Cohabiting

By Christine Buske - www.datingsos.com

Living with someone is trickier than just dating them; starting at the moving-in process: it is interesting how you can get into a conflict about common objects that played no role at all in your lives when you were just going on dates or even just sleeping over.

He might for example have a special attachments to his alarm clock, or other interesting things you can only frown upon (think posters from when he was a teenager that are still hanging on his wall). Why do these things suddenly become irritating when you "stop" dating the person and move in? Well, this tends to happen when you keep stumbling on them every day! Whereas previously you were too focused on him when you were over at his place or on a date, now you have more time to let things in his surroundings sink in. These minor relationship problems are common when you jump from the dating phase to a new chapter in your lives.

Coming back to the alarm clock issue; my boyfriend and I are both fond of our respective clocks, but only had enough space for one. His is very old (antique almost), while mine is flashy and new. In an attempt to make his place look less like a cave and a bit more streamlined I wanted to introduce my own one as the designated "wake-up call". Also because I had no idea how to work his; when we were just dating I had to rely on him to set it properly. He was surprisingly upset about that idea of replacing his clock. Reason being; his was a birthday present from his grandparents and he refused to store it away. Mine was a present from my mom, so I was not too eager to back off either. In the end we found a solution for the problem by having mine sit on my desk, and keep his in the bedroom.

In the end, especially when dealing with a situation where you switch from being "just" boyfriend and girlfriend, or dating, to actually living together you have to remember the reason you are moving in together in the first place and why you are in the relationship. You are not there to have your clock sit beside the bed, nor did you start dating the person to hang only your art on the walls. If that's what you want, then you should just continue dating and not take it further! You have to respect eachothers space and try to find things you both like and agree on. Don't be too stuck in your ways and agree to remove something the other person absolutely hates, or at least hide it from plain sight. Living together and being in a grown up relationship means mutual respect, and it has to go both ways. How important is that side table he dispises anyways? And how horrific will it be to remove your anime posters from the wall? If you choose to cohabit you automatically choose to act like a grown up, so don't be a thirty-something year old throwing a tantrum because of a hideous statue or because you hate the way he arranges his books. Your relationship should mean more to you than these items, so finding a solution together should not be the most difficult thing for you to overcome since you started dating.

It is important to find compromise in relationships, which is a fine balance between acceptance what what you don't like, and drawing the line in the appropriate places. Some people actually get these small differences over with while they are dating, however some ignore them completely and are desperate at first when they just start living together. Most relationships get ruined over small things, and if you sit and think about it you should rather laugh than become upset over it! Trust me, there is more to worry about in any relationship, whether you are dating or married, than decorative differences!

When you date someone there are a lot of things that go unnoticed about the person. Dating in itself is not a good way to find out everything you need to know. The best solution is to spend as much time together as you possibly can while you are still dating, and keep your own apartment for a month after moving in together. If anything goes horribly wrong, you can still go back 'home' and try dating your mate for a little longer!