I Got The Ambien Blues

THE AMBIEN BLUES

Standing naked in the hall of the Doubletree hotel

Dreaming? Maybe, not quite sure, till I hear "What the hell??"

The gent who's in 1403 has had the buzzard's luck

To pick this time to head downstairs, and find me thunderstruck

"Whadjya do? Lock yerself out?" he asks, walking down my way

And frankly, for once, I must confess, I dont know what to say.

I  kinda wish Vanna was here, cuz I'd like to buy a vowel,

but considering the circumstance, I'd rather get a towel

My new found friend has other plans, as he tells me in a drawl

"I'm headed right down to the desk, I'll send someone up for ya'll"

"poof" he's gone, and so I'm left with nothing to shroud my cheeks

And the suddenly urgent reality that I need to take a leek.

Even worse, I realize, when the elevator stops

I dont know who'll be behind the door, the guard, or "Mom 'n Pops"

What a bugger that would be, talk about "up the creek"

The doors pop open, out pops "Mom" and then there'd be a shriek.

They'd haul be down, naked in cuffs, to the Albuquerque jail

And I would have to call someone to get them to go my bail

"Indecent exposure? What'd you do? Are you some kind of perv?

I always told your mother you took after Uncle Merv"

Thank God that when the 'vator came, a fat  guard came out walkin'

And even though he had no teeth, he had no trouble talkin'

"Don't worry, Son, happens all the time, two, three times a month, my friend"

And this true story is the reason why I stopped taking Ambien