Unseen Disabilities

I'm sorry people are judging you. And your right, the world would be a much better place if people would not be so judgemental to others.

I hope the next surgery will make the pain go away.

I understand the stigma attached to unseeable disabilities. While my disability is not physical, when I tell people I am disabled and collecting disability insurance and Medicare insurance, they often give me looks similar to what I'm sure you're getting. They assume I am cheating the system, but the truth is, I would give anything to be able to work and earn my own money. The reality is, I can't.

Good luck with future surgeries. I hope that you will keep us informed. I'll be thinking of you.

Sorry about your troubles. I hope something can and will be done to get you better.

Don't worry about what the people think. As long as you know you are doing right, quit worrying. It is just human nature to want people to think good of you, but if they don't that's their hard luck.

Thanks both of you!! Oh Amanda, I certainly understand your point as well!! I have suffered from depression since childhood. Thanks to some new wonder drugs, it is pretty well under contol, but any of us who have been through it know that drugs can't control everything... and unfortunately those meds, like any others, stop working after a length of time.

Diabetes is a disabling disease that does show up up as a physically observable diasbailty in many cases. Diabeteics in many cases need special time to do injections, test the blood, take meds, sometimes they just need to get up & walk for a few minutes but they are visibly disabled. Luckily diabetics are covered under the Americans With Disablities Act, so that is an employer does not want to allow them to do what they must dio they have recourse. I know on elady who was refused the time to do her blood test 2 hrs. after she had eaten breakfast. She got an attorney & was paid $175,000 plus ther boss/company was fined a substantial sum.

Oh lord do I know about the diabetes. I feel I have the same rights as a breast feeding mother. If I want to do my insulin and sugar tests at the restaurant table, I can! I am not going into a dirty bathroom stall to do this! Just look the other way if you must! I'm obviously not a heroin addict as I know those are illegal drugs and I wouldn't have the "balls" to do those in a public dining area! I often do it in my stomach while out as it's easier to hide then say my arm. I try my hardest, but don't look at me like I'm a druggie! :eye roll: People are so dumb sometimes! Screw them honey, they are just ignorant fools! You do what you have to do! {{hugs}}

reading your story is like reading my life .. i am going through the same problems.. i had back surgery last year august 24th. didnt help, im in worse shape now. i need another back surgery . i have spondylositheisis, or slipped discs, i too will have titanium rod and nuts and bolts in my back, i also have the leg pain, the excruciating omg i have to get up and walk to the bathroom, please someone else do it for me pain.

but in my case i dont qualify for anything disability wise, since i am still employed, but i am on short term disability and have only worked 2 months since last august, so go figure

its hard for me to walk back to my car when i am out shopping, and i wish i could have a handicap sticker just for that matter

Alicia, my heart aches for you.

Hey - don't take it to heart; people are often shallow. Yes, I have seen healthy young guys fresh from playing B-ball pull into a handicapped spot using their Grandma's car and things like that; and yet I also know that my dear wife - before she started having to use a walker to get around - could park in a handicapped zone with her placard displayed and some people would give HER 'those looks'; she had both RA and fibromyalgia and often, walking even a little way was agony for her but she did it as long as she could. So don't let the jerks get you down; just keep your chin up and walk on.
BTW - HEATHER - you CAN get a decal or placard if you get your physician to write you a note to give to the auto licensing place. In some states you must first get an official application form for the doc to fill out FROM the auto licensing dept or DMV, so please - make a couple of phone calls & live better!
I send out prayers for all of you who suffer; may your pain be eased, may your suffering be lightened and may joy touch your hearts. From my experience with my dear wife, and my own problems in years gone by, I don't know which is worse - to suffer, or see the one you most love, suffer. So let us pay for suffering to ease, then we shall all benefit.

Thanks so much to all of you who replied. I'm so sorry to hear so many people going through these things! Julian is right about the handicap decal. Here in OK, your doc just signs a form, and checks a box telling the reason. You can get a temporary one, that is good for six months, and is made for cases like ours.

