, not doing it again", then he gets sad, or tries to make excuses as to how I could make a new marriage work, despite messing it up so royally the first time.. I gotta give him credit though, he never gets angry, and he doesn't try to drag the conversation out like some people i know.. he just discusses it long enough to make his point, then we move on and watch a movie or sing some songs or something. (And of course, there's the fact that I haven't even finalized the divorce from my current/soon-to-be-ex-husband).