I find myself enraged; it's not often that I get this truly angry. My son was barely able to walk the last 2 days, because he did too many exorcises (150 squats) in PE, but that's not why I am angry. Why I am angry is he was forced to do those exercises because he forgot his homework for his computer class, and he had to do the same exercises last week (only fewer 50 Squats) because he didn't get a good grade on a piece of homework for that same computer class. Then he was told next time there is a problem it would double (300 squats?). Thus, the school; at least between the computer teacher and the PE teacher are deciding on physical punishments as (in their minds) a way to educate children. So when the kids have to do this they are subjected to the pain of the exercises and the public ridicule of the other students.
This all came out when my son came to me and said," Dad, I would rather be home schooled then go to Jr. High school." I wasn't looking at him when I asked him why, and then I looked up to see him struggling to keep from crying and he said because there are so many kids who don't like him. So I asked him, "Have they (the kids who don't like him) been doing or saying anything to him at school?" and he replied with tear streaming, "they call me retarded, and even one of my good friends is now repeating it and other things". I asked him, if these were kids that knew he was going to special Ed last year? And he said some of them… Then I asked him about the teacher in PE and all the details came out.
So not only have other children been noticing and abusing my son for getting extra help, but the situation is being compounded by a set of teachers that think physical punishment is the way to teach computers.
Needless to say I am going to the school Monday morning, and the situation will be solved. First I will assume I am among friends and keep as cool as I can. If that doesn't work I will escalate including informing them of legal Consequences and others such as I will write this up and publish it for the newspapers and on the web including names of the school and the teachers and Principal and their e-mail address's… I have already researched the legal steps for taking kids out of school and home schooling (I am not ready to do this as I am presently working days, but I will change jobs or what ever I have to do if this becomes the best option). Luckily the Home Schooling laws are in the favor of the parents and are not subject to change, it has gone all the way to the Supreme Court here in Texas.
The part of all this that upsets me the most comes from my own experience in school, with special ed and my over all self view was so negative that by the age of 23 I was depressed & suicidal ideations were present. I was able to get assistance etc, but most of the problem was from the idea I had even since being a little kid that I wasn't good enough. That I couldn't do it on my own, that I needed meds or special help or something else to be good enough to be acceptable. Allowing a child to feel that way is just wrong, not that my parents or the schools back then did it on purpose, they didn't, but the lack of understanding on there part led step by step to a lack of self understanding and acceptance on my part. I will not allow this problem to continue, he disserves better then I got, I disserved better then I got. My experience, negative as it was, has given me this knowledge and I will use it, to help my son know who he is.
I have taught him #1 that he is a son of a Heavenly Father and #2 I will reiterate that Heavenly Father doesn't make trash. I will strengthen this teaching with the added concept that while we are all equal legally, we are each unique given different gifts and different challenges for us to learn what we each need to learn. Most of all I will make sure that my wife and I make sure he knows is OK with us, that we love him. We have done this, and yet I know we must do more thus I am giving up plans for a job advancement because it would mean I have to keep working days, and I will begin looking for a job at night, carrier doesn't mean a thing if my kids don't have what they need.
I feel our responsibility is greater then anyone's for the raising of our children, and that math, language and science are not enough. President David O McKay (9th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) was fond of saying "What-e'er Thou Art, Act Well Thy Part." His sermons and writings also depicted many other deeply-held values, including education. "True education," he taught, "seeks . . . to make man and women not only good mathematicians, proficient linguists, profound scientists, or brilliant literary lights, but also . . . men and women who prize truth, justice, wisdom, benevolence, and self-control as the choicest acquisitions of a successful life." According to this prophet of God, "Parenthood ... should be held as a sacred obligation. There is something in the depths of the human soul which revolts against neglectful parenthood. God has implanted deep in the souls of parents the truth that they cannot with impunity shirk the responsibility to protect childhood and youth. There seems to be a growing tendency to shift this responsibility from the home to outside influences, such as the school and the church. Important as these outward influences are, they never can take the place of the influence of the mother and the father. Constant training, constant vigilance, companionship, being watchmen of our own children are necessary in order to keep our homes intact."
That was some of the inspiration that guides me as I strive to bring my kids up into the world with joy in there hearts and understanding in the minds. And Finally I must quote President McKay again because he said it succinctly, "No Success can Compensate for Failure in the Home".
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Comments: 48
I agree, you must go in with a level head, but I don't know that I would be able to do it.
Also, I was so upset and eager to respond to this that instead of clicking on the comment box, I hit the #3 star by mistake. As there is not way to undo it, I must ask you to forgive me. I would have given a 10.
