Sinderella 01: Get a Grip, Girl!
Fairy Godmother shook her head, rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation as she looked at sobbing Sinderella. Her goddaughter was in the depths of another bout of 'poor me.' All because she had no backbone! Sure, the wicked stepmother and the two ugly sisters needed a good slapping for being selfish, but Sinderella couldn't see past herself, either. And she had the drop-dead gorgeous good looks which the others lacked, explaining their put-down attitude towards Sinderella.
But her goddaughter was such a whinger – always bellyaching about this and that, and a real pain in the arse. Really, she needed a damned good shaking to get her act together. But article 1 of the Must Not Do section of the Fairy Godmother's Handbook explicitly stated that: 'Never shake cry-baby goddaughters, no matter how much the spoilt brats deserve it.'
"But I can't go to the dance with just one glass slipper – and a plain glass one at that!" wailed Sinderella. She was fishing for Fairy G. to wave her magic wand and produce a pair of finely-cut, crystal slippers that'd blow everyone away at the dance. And that horrible Prince Charming could damn well keep the ugly plain one. "Some new crystal ones would be nice," she added casually.
"How did you lose one of the pair I gave you?" Fairy G. asked suspiciously – why had she taken it off, and exactly just what had she been doing with that sleaze, Prince Charming? He had a terrible reputation among the fairy godmother fraternity. "Answer me that, girl!"
"It came off when I was running back to the magic pumpkin," Sinderella replied, petulantly. "Those cheap and nasty plain glass ones don't fit properly. But I was running away because that spunk, Prince Charming didn't notice me. Those awful ugly sisters locked me in the cloakroom for most of the night until someone heard me sobbing and let me out. I just couldn't face anyone after that."
"Oh, for goodness sake!" exclaimed Fairy Godmother, rolling her eyes. "Get a grip, girl! I'm sick of your whining!" She waved her magic wand and a whoosh of stardust billowed around her goddaughter.
For a moment Sinderella smiled happily, thinking she was newly clothed in a low-cut ball gown and superb crystal slippers. Then to her shocked horror, she saw that she was clothed in a black t-shirt; and in black leather motorcycle pants, jacket and boots.
"And now what you need, my girl, is a healthy dose of attitude!" Fairy G. said emphatically and she waved her wand again, and there was another cloud of stardust. "And that's what I've just given you. Now get to that damned dance and kick arse!"
"Hey, I rock!" Sinderella exclaimed. "No more namby-pamby!"
"Those boots are meant for stomping!" Fairy G. said firmly. "Forget the bloody magic pumpkin. That's back in the vegetable patch where it belongs. You've been upgraded to a magic black motorbike instead. Now, Sinderella, get your butt to that dance and give the ugly sisters hell."
"The name's, Sindy, fat fairy! Sindy!"
To be continued
See also:
000 Prose: Humour – Table of Contents /viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976760400


Comments: 34
I love it can't wait to see how it turns out.
Magi
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Did you know that Cinderella was probably originally shod in soft fur slippers? The fairy tale is French in origin and the French word for glass is "verre". The old French word "vèr" means "squirrel pelt". The words sound identical, and somewhere along the line the two words were confused and Cinderella wound up with rather impractical glass footware.
Now we know why Sindy prefers boots made for stomping.
Magi
I love fairy tales. And this is quite a smart update! Looking foward to the ball.
Magi
Magi
Magi, great story! Looking forward to the rest. Ah, this makes me long for my younger & hipper days, when my deepest desire was to own a pair of thigh-high suede boots with spike heels. Never bought them -- suede is just not practical, even for those kinds of shoes -- but always wanted them.