What do you do when a good friend is jealous of your successes? When someone sees the accomplishments you have achieved and wish you well to your face while stabbing their voodoo doll of you behind your back? :P
And what if this person happens to be a good friend? Do you grin and bear it? Do you say something? Or do you shine it as "Jack being Jack"? Mind you, this isn't the obvious "YOU BITCH!" kind of jealousy I'm talking about here. LOL I'm talking about the kind you can see in their eyes or hear in their voice inflections.
Oh, and it's not just one person, either. What if *more* than one colleague felt this way about you?
Would you continue to shout out your successes? Would you subdue your successes to a dull roar?
This is a new dilemma I'm faced with nowadays. I'm friends with a bunch of fellow authors. We all struggled together. We all supported each other. Heck, we still do. Yet there is still a *tension* if you will, whenever books are sold/reviews come in/excerpts are shared....
I mean, obviously, if you see the successes someone else has and you want that for yourself, then go make that happen. Don't stew in your own green jealousy and fester with disdain. It hurts me to think that some of my closest friends look at me through squinty eyes. So what do I do? What would you do?
~~Becka
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 10
My two cents - tone down your celebration of your success in front of them, only tell them of major successes (not every book review that was positive or every time your editor calls kind of thing but definitely an invitation to speak on tv should be told). Lastly I would stay with them and encourage them to continue to write. The worst thing is to leave them (because their jealousy makes you uncomfortable), which will make them think that you are too good for them now (which wouldn't be true but seen from the green-tinted glasses of the jealousy monster it is).
Do what you feel is best and everything will work out.
Sure, I am jealous when other writers I know get an article or short story published--but I don't let that get in the way of my friendships!!! I don't even care if they gloat, celebrate, brag, whatever. Victories in writing are too few.
My only advice is that if these friends critique for you--well, the truly jealous are going to pick it apart for no other reason than they are anxious to find flaws because they no longer see anything but the color green. It will become harder for you to know when the advice given is geniune vs colored.
If people you know don't seem geniunely interested and happy for you, then yes, you might not want to share your news so often. Maybe via email where they have time to get their jealousy under control.
Good luck!
Becka, enjoy your success. You've earned it.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone! :P
~~Becka
Be proud of your accomplishments and rejoice in your talents. While rubbing their noses into it never accomplishes anything, you are entitled to brag if you want to. We are allowed to be happy with our success.
At some point you may want to confront them - not in a bitchy way but one that is calm and centered. I had to do it this year when a female colleague of mine (who constantly was gossiping about me) finally pushed all of my buttons and I had to say something, rather than ignoring it or seething with rage as I often did. I was nice, calm, sweet and direct. She didn't know what to do with me actually. I think it scared her, but she got past it and confessed her jealousy. Since then it has not happened - I am not sure if it has or hasn't, but it matters nothing to me.
Shay is right though - I do feel that people who are this way are truly not our friends. Friends support and encourage us, and those who don't are not friends in my book. That was another lesson I had to learn.
BUT, BRAVO TO YOU! You go, girl!