Calmly type out a letter and use dictionary.com for correct spelling of words and state all the instances with dates and times, etc. ( deserves, exercise)
http://www.wrightslaw.com
http://www.reedmartin.com
Good luck
"last 2 days, because he did too many exorcises (150 squats) in PE, but that's not why I am angry. Why I am angry is he was forced to do those exorcises because he forgot his homework for his computer class, and he had to do the same exorcises last week (only fewer 50 Squats) because he didn't get a good grade on a piece of homework for that same computer class. Then he was told next time there is a problem it would double (300 squats?). "
you can free legal aid on the interrnet-- just stop being angry first.
you need a good description of what happened, some collaboration and then search through google for "free legal aid" texas
you'll get more help than you'll know what to do with, but don't homeschool your kid becuse it won't change anythng-- just fight and tell your son that he can fight too
get a doctor's note that the boy needs rest
and maybe call or contact the Houston Chronicle for help-- they'd probably jump for such a story.
http://www.lawhelp.org/
its a good place to start, but get on the phone and call the State Dept of Education to send you the exact title and ask them if corporal punishment is legal-- and they will probably get a bit excited-- and then maybe ask you to make out a report with them
you can also file a complaint with the State Attorney's Office--but they usually are into fraud, but would be able to refer you
here's a link into a texas branch
http://www.library.unt.edu/govinfo/law/assistance.htm
for leagal assistance
never underestimatte the power of a government doc librarian, either--
but take your kid to a doctor for an exam-- doing too many squat thrust can lead to very serious pelvic inflammation and cause additional damage in tendons and ligament as a result of lactic acid build-up. Get a doctor to write rest order.
take it, xerox it, notorize it so you have two copies or explain to the doctor what is going on and that you need hi cooperation as evidence-- bcause a school can just sort of lose things arbitrarily and what you need is two copies so that when you ake it to the school your copy gets stamped and brought back home as evidence that it was submitted.
you learn lots of tricks in the czech republic.
A poor grade is punishment enough. A poor grade is a subject for the teacher, parents and child to resolve.
I am convinced that a fair number of kids that fail to graduate from highschool do so because they have reached the point where they can no longer tolerate the punitive practices that result from ill expressed need for social control on the part of educators.
I would report the teacher to Social Services for child abuse. They are more likely to treat this seriously than the educators.
Thank you all for your support and advice. Mary thank you as I mentioned in the e-mail for all the information.
Dr. Cornwell, I agree, even the military Agrees (Air Force) they no longer allow pushups etc for infractions, unless it is doing pushups wrong... They have realized even in basic camp that consequences need to relate to the infraction, not be only punitive.
Corporal punishment in Texas schools is Legal, with parents permission, but I don't believe they even do it or ask at this age (11 years old and up) but I did receive paperwork in school last year for me to give permission etc... of course I told them NO-one will lay a hand on my child , if their infraction reached that level they were to call me and I would take care of it. (I have done the "spanking" limited, for those times of infraction that didn't have consequences that were acceptable... ie I'd rather spank a child once instead of letting him stick the fork in the socket and die...) but it hasn't been needed and should never be done for the sake of pain and never in anger... this include the type they used in the school. It is misdirected punishment...
I thought when he first mentioned doing 50 squats that he did something wrong in his Gym class where running a lap or doing something like that might relate... BUT No, it was computer class that happens twice a week at PE time so the PE instructor hangs out there as they work with another teacher.
Anyhow, home schooling is something I would be already doing if I was working nights, my wife will support it but she is not skilled in the area of teaching children, though she is great with adults.
I home schooled the children for a year and a half and brought up there reading skills one 3 grades the other 2 grades and she was the top 4th grade reader last year. I am not a perfect teacher or parent, but one on one directed teaching is far better then the group monster we have in our school systems today.
Now to win the lottery (no, I don't gamble) so I can be a stay at home teacher... well as I mentioned if need be I will toss carrier out, it has no meaning compared to the needs of my kids, and get a night job. My wife has expressed the willingness to do more work outside so I can be home during the day to teach...
So either way this problem will end...
There are times people do wrong to us, and sometimes it is correct to tough it out... but this situation was upsetting enough to make my 11 year old tell me all of this while crying in front of his younger sister, boys don't like to do that in front of sibling esp. sisters... but he did, because #1 we are good communicators and #2 because the problem was to him bigger then worrying about crying in front of his sister...
But it does look interesting.
I agree with Bonnie that you need to take extra steps and document your problems with the school, teachers, etc. in writing. If there are others present when you speak to people make sure you note their names, the time you call or go in in person. Also keep copies of letters you send. It helps if you have to show documentation later to show it is an ongoing problem.
