The Storm

Good stuff! Really. I like the fragmented style of it. Flows so well.

Felt like a song at the end. I don't see it as too fragmented, it's more train of thought.

I really liked this one, Will, the fragmentation just adds to it. I think you do your best work when writing from the heart. Smiling after the storm can be cool...and dangerous.

My favorite lines are:
my footsteps are all i'm
hearing in the rain

*runs off to search for fridge word magnets from 10 years ago*

All just an excuse to use "enjambement of random refridgerator word-magnets"

Will, this is really really excellent... for use of your "Therapy" fridge magnets... :-$

....sounds like this was a flow....you know something that runs threw you in a moment ...off the cuff....top of the head....in the end....its very good......

On the train this morning, moleskin, iPod, Orbital, ice venti with 2 shots of espresso, yadda yadda.

will now that top of the head........

will, beautiful. i agree- it should be a song.

lol Wanna see my version the Perplexed Sea heehee ;-)

Stanley - its really really hard to write a future past-tense when a friend is in the midst of a storm.

Rochefort you pansy-ass corn-holing sphincter magnet, stop biting down on that pillow and let her rip.

I like the fragmented flow. I don't know the life events behind this, but I'd guess someone close to you is battling an injustice, such as disease, and you are depressed about it.

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976771687

Bite me! She's ripped on the link.

Here is the retort to Will's on the fly - my version of an extended sentiment. "L"

Oh Will.. so fine, this poem just bursts with authentic passion, gut wrenching honesty, and overwhelming sparks of kinship and love, eternal bonds that keep us in a sea of icebergs and sharks. John, enjoy this one man, it doesn't get much better!

There is a flow tossed and turned, from the anxiety of your mind; yet, I feel you meant it for a song.

WHIPS AND CHAINS!

jeez,will, there's so much feeling here. this one is a robert burns style crowd pleaser. expect major number of hits on this one, and lots of compliments from the ladies. it is one of the most lyrical things you've written.
You've got the structure to feeling ratio just perfect.

(5 minutes later, tearful and humbled and no longer laughing at Will and Ludolf's mock alpha male exchange.)

i just read this again. this is simply a great poem.
i can't believe this is a first draft. now i'm weeping, and realize how much this poem is meant for me.
i thank god you are my friend, especially at this
uncertain moment in my life's slipped thread.
the cadences have so much softness and pellucid restraint, and your use of repetition is perfect.
one can hear hints of eliot, but also hart crane and pablo neruda.
i am so honored by this. really.
you are taking your rightful place as one of the best poets on our site.
i just wish i could right a first draft so cleanly like this.
kudos. congrats. thanks.
and no more cornholing jokes please on such a sublime text. i want you to submit this to poemhunter.com

JW - this writing is personal - I might have just sent it too you, but I wanted our gather friends to enjoy it as well.
I am such a whore.

A whore indeed. Well, thank you for opening your mind so widely, and allowing me into your, and here I hesitate, but only briefly, soul. I love, just love the repetition of the "long time after the storm". Man, it brings it all home. This isn't quite as polished as some of your other pieces, but that is a sizable part of the reasons why it works. A first draft (draught), indeed. Your brazen honesty compels me to dig deeper into my own streams of consciousness. I'm nowhere near your soreness, which is so completely without self pity. Bravo.

Whore in the good sense
The best cents
Spent
On love
Will!
You never
Cease
To Please?

I feels hints of Pablo Neruda too here....
Congratulations! This is first draft?? wow...

This gave welcomed words to my own inner stumblings and quiverings and powerless fumings through this challenge with John. We are the memory of now and the love inherent in this now moment of your poem brings tears and smiles for your generous heart. We're gonna just keep collecting smiles.....every one we can share makes the likelihood of long lifetimes of them MUCH more probable. The storm will send its unpredictable weather....but I have weathered many a storm and my smiles have returned after them all when there were friends like you lovin' me back....John is a lucky guy to call you friend as am I. Much Love!

Gracias por dedicar este poema a mi pobre cunado cuando esta muy enfermo. Juan dice que tu eres uno de sus mejores amigos, aunque los dos no hais tenido la oportunidad verse nunca. Tu poema es magnifico, y ha subido el animo de Juan mucho, pero mucho.