Years ago, someone read my palm and told me that while I would love deeply, I would have many relationships and never find "the one" for me. I don't usually put too much stock in things like this, but I'll admit, whenever I start having relationship worries, the thought does have a tendancy to pop in my head. And it's generally pretty depressing.
I've been of the very traditional mind set that there is a perfect person for every person out there and you will meet them and fall in love and blah, blah, blah. Statistically speaking, with all the people in the world, I don't doubt that of all the people in the world, there's gotta be one out there that could compliment everything about you perfectly. But look at the numbers again and realize what the chances of ever meeting that person are. Even if they live in the same city, with city populations generally over a few million people these days, what are the chances you'll meet every person in your city?
I'm done holding out hope for that one in 600 billion. Screw him, or her, I'm open about these kinds of things. I've decided to live in the fortold future of my palm. I'm tired of feeling so bummy and rushed about finding that other person.
My three best friends are my high school boy friend, a college boyfriend and my current boyfriend, who I'm on the rocks with relationship-wise right now. I know that no matter what happens, these men will be in my life forever. I love them with all of my heart and I'm not the least bit upset that I am no longer dating the first two.
I've found more fufillment through my friendships with these men then I ever did while we were still together. So why should I be stressing about finding someone to marry and romantically love when I'd be happier with a string of many men I love as friends?
I read, a lot, and I notice that many male authors don't give a rat's ass about working a love story into their plots, but female authors do. It's all part of this stupid Cinderella story they feed females since they were born and I'm sick of it. I control my own destiny and I'm tired of trying to meet 600 million people when the palm of my hand says that's just wrong.
I'm out for love, and I'll get it, from as many people as it takes. But I don't have to stop loving one for another and that's the beauty of friendship, the thing that I've been overlooking for something that doesn't matter.
So love me already.
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Comments: 27
Of course once you decide you totally don't need him, he'll probably show up...
Good point.
You are oh, so right about this!
But in reality Cinderella's probably getting beaten by prince charming as we speak.
That having been said, I also think the Cinderella scenario can actually happen, sometimes. Or at least an abridged version.
I think you're amazingly healthy to have great male friends and not to let someone else's definition of happiness make you nuts.
We waste a lot of time in wishing ourselves down the road. Time is now.
Friendship is lovely. Love it without apology!
And thanks for not using the word soulmate. That's another lie we tell ourselves.
I don't think there's anything wrong with loving many and deeply; it sounds a lot better then missing out on lots of good things while looking for something perfect that might not exist.
I'm having lunch with my ex-wife next weekend. We've been divorced 25 years now.
You are in control of your own destiny, you are right about that. I don't know if there ever is a 'perfect' fit with who you end up with, but it's worth the effort to make it as good as it's gonna be. :)
I didn't buy into the Cinderella story and did everything I could to protect my daughters from it. I believe we're happiest when we are open to love, but not looking for love.
You always have the best comments and insight into things. I'm really glad you commented on this.
:o)
Great article. I hate the Cinderella story, and wasted so much time wishing for Mr. Perfect to grace my presence and then sweep me off of my feet. If I ever have a daughter, I don't want her subjected to that idea. Life is not a dress rehearsal - so it's important to love, live and be loved when you can.
One of the things I love and respect about Sue (my highschool girlfriend-turned-current-fiancee) is that she has a very healthy friendship with her ex-husband which greatly enhances all of our lives. It allows family events to include us all. My daughter and I are welcome, his new girlfriend is welcome, and all the kids get to see adults making life work despite bad things happening.
I am extremely romantic. I'm not much of a poet like Ed, but I write about romance ALL the time. Imagine that-a perfectly heterosexual male that loves to be romantic and pass a little romance on. I won't use the term soul-mate because it is too random in meaning and I don't want to piss Peg off (because I like her), but both times I have fallen in love it was with woman who were living 3000 miles away from me and who happen to walk into my life at the exact moment the we needed each other. I've had other relationships, but these two are the only real romantic love I've known. I say romantic love because there is other love like my love for my daughter and my love of the guide dogs I've trained and the people who use them too.
But my rambling point is for me there certainly was a person who was specifically exactly what I needed/wanted. I'm avoiding the word perfect because as John pointed out none of us are perfect and no relationship is perfect. But they can hot roarin' damn awesome, wonderful, warm and cuddly and SEXY. With that said, I don't think there is any value in WAITING for such a relationship. If one finds you, you'll grab it. If not, seek fun, friendship, people who challenge you intellectually, and live life. To hell with Cinderella!
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