Spokeswoman says, "This Explains A Lot."
What I've Learned So Far... Today
August 18, 2006
A team of female scientists at the prestigious Petaluma Institute For The Study Of Disgusting Guy Stuff has mapped a new area on the male "Y" chromosome that regulates certain aspects of digestion in lab mice. The gene, dubbed the "Baked Bean Gene," elicits a gastro-intestinal phenomenon known to physiologists as the Frequent Advent of Rear-oriented Transgassification, or FART.
"We've known for years," said research group director Dr. Phyllis Golightly-Upwind, "that the FART was a uniquely male phenomenon. Women simply don't do it. Thus we concluded that some sort of genetic mechanism must reside on the 'Y' chromosome."
Golightly-Upwind expressed optimism that their research might eventually translate into saving human lives. "Studies have shown that a roomful of guys watching a basketball game can often reach methane concentrations bordering on explosive," she said. "Few people realize that we could be just one playoff double-overtime away from a major disaster."
In the meantime, Dr. Golightly-Upwind's team continues to study other male phenomena. They believe that they might eventually find such genetic markers as an Unclean Gene to account for the male's inability to properly vacuum a living room, a Mean Joe Green Gene to explain American football, and the long-sought-after Charlie Sheen Gene to account for men's affinity for mediocre films and prostitutes.
Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball
If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... chase all your friends on over to my Web site to sign up, so they can enjoy it too! It's all free and they'll thank you - and so will I.
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 16
My husband has told me that I occasionally fart while sleeping, but I know for a fact this is a lie. Goddesses do not fart.
Thanks William, this is just a service I feel I must provide.
Mandi, since Brenna went to sleep in God's lap, I have no excuse to offer - mea culpa!
- mike
No, not yet.
- mike
And I won't believe women fart until I see one light her farts on video on YouTube or MySpace.
- mike
Born on echoes of chili n' beans
Some may think me a brute
By the tune that I toot
If but only twas all in my genes
Whenever we're labelled, "pathetics."
But women all tend
To forgive in the end
Otherwise, we'd all be bachloretics.
I agree, it is probably genetic.
And this reminds me of when my brother to my horror was "teaching" my son how to belch and fart as loudly as possible, so not only genetic, but special techniques are handed down from one generation to the next.
- mike