I'm glad to hear you are trying to reinforce his self-worth with the most powerful thing he can learn -- God's love for him (and yours too!). Perhaps you could also talk to parents of children at school who seem to be especially rude and ask them to talk to their children about how to treat others.
Good luck!
ANd I will.
I will update you all in a moment.... Online I am keeping names off , but I have my notes with details times and such. Give me a sec to edit names out and I will post...
These are some of my notes from the day they were written for me, so please excuse grammar and spelling I don't have time to worry about my personal note. I will before I have to present them.
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I met with ***vice***(Vice Principal) around 7:10 am. He listened to my concerns and we seemed to be in agreement. He agreed that this type of punishment does not seem proper. He took notes, he told me he would take care of this ASAP. He was supposed to allow ***My Son*** to NOT go to gym, by my instructions.
5:00 pm I arrived home, to find ***My Son*** and my wife outside looking deeply concerned. I asked what the problem was, and I was informed that ***My Son***s PE teacher took him out of class and told him he would punish him with squats if he didn't get his home work in on time. "Your know why we do squats so you remember to do your homework. We are still going to make you do squats no matter what if you don't do your computer work. So you better bring back your computer home work. Right?" This is what I would define as harassment or bullying, and is also illegal. This is the complete opposite to what I instructed and is illegal.
I called ***vice***at his home and left a message, he called back at 6:06 pm. I informed him about the PE coach bringing the problem up a notch, and gave him the details. He said he told Mr. ***Head*** (the Principal) about the situation and that Mr. ***Head*** said he would talk to the PE Coach. But he had not heard anything, after he spoke with Mr. ***Head***.
I informed Mr. ***vice***that I am scheduling a DR's appointment for ***My Son*** and will have documented any damage he received. I will also be printing out the laws pertaining to special ed students Federal Laws such as (IDEA and sec 504 of the rehabilitation act of 1973) and that there are other laws broken when someone from the school forces physical punishment on my child without parental consent. I told him that I," I don't want to go the legal rout but I will if I need to for ***My Son*** and for the other students"
***My Son*** informed me that he heard Mr. ***vice***and ***Head*** talking about ***My Son*** and that they were not in agreement, he thinks it was Mr. ***vice***saying "but we don't do that." This is hear say but it is informative to me.
if you can afford it nex time show up WITH a lawyer. not point mucking about with these types. Your local special Ed groups might point you in the right direction to get a symathetic one.
good luck.
You're doing the right things. Keep your head but also, be absolutely no-nonsense about it. Let them know that if this situation isn't rectified IMMEDIATELY, that your only recourse is legal action. They hate that like crazy. And I would report the teacher to child welfare, as someone else suggested. This is child abuse, pure and simple, and it must be stopped.
I took my son out of school for a year and home-schooled during a period of particular duress. I think it's a very good alternative if all else fails. Things may spiral out of control, with your PE teacher turning into a regular a--hole. Sometimes a "time out" is what's needed. Or a transfer to another school. In any case, just keep a close eye on your son for signs of depression. If he feels helpless and hopeless, he may think that suicide is the only way out.
But with a dad like you, standing behind him and standing up for him, I think he'll be able to weather this storm. Just don't give up.
Keep us posted.
This is cruelty and child abuse. I don't care who they are or what their motives are. They, if they have 1 active brain cell, know how painful squats are and the effects after. This is child endangerment in my book. I am not Mormon, but feel as you do about many things. A child who is just the least bit "different" is going to be miserable in school. Children are the cruelest creatures on this earth at that age.
I say take him out of school, then sue for his rights. I am seething - this is so sick. Some people are not physical - I know I am not, and wasn't as a child, so gym was a nightmare for me.
You can institute a civil suit for cruel and unusual punishment, child endagerment or a raft of things.
Our Heavenly Father does not want our children to be tormented.
Forgive me if I do not say this correctly - but is it a Mormon school... if not, that might be one of the problems...a bit of bigotry. That sweet boy has a right to a life free from all those problems. Child suicide is something you might watch for - and yes, I know the Mormon Church stand on that - but I have known children of many faiths who took that way out.
I want to offer you my sympathy and concern. You sound like a fine father and you know what to do. But they are the "establishment" and may throw all types of laws and such at you. I will be there in spirit, right beside the two of you - I will pray for your situation.
Right is right - it's as simple as that.
Good luck to you and stand strong my friend.
Sherry
My daughter's teacher used pushups in a more appropriate way - not bullying, but trying to...I"m not sure what, because I don't agree with pushups at all..
Sounds like legal recourse may be the best bet. You are doing all the right things, as many have said.
