The one thing I looked forward to in life was motherhood. I have been so, very blessed in that aspect, and have four beautiful, healthy and intelligent children. There is not a day that goes by that I am not so grateful for having the opportunity to share in their lives and watch them grow. Even when I feel as if I could strangle them (not literally! haha), I look at them and can't help feeling overwhelmed with love and pride.
I have always known that, with the joys of feeling their breath as I rock them to sleep, the day would come when they would be reaching out on their own, trying to embrace this big scary world without me. I have feared this day... but at the same time, watching my sweet children play and hearing them tell me how much they love me, I somehow thought I may get off easy!!!
My oldest son started high school this year. We are a divorced family, but his father's wife and I have a strong bond, and we have always managed to do pretty well, between the three of us, taking care of the kids and letting them know that they have two loving homes, and that we parents would stick together because we only want what is best for our children. Alex, however, has been pushing things lately. Although we parents try to maintain a stabile environment, some of our rules and beliefs are a little bit different. Alex and his dad are so much alike, and the two tend to butt heads often, as Alex tries to gain his independence and his father tries to hold onto the sweet curly headed blond child we so love.... I, too, wish I could hold on to that forever, but we all know things do change. I tend to be the more lenient of the parents with Alex, and he knows it. I am very soft hearted, and in the past, he has always been able to keep pushing until I gave in. Now, I wish I would have been a bit firmer from the beginning, as it is difficult trying to make the transition from being the mom to a little boy who still wants his mother to kiss his scrapes to a young man, who is trying to find his place in the world.
Alex and I had a big fight tonight. My leniency came back to haunt me, in a way. He decided he wanted to go to a friend's house, but tell his father he was with me. I had to put my foot down... and I never could have imagined how tough it was going to be. I have been doing this more and more often lately, but this time was really scary. It was frightening that he wanted to lie to his father... because I know that he is starting to experiment with these things... and it worries me, thinking about the things he may be hiding from me as well. It also scared me, because I don't want to lose the trust that I have with him. My kids and I have open relationships, and they often feel that they can tell me things that they couldn't tell others... namely their dad. I'm, in no way, encouraging them to hide things from their father... I just want them to know that they can trust me with even those things they might think are just so horrible they don't want to tell anyone. I want them to know that, although I may disapprove at times, I will always be here to love them and help them through situations.
Anyway, after talking to a friend, crying my eyes out, I knew what I had to do. I had already told Alex that there was no way that I would help him in lying to his father, but this situation was a wakeup call for me. I thought of all of those other children his age that are doing drugs, smoking and drinking, along with whatever else. I refuse to play any part in something that could cause harm to my child. I thought, again, of how fortunate our children are to have all of these parents who love them. I knew that I could not let Alex go down this path with me turning a blind eye. I called my ex-husband's house and spoke to his wife. She knew I was upset, could hear me crying, but she also knew that I love the kids enough and trust and respect her enough to come to her so that we can work through this together as a family.
It absolutely broke my heart making that phone call. I was so afraid that Alex would feel that I had somehow betrayed him, instead of realizing that I love him so much that I will do whatever I have to to protect him. I had to be the mother in this situation and accept that even if he got angry with me, I was doing my job to teach him right and wrong... to help him continue to grow into an honest person... praying that he will grow to reach his full potential as an adult. It was difficult... and terrifying... but I knew it was the right thing to do.
The good news... we are all going to have a family meeting this weekend... but... after I made the phone call and his dad picked him up, Alex called me. He wants me to come pick him up from school tomorrow. Yes, I may sound like a wimp, but I am just so overwhelmed with relief. And my hope is that I can be stronger next time, and Alex will know that I still love him, but I will also stand my ground BECAUSE I will do whatever I feel is right... BECAUSE I love him so much.
|
|
|
|
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 9
I have a daughter who just started high school this week, and I can certainly understand what you are starting to deal with. I love my daughter very much and it's hard to stand your ground when they push beyond limits that you could expect. They are beyond the age of children, and yet not an adult; ready to fly off on there own and to make their own choices in life and to see how far they can stretch things and go. The teenage monster is a perfect name for them.....
Give her a hug - tell her you love her and talk to each other - perhaps without throwing a tantrum. Losing your temper may just indicate that you either cannot explain rationally what you wish to say and/or cant justify it. Talk it over. Your mum loves you and I am sure you love her.
Alicia - its only a phase BUT ....... stay strong!