Racism is alive and well today. And my family and I have been a victim of it. Guilt by association.
You see, for the past twenty years, we have lived in a black neighborhood. We bought our home when we were young and just starting a family. We were not thinking of anything at the time other than the fact that we were actually going to buy a house. We were so excited! We didn't care that our neighbors were black. It was a non-issue for us. To us they were simply our neighbors.
From day one we were welcomed into the community. Not once were we made to feel different in any way. We became good friends with many of the people in our neighborhood. And to this day, we are still good friends. We watch out for each other's homes when away on vacation. We water each other plants. We take care of each other's pets. We have cook-outs. We visit each other's churches.
I'll always remember the first time we had some of our white friends over to visit. We were so proud of our new home. We wanted to show it off. So we invited them over to have dinner. But when they walked in the door, they looked upset. We thought something was wrong. But when we asked them the reply was, "No..everything's okay. We just didn't realize you bought a house in a "black" neighborhood."
Well, we were shocked at this remark from our good Christian friends. "Well, yes, we did buy a house in a black neighborhood. Is that a big deal or something?" we asked.
"Well, we just don't know how wise of a choice that was. You know your property value is not going to go up very much due to that. And what about crime? Aren't you worried about your kids playing outside?"
At this point, I was becoming angry...and finding it difficult to believe that our friends would dare come into our new home and feed us this stuff. Our house is in a very nice established neighborhood of hard-working families. The only difference in our neighborhood from their neighborhood is the fact that the houses are a bit smaller and the neighbors are black.
Well, we managed to get through the evening. And I thought it was over. But no. Not a chance.
Every white friend or couple we invited over had a similar response. We stopped inviting them. Even our own families had something negative to say.
When our children went to school, they rode an all-black school bus all through their school years. They had no problem on the bus. The problem came when they made friends at school with other white children. The day would always come when they wanted to have a sleepover or something. This would require their white friend to ride the black school bus home with them and spend the night in the black neighborhood. As soon as the parents discovered this....they would speak of their discomfort in allowing them to visit.
My children, as a result...have mostly black friends. And I have seen a shift in the way they think of their white peers. They see them as stuck-up and prejudice. And, in a sense, my own children are developing their own kind of prejudice against white people.
This bothers me, for I know that all white people are not prejudiced against black people. Just as I know that all black people are not tolerant of white people.
I suppose we are all products of our experiences. And I think its good to look deep inside of ourselves from time to time and re-evaluate our feelings. Are we prejudice or tolerant of those who are different from us? What message are we projecting to people around us?
My children have a very loving tolerant attitude toward people. They truly don't see color or nationality.
They do tend to see "white", however. And to them, "white" is not always a good thing to see.
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Comments: 23
That argument about your house not increasing in value always blows me away. Your house is as valuable as any, not that this matters unless you plan to sell it anyway.
Every time I think human beings are getting smarter, I read something that reminds me that no, it is not happening.
Good article, Cheryl.
I used to live in Charlotte too. When we first moved there, we were stunned to learn that Mecklenburg County still had busing -- moving white kids to black schools and vice versa.
We moved to an apartment at the corner of Providence and Tyvola (I know you know where that is!) and tried to figure out this system.
My wife and I are both products of public school systems. Me in the highly integrated Baltimore school system. She in the highly integrated and diverse Montgomery County, Maryland school system. The only thing we cared about was whether or not the school was receiving funds, had involved parents and was safe.
It was virtually IMPOSSIBLE to figure out which school my son would go to. How can a parent ensure their kid is getting a decent education when we can't even get a straight answer about such a basic question?
As we learned a bit more about Charlotte, we realized that the city, despite being part of the "New South" was still set in some old ways.
Blacks moved into black neighborhoods. Whites into white neighborhoods. Private school among white kids was prevalent because their "new Southern" parents had problems with the idea of integration. Still. In the 90's for pete's sake.
So, it isn't just your friends, your family etc. It's a part of the American culture that has an ugly dark side.
