The PMS Blues

I started on a journey that lasted many years;
I spent a lot of money and shed a lot of tears.
Three weeks of every month, I really felt quite well
But the week before my period, my life became pure hell!

My stomach got bloated, my head would hurt so much,
My breasts became real tender, they hurt just to touch.
I felt awfully nauseous, cramps shot down my thighs,
Headaches were horrendous, like needles through my eyes.

Worse yet were my emotions - I would get so blue.
Depressive days were frequent and misery was my due.
I yelled at kids and husband; I even kicked the cat.
It sounds a little funny, but I'm really not like that.

I was awful to my husband.  Battles each 25 days.
Once I even hit him in a terrible PMS rage!
My thoughts were often scary.  Suicide seemed near.
I started to hate my life and began to feel real fear.

Off I went to the doctor; that's what you're supposed to do
But he couldn't treat my symptoms; it wasn't the cold or flu.
"My dear, it's just depression and only in your head.
Take these tranquilizers and rest a lot in bed."

Next on to the gynecologist - women's health and other ills.
He said, "My dear, it's hormonal - take these birth control pills."
I gained weight so quickly and got even more depressed
The PMS symptoms were worsening; there seemed to be no rest.

PMS, pre-menstrual syndrome, was the name of what I had,
Hormones became imbalanced; that's why I'd feel so bad.
So I went to a PMS clinic.  It was many miles away.
They gave me medication not approved by the FDA.

For a year I felt much better and then had an awful scare.
A lump appeared in one breast.  Had the medication put it there?
Then a good friend told me, "Dr. X is really great!"
I quickly made an appointment, and Dr. X I grew to hate.

His manner condescending, his fee exceedingly high.
"Let's take it out with surgery before the day is nigh."
Surgery's not an option, the ovaries would still be there.
I'd end up still having PMS and maybe facial hair.

Finally I said, "It's over.  My life is such a mess.
Nothing has helped me get better; I'll live with PMS.
I felt sad there were no answers and my life so often bared,
No safe medication available - no doctor really cared.

Then I read an article in a monthly magazine
A safe new drug had been developed, great results were being seen!
I wearily phoned my GP; he's fine with colds and stuff.
He doesn't treat women's problems but he has a caring touch.

He said he knew of the new drug and would gladly prescribe it too;
He'd monitor my progress: "Let's see what we can do."
The results were just a miracle.  PMS has been put on the shelf.
The funny thing when I think of it is that I found the cure myself!

Thinking past on years gone by
I believe in a truth I will keep.
If PMS were a man's disease,
treatment would be safe, obtainable and cheap.