I would definitely report the teacher to child welfare for child abuse.
I have had this sort of experience with one of my son's a few years ago. My wife is a teacher in the same district and she also attended so that she could verify what agreements ALL the teachers signed at the start of the school year. The most important one being signed is that they have a copy of and understand all the school regulations. I would try to keep mention of lawyers out of it if possible. That puts the administration on the defensive too soon when this meetings can serve as mediation to jointly come up with an acceptable solution. Calmness and a respectful attitude are key especially for your son and yourself. Respond to anger with extended quiet. Ask if you can audio-record the meeting to prevent misunderstandings - they will probably decline but then have someone assigned to take copious notes. My wife did that at our meetings. If your son has a diagnosed learning problem they should be going out of their way to satisfy for fear of losing funding.
This may boil down to two teacher friends coming up with what they think was an innovative way to encourage homework completion without any knowledge or regard for what is appropriate or even legal.
Like it or not because of federal and state funding schools have the best environment and tools for teaching a student with any special education requirements. I am also a firm believer in home schooling if it fits the child and frankly it best fits the overachiever and can be very expensive to do right for those with special education needs.
My most important goal when we had in our meetings was to try not to make anybody out as the "bad guy" in the situation; my son had three more years to go at that school.
Much later we had a more serious situation when a teacher publicly called my son names that no one should ever be called. We didn't request that the teacher be relieved of his duties or any other more serious repercussion. We asked only for a private apology and an admission of his wrong doing. The teacher (who knew he had messed up rather badly) took my son into his confidence and explained the problems he was having at home with his wife's difficult pregnancy and deeply apologized for his actions. The next day in class he publicly apologized (not required or requested) and started a class discussion on the proper ways to handle one's own personal frustrations so that they don't impact other people. This teacher is now a friend and mentor of my son even after graduation.
Out of a little bad much good has come.
You have already shown him you are with him no matter what. Show him and the school some alternatives.
Finally, get a kid in the computer program at the nearest university to show him the fun computers can be and help him do some online researches on his tormentors.
the best thing to teach. They have it all wrong though.
Not only is your son being tormented physically, he is being humiliated and harshly treated by his peers, so several problems are resulting from the remediation.
You may be able to work through this matter with by using level headed approaches, legal backing and close supervision of your son, but if you're like me, I would be
leery of sending my son back into the den of wolves. I personally am a strong homeschooling advocate. You don't have to homeschool during the day. You may set your own schedule. Or you may want to consider private school. I really feel for you. We always want what is best for our children, and you are right there in your son's corner. I appreciate the high regard you've expressed to him regarding his worth and value. Let us know what you decide!
This way he will be shown value by me and all decisions he will know and if I am able to get the teacher there we will be able to confunt the issues with all present. I am also doing it this way becouse my wife and I are concerned that the teacher if he feels he is in the corner and then has access to joseph alone he could overreact and retaliate... so a days cooling off won't hurt the situation. Texas laws are good for homeschooling and the curiculam doesn't even need 3 hours aday from experiance... thats for direct teaching and assignements can be done while I am at work then he can meet with me in the evening for lecture corrections and new assignments. I would also suplement on saterdays for 3 hours if I was still working days... BUT that is IF I have to, I want too but right now I will do it only if I must, becouse of time constraints... but we will persevier, and if nothing else my son will learn that right is might, as long as you aproch problems with calm and faith in your efforts and a desire to do whats right for all involved.
Yes Janet he has an IEP and yes I will mention it to them...
Thank you, now back to downloading some legal documents about the law for disabilities etc.
I am so sorry that you and your family are experiencing this issue. I am the friend that Shaunee spoke of that Homeschools with The Connections Academy. I sincerely wish that they were offering the program in Texas. I feel that your son would greatly benefit from Homeschooling. I will not repeat what others have already said, but I do feel that you are on the right path with this.
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1. What class does the Coach teach?
2. What training does he have that tells him that one teacher does the punishment/discipline for another teacher, without consultation with the director of the discipline program at ***This schools*** Junior High?
3. Why was Joseph forced to go to class (PE) when I specifically requested he not go!??? Now he was improperly punished and subjected to the teacher's attitude because he didn't like what Mr. ***ADMIN*** had to tell him. Even without a Dr's note what is wrong with honoring the Parents request for their child for one day? Esp. when there is a problem at issue.
4. Why did coach feel he had the right and the moral authority to supersede Mr. ***ADMIN***s instruction's or did Mr. ***ADMIN*** tell him to threaten Joseph?
5. Where is it, in the handbook given to students, written that exorcise may be given as a form of punishment? Pages 59 and 60 list appropriate Techniques why were they not followed?
