I've lost many mental images of those times, obscured by the intervening decades and the accumulation of other experiences, but there are a few that seem to be burned into my brain, and whenever I allow myself to indulge in a little nostalgia, they pop up, as clear as the day they happened. Or so it seems. The brain seems to have a way of "recoloring" those experiences, like old black-and-white films that are glamorized by modern technology. What I "remember" may bear only passing resemblance to what actually happened. But, I suppose it doesn't matter. Those images are now embedded in me, part of my "reality," regardless of their authenticity.
One particular scene that I remember vividly...I think it was 1950 or 51...when I was 13 or 14 years old: My family lived in a house that was adjacent to a small electrical component factory in a little Midwestern town. I often had the opportunity to observe the employees coming and going. Many of them were neighbors, people of modest income like my parents. The Big Boss commuted from a nearby and much more prosperous town in his brand new Cadillac. His salary was rumored to be $10,000 a year. I remember thinking, as I watched him get in his car and drive away one day, that if I could ever make that much money and drive a Cadillac, I would be a real success!
Now, fast forward about fifty years to 2003. A number of my high school classmates got together in Chicago and we took a dinner cruise on Lake Michigan, enjoying the lights of the Chicago skyline as we dined, and a fantastic fireworks display at Navy Pier when we returned to the dock. Afterwards, we gathered in a hotel room for a little party, and one of my classmates, a very successful businessman, recited a quote that he said had influenced him early in his life.
"Show me a man who is an early riser, and I will show you a successful man."
Now, I didn't like this idea very much because I have always hated getting up in the morning. If people are divided into two groups, larks and owls, then I am definitely an owl. I can work late into the night, but don't try to roust me early in the morning. My classmate's quotation struck a little too close to home. To get even with him, I asked him a very unfair question. I asked him if he considered himself a success.
Now, put yourself in his shoes. If he answers "yes," it will sound boastful. But if he answers "no," it will sound either falsely modest, or that he is unsatisfied with his life. To his credit, he was too kind...or maybe he didn't think fast enough...to bounce the question right back to me. I would have had an equally difficult time answering. Since then, I have thought about how I would have...or should have...responded. The correct answer for almost everyone is "Yes........and no."
Anyone who has lived for awhile has made plenty of mistakes. I certainly have...things I should have done, but didn't...things I didn't do but should have. As Oscar Wilde said, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." We all have a basket of those things that we carry around. How much it weighs us down is determined by how much we let it weigh us down.
But we "experienced" folks have also done some things that have given us great satisfaction. Just providing for, and raising a family...watching those little diaper-soiling rugrats turn into beautiful young people, and then into mature adults who become our friends...that is supremely satisfying, and something we should feel very good about.
There are many other things that we can look back on with satisfaction in our years of dotage. A job exceptionally well done, even if it was just a project in the back yard. A good deed performed to help out someone who was in trouble. We all have a basket full of those good things too. Making a lot of money goes in that basket, but how much does it weigh?
If we determine the success of our life by weighing and comparing the two baskets, what scale should we use? There is only one scale, one set of criteria, that is legitimate. Yours. And mine. Only we can decide that. It's easy to be a second guesser. "If only I had...I shoulda never..." All those "if only's" are a waste of time. We did the best we could, and nothing is going to change any of it.
My advice...forget the scale, remember the good stuff and forget the rest.
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Comments: 12
As you know, I'm close to you in age and we grew up only miles apart. I find your observation moving.
Ruth...it sounds to me like you made the right choice. I have seen a lot of wealthy people who weren't very happy. A lot of them drink way too much.
Verie...Giving advice is easy. Following your own advice is not always that easy. Part of the reason I wrote this was to give myself some advice!
So if you think you may need to convince yourself how to feel by writing this article, maybe you should blow it off.........
Thanks for the article.
You got the wrong message from my comment, and that's my fault. I've attended my class reunions regularly for the past thirty years or so, and enjoyed them. There are a few classmates that have remained good friends over the years, and I enjoy seeing the others as well.
My comment about taking my own advice was with regard to my tendencies to second-guess past decisions.
I agree, we are all always doing the best we can.
And yes raising children into successful young adults is the most satisfying thing I have done, and the most fun.
Pretty simple, and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with money! (or power).
Many people would look at the events of my life and see little success, but I haven't met many of 'em that I've thought were much happier than me. (And I have met a whole boatload of people that have a boatload more money than me.) I have everything I need, and most of what I want.
Even if it sounds boastful, I do consider myself a success.