Also, Heather, please, please do research before going in for the surgery. I have found out SINCE, all the bad news... like almost all of those require further work, due to scar tissue build up, AND, once you have one disk fused, the others start herniating, due to the pressure. So , please, be careful with the decision. I did mine because I honestly thought it would eventually be a cure, but have found out the hard way that it usually doesn't work like that.

People are so quick to judge, to anger, to become irritated or outraged by what they perceive to be others' what? Not sacrifcing enough, not living up to some standard deemed sacrosanct? There is much to be said for detached compassion -- assuming good faith because it is understood that we all suffer, all have crosses to bear that others do not see. Perhaps the true sacred standard has something to do with compassion, first for ourselves our own suffering, then reaching out to understand rather than stand in angry judgment.

Peace,
libramoon

I too am all too familiar with the stares/comments etc. I have a handicapped plate on my car. I am 40. I have had one since age of 30. I have RA, severe asthma (13 intubations to date), have had spine surgery, had knee surgery this spring and am looking at another possible one.
One day I parked in the spot at Walgreens. Came back out and some idiot had parked on the stripes by my door. I couldn't get in. I went back in the store and asked the manager to make an announcement. Older man says "if you weren't so fat, you could walk instead and leave the spot to someone who needs it." I lost it. I said, "tell you what, you take the asthma, the diabetes, and (me lifting up tshirt in store) the spine surgery, and I will park a mile away and walk." Older man...sheepishly leaves store to move HIS car that was blocking mine...rest of customers and manager applaud me.
www.butyoudontlooksick.com is a great site. Read The Spoon Theory.

I appreciate reading your story and confess that I may have judged you for parking in a designated handicapped parking space... While I myself don't drive because of my hidden disability, vision loss), many of my friends use wheel chairs and when we circle lot after lot searching for an open space, it kills me to see what looks like an "able bodied" person taking one of these spaces. As a stroke survivor who is hemiplegic, I have an awfully hard time lifting a friend's wheel chair into his/her care and/or pushing him/her, when he/she has asked me for assistance. So, I regret glaring at you and others like you.
I, too, live with chronic pain and I am outraged that this issue is not on the front burner. Why is it that there's medication for men to keep certain appendages straight for up to four hours, but no one can come up with a drug or magic potion to put an end to neurologic or spastic pain? Has anyone written to their Senator or Representative to urge them/the Natl. Institutes of Health to make pain relief a national priority? Aside from mental health issues, pain may be one of the leading reasons for employee absenteeism - or preventing people from working all together. Our lives won't change unless and until we stand up for ourselves and demand that our elected representatives actually represent us.
Best,
Deb

Wonderful points! Thanks sooo much for sharing!

Mary, I'm going to check out that site now!

Sorry to hear that the surgery didn't help. It's got to be frustrating when you feel you've opted for something that is supposed to help, then to have things go bad. I can certainly sympathize with you on the parking as well. I too have a disability permit and some days I'm not too bad so I park elsewhere. Other days I might get out of the car and not seem to be too bad, but by the time I spent even a short time trying to walk around and stand and find the things that I need, I might be hardly able to walk out to my car. I have arthritis, fibromyalgia, asthma, both knees need replacing, and the disks in my back and neck are disintegrating. I've also had my back go out on me and hope that I have something to hold onto at the time or I'm gonna fall down. Sometimes I get nasty comments when people see me park in a spot, and walk into the store. They judge me because I might not be limping enough, and I'm overweight so that must be my problem, or perhaps they think I have someone else's sticker....
I realize it's easy to judge people by the outward appearance and there have been a number of times when I've been searching for a parking spot, only to see some young person, with no disability permit, parked in the handicapped places. You get to the point where you begin to watch every vehicle to see if they have a proper permit. One day my husband & I saw a car pull up with no sticker visible as they drove up. My husband decided to write down the licence plate #, and report them, when to our dismay the young lady who was in the car, got out and into a wheelchair, and started yelling at him and asking why we assumed because she was young that she didn't belong in the space. Funny thing was, she may have had every right to be there, but we never did see a permit. She was frustrated that people didn't believe her need because of her age, and wouldn't even let us explain the reason why things were as they were.