My son just called to tell me his father died yesterday. Had I not divorced him, we would have been married 60 years in two weeks. Sonofabitch slipped out on another anniversary!
My son and I discussed our feelings about this event. He said his half-brother had called with the news, in tears. Bill said he didn't understand why Stu was so broken up. He pointed out that the man had never been a father to any of his children (he "raised" six: two of mine, two with his second wife and two of hers by a previous marriage), all of whom could attest to that statement. He was, in my son's word, a prick. He stole from both his wives and all his kids, used them, abused them, ignored them, always totally self-involved, detached, emotionally unavailable, self-righteous, self-aggrandizing, condescending, demeaning and belittling. Definitely genus Prickus absolutus.
I'm trying to feel something, but all I can muster is a sense of indifference. He hasn't meant anything to me for the past forty-odd years, and means no more now that he's dead. It makes me a bit more aware of my own mortality, closes the door on an all but forgotten chapter in my life, but try as I might, arouses no emotion. I am a bit rueful that I never got the marriage thing right and that I had such awful taste in men, but am I sad? No. Grief-stricken? Hardly.
The truth is, the first thing that popped into my mind when I heard the news was, "Gee.. now I can check the box marked "widow" on those surveys." On the other hand, the difference in the stereotypical mental pictures of "divorcee" and "widow" is so vast, I'm having a hard time adjusting my self-image. Yesterday I was a sexy, alluring, available hottie...today, I'm the sad, weepy, black-clad embodiment of misery. How droll!
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Comments: 15
How very sad for him.
I think you are still in shock, although I understand you not feeling anything. Your ties with him ended long ago.
its almost a cultural ideal that one must grief over the loss of an aquaitance or as in your case ex-husband, but why is that so? why does society require us to grieve someone we dont care about.?
thank you for sharing your feelings, and continue on your life as it has been.
That's exactly the question, Sheila. I've never understood why even the most miserable bastard is suddenly seen as a saint as soon as he dies. I guess it's, as you say, a cultural habit.. we're required to mourn when someone goes to the big recycling bin in the sky, regardless of his character (or lack thereof) during life. Hypocritical humbug, I say.