Where we live here in Missouri, there's a bit more diversity, but people still clique together.
I know that, ultimately, you and your husband's way of raising your kids will have more impact on them than their friends will, in the long term.
But, in the short term, their peers are black, and they will no doubt need to conform a bit to their peer group to "fit in".
I'm sorry for your situation, but I think you need new friends. Your white friends need to be a bit more color blind, like you.
I see color and nationality, and I embrace it.
This is where people like Jess Jackson step in and make it look like whites are all the boogymen out to get blacks. It simply isn't true, and while it is unfortunate the situation many of them are in, it simply takes hard work and you get out. I did, and we've all heard immigrant stories where people came to this country with NOTHING. Well ghettos still have more than NOTHING, and if you set your mind to it, it's possible.
While I am friends with many people of different races, we all see the stereotypes and joke with one another about how I can't dance or my friend steals TVs or something. It's just gotten to be a joke at this point because it's so ridiculous.
Bill Cosby has made a good point, it's not 'the white man' or Bush keeping you down, it is only YOU.
So if they really want racial equality, they had better start living up to their end of the bargain and stop calling each other racial slurs, which I won't say on here because I'm unsure of the language filters, but we know them all. We could wipe racism off the face of the earth if blacks stopped calling each other 'niggers'. Seriously, I'm tired of it. Stop complaining and get off your ass and make something of yourself. Don't depend on others to do it for you. While the school funding is a bad problem, that's your cue to join up in clubs and organizations, get jobs, honor societies, ANYTHING. YOU CAN GET OUT IF YOU TRY. It's all a matter of personal mentality. This is America, and the opportunity is always there, you just have to have the initiative to take it and run with it. Nobody is going to live their live picking up after you and pushing you along. YOU do it.
Anyway now that I'm done with that tangent, the racism is a self-inflicted wound. While there are many civilized and normal people who are black, there is a HUGE 'ghetto' movement, which is just stupid. They need to grow up and denounce such activities instead of condoning them. THAT is when the racism will stop, when they stop it themselves.
While I agree with Elliot's point about being able to escape racial stereotypes, I disagree with him concerning the issue of racism. Stereotypes and racism are separate. Racism is a mentality, not of the ones feeling victimized so much, though there is a little of that as well, but of the rest of us. It is our own perception of those stereotypes that gives us even subconscious prejudices. For racism to truly be exorcised requires more than blacks, whites, asians, or hispanics stepping out of the stereotypical cycle that they could easily find themselves in. Instead it requires the rest of us expelling our own 'demons' - stereotypical, prejudiced paradigms.
I also agree with Marie. We should not be color blind. We should embrace BOTH our differences and our sameness. The fact is that God made us the way we are for a reason. He is not color blind! Why should we have to be!? Instead, we should see each difference as beautiful, wonderful, and important while knowing and understanding that our sameness makes those differences even better.
I believe there are stupid people in all races, just as there are brilliant people in all races. Color doesn't give you positive or negative attributes. It's how you were raised, what you were taught, what your life experiences are, and what you do with all that that makes you who you are. If you have an open mind, you will find that color only makes you different, not better or worse.
I don't think a lot of insulated white Americans could actually handle the apartment building where I'm living right now. There's a black family on my right. A white couple on my left. Beyond that, an Asian family. Underneath me, another black family. There are hispanics somewhere in the building, I'm not sure where. Pretty much every unit has a different ethnicity from the unit next to it. I don't think there is any one dominant race here.
I'm so used to it, I get freaked out when I go to the rest of the country and everything is so lacking in diversity.
My oh-so-Christian brothers (one is a Baptist pastor) and their friends are very nasty about my racially mixed urban neighborhood, and constantly make negative remarks about how could anybody live in the city, etc. I want to throttle them sometimes when they won't let it rest.
Pretty valid points, and I think the link to profiteering on racial tensions can be drawn right across the board.
Appreciate your words.