6. Joseph will be seeing his Dr. and we will document any and all medical problems stemming from this case.
7. In the Glossary of the ***This schools*** Junior High School Student Handbook it describes Assault: "Assault is defined in part by Texas Penal Code 22.01(a)(1) as intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly causing bodily injury to another." By this definition I charge Josephs PE coach with Assault in the case of both times he forced Joseph to do the squats, and further charge that he has assaulted other students in similar manner.
8. In the Glossary of the ***This schools*** Junior High School Student Handbook it describes Bullying: "Bullying is written or oral expression or physical conduct that a school districts board of trustees or the boards designee determines:
a. To have the effect of physically harming a student, damaging a student's property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of harm to the student's person or of damage to the students property; or
b. To be sufficiently severe, persistent, or pervasive to create an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for a student.
c. By this definition Coach's actions after being spoken to by Mr. ***ADMIN*** on the morning of 9-11-2006 constitute bullying on his part and furthermore do create for Joseph an intimidating, threatening and abusive environment as a Student. And they seem retaliatory as well, like a child bully saying ," your going to get it now I told you not to tell on me".
9. and Finally In the Glossary of the ***This schools*** Junior High School Student Handbook it describes Harassment: "Harassment is:
a. Conduct that meets the definition established in district policies DIA(LOCAL) and FFH(LOCAL); or
b. Conduct that threatens to cause harm or bodily injury to (another) student, is sexually intimidating, causes physical damage to the property of (another) student or subjects (another) student to physical confinement or restraint, or maliciously and substantially (another) student's physical or emotional health or safety.
c. By this definition Coach though not another student, did act in a way so as to be construed as harassment? Is that not true?
10. on page 70 of the ***This schools*** Junior High School Student Handbook it lists the Misconduct that requires Expulsion under Texas Penal code:
a. firearm
b. knife
c. club
d. prohibited weapon
e. Behaving in a manner that contains elements of the following elements of the following offenses under the Texas Penal Code:
1. Aggravated Assault
2. So would it not be fair to suggest that if this type of behavior continues on the part of the Coach that he be expelled from this campus?
3. And what about me, he has assaulted my son, been asked to stop(unless you Mr. ***ADMIN*** told him to continue, then you and I need to deal with each other) and then took my son out of class to privately threaten him this amounting to Harassment and Bullying…
1. do you expect me not to press charges, for right now that is my plan, criminal assault and harassment charges probably with the town and the county sheriff and a call to the District Attorneys office.
2. I am sure this will look great on the news, in the paper and on the radio talk shows.
3. I am sure Channel 4 out of San Antonio would be interested as well as AM 1200 there talk radio.
11. Now lets talk about the Dr.'s report, if there is any real damage, I feel it would be against the law for me not to report the Coach for child abuse under the law as it stands. I believe if we know a child has been abused then it is up to us to report it, in fact aren't you as teachers required by law to report possible cases of abuse… or you become accessories to it.
12. Why should I NOT do these things? When it is becoming apparent that Coach seems to be in control of the school, or it seems so or why would he ignore Mr. ***ADMIN***? And threaten my son?
13. The real situation is my son will be safe, I can remove him today from the school.
14. But if I don't report what is happening to the law and courts, when so far I don't see real corrective action, then other children will be assaulted as he has already done to others including my son and he will threaten and teaching will be ineffectual for those students unless you mean to teach the to give in to bully's and be afraid or hateful to teachers.
I know how angry you are and how it breaks your heart - i had a whole year with 4 out of 5 days Kayla coming home in tears - It is heart wrenching.
Good luck and keep me posted.
-Amy
PS - for the ones who posted abotu spelling errors - that is not necessary, sure official letters ned to be spelled correctly but here on gather when youar e looking for support - you dont need to have your spelling pointed out.
The schools discust me now a days.. and I hope they get what they deserve..
i had to go after a teacher for emotion abuse of my son he is LD and this teacher made life so hard on him he wanted to be home schooled too. I went down to the school and informed them i would file charges on the teacher if she even looked my son way. They found him a new teacher and things worked out well. I never had a problem again he will be graduating this year. Dont let them get by with this what you do will help you son and hopefully other kids too. these teachers should not be teaching!! Oh and i would tell the principle id like to see them do the 150 squats.
please keep up informed as to how this goes
here is the link to Leslies article :
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976791828
Thank you all for your prayers and support and advice.
Your son is lucky to have a father like you. You obviously are looking out for his best interests, which is a lot more than what can be said about his teachers.
It's also very telling that your son felt comfortable enough with you to approach you with this problem. That shows a healthy level of trust in your relationship.
Good luck.