Unexpectation.

My Son

My son was unexpected. I remember days and weeks and months of my pregnancy filled with doubt and worry about this baby who was coming without an invitation. But there comes a time when doubt and worry cease to serve their purpose other than being fuel to a fire. I promised my unborn son that my heart was big enough for the both of us. I told my unborn son that uninvited or not there was always a place for us at our table.

I was honestly concerned that I would not be father enough for this boy. So I thought of all the men I knew and admired. My adopted mom told me, "The only man you need in your life is Jesus". So I started there.

John Lennon has always been a hero to me. I placed the headphones on my belly and reminded my beautiful beautiful beautiful boy to Imagine. I listened to the Beatles and reminded myself that all I need is love.

I never had a baby shower so I had one in my mind. I thought if I could give my son a gift what would it be? I wanted him to have joy and be joy. I wanted him to love and be loved. I wanted him never to feel abandoned because I knew how abandoned felt.

My son turned 3 on Sunday. His life is a testament to the unexpected. People are drawn to him without invitation. He is a loving child. He is a gift from Jesus himself...thus his name James deJesus. In him I can imagine all kinds of possibilities. I was once told we were not the ideal American family....but the family I have because of him is ideal to me. The fear of abandonment has abandoned me.

Happy Birthday Jaimito!!! I love you much mas!!!