The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher
esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)
The fundamental principle of socialization is: Teach the young what you want them to believe and how you want them to live when they are adults.
There is no room for debate about this. It's how life is in every society, every culture, within every religion on earth. It's even the same among animals. Teach the young.
Nietzsche advises against corrupting the young. This only makes sense because no society wants corrupt adults. No culture can succeed where corruption prevails.
Now we must take Nietsche to the finest point, whether to hold those who think alike in higher regard than those who think differently. Here is where the advice breaks down because the quotation was taken out of context.
When teaching children the mores and the standards of behaviour of the society in which they live, the ways of the majority must take precedence. A society would facture irrevocably if parents did otherwise.
However, when it comes to matters of judgment, of choice, to some extent even of morality and politics, we need to teach children to listen to all parties who have an opinion.
In western cultures, for example, children are bombarded daily with examples of violence and sex on television, in movies and in video games. If the children have no countervailing voice--their parents--to teach differently, they will grow to believe that adults treat each other, sexually, the way people do in their games and other forms of entertainment. The weight of sheer numbers of experiences will influence them, at least some of them.
Is that what we want?
Some parents believe that their children will learn about such matters as sex and personal relationships on their own or by watching their parents. A divorce rate of around 50 percent, a rapidly rising number of couples that do not marry because they believe that a relationship will not last forever and incidents of abuse within marriages soon tell us that children do not pick up these important matters correctly by absorbing them from their environment.
Their environment is violent and sexual, at least compared to that of their parents. More and more people are living out the plots of movies and television programs they have seen. Not by intention, but because they didn't have strong enough role models and parental guides to tell them differently.
The need is not to put an end to violence and sex in entertainment, but to strengthen the parenting skills of young adults so that they know what they must do to teach their children fully and properly. Studies show that most teens (88%), for example, consider their parents the greatest influences in their lives. (That study was done in 2001, in Canada, but the numbers are similar elsewhere.)
Kids need to know the boundaries of everything in which they come in contact. Those boundaries will be taught by parents or by entertainment media.
There may be an important role for entertainment media to play in the lives of our children. We need to ensure that the role that their parents play is stronger and more influential.
Bill Allin
'Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today's Epidemic Social Problems,' striving to establish parenting courses for young adults before they have babies to raise.
Learn more at http://billallin.com
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Comments: 16
Namaste
I have never been good at headlines or titles.
This title is eye-catching, but its meaning is unclear.
Namaste as well, my friend.
One of these days I'm going to disagree with you, I'm sure...;)
I agree completely. If parents are actively engaged with their children and keep a line of communication open both ways it's always better for the children. If we're becoming a more rude and crass society, it's because children are being taught that is how to behave by entertainment they see and/or their peers who are equally influenced by the entertainment they see.
I find children also absorb a lot by observing their parents and if they see their parents are absent a lot from their lives, that is how they in turn will parent their children. It's not a good pattern to repeat. Children left alone to raise themselves can be a tragedy waiting to happen. And I don't mean raise themselves as in feeding and clothing themselves. I mean developing their own morality and sense of self-worth.
But, as the mother of three boys, I was not about to sit back and let those awful stereotypes live on -- no way was this helpless female thing acceptable, no way was it true that all evil women could be identified by their black evening dresses and makeup, no way were issues always black-or-white...
We had a policy where we watched movies together, and discussed decisions made at every juncture. Even to this day, my sons are merciless film critics.
And forget about commercials: we didn't watch TV except for PBS (Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, MisterRogers.) Once in a great while they would complain about being unable to talk on some topics with their peers, but these days they thank us -- often -- for letting them grow up able to form their own values and opinions.
Seriously, I think the hard part with kids is the extremes, setting workable boundaries but at the same time providing them with what they believe is love and caring. What they believe and what we believe may well be quite different, as I experienced myself.
Marsha, that line of communication must begin even before the child can talk. It begins with touch. Touch is always the most dependable line of communication.
Again, another excellent lesson leanred the hard way.
I find some excellent stuff on television. But that is material that your kids can and will eventually find for themselves because they choose to find it. Not much information we find on television can be turned into knowledge.
We are fortunate, in Canada, to have some excellent specialty channels. They may not make much money, but they do a lot of good.
juniper, I confess that I'm not up to date with Really Rotten Ralph. I will make a point of tuning in if I see him (it) on the schedule.
I see a balance in your approach to child rearing that calls for a rational and appropriate level of "innocence", and agree with Sandy, there is a degree of innocence that is prudent.