What I've Learned So Far... Today
Your Daily (More Or Less) Dose of Satire
July 18, 2006
A new ring tone has been developed that is out of the hearing range of most adults, but which can be easily heard by kids. This would make a teenager's cell phone into a kind of dog whistle that would, without bothering the teacher, alert the child to time-critical information regarding that cute guy, Kevin, in third hour, who used to like Kim, but who told Heather's brother to tell Alicia's brother to tell Alicia that he (Kevin - remember Kevin?) might be interested in going out with her cousin, Caitlin.
Dr. Calvin Mutebutton, director of research at the Sun City Institute for Really Cranky People, issued a press release today announcing that his laboratory has taken this selective-audio technology a step further. They have developed the revolutionary new Mutebutton Hearing Aid, a device that would render any noise made by a person under twenty-five years of age completely inaudible to the "experienced" ears of older adults.
"Imagine," said an enthusiastic Dr. Mutebutton, "sitting at a stoplight without hearing the bass line of the latest Eminem song rattling your windows from the $2500 subwoofer installed in the rusty '93 Toyota waiting at the light next to you. Or sitting through a movie without hearing about the most recent developments in the saga of Kevin, Kim, Heather, Alicia, and Caitlin. The potentials are staggering!"
Dr. Mutebutton's seventeen-year-old son, asked to comment on his father's breakthrough research said simply, "Huh?"
Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball
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- mike
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Comments: 21
Should be a good thing, Nancy. Particularly since it's selective silence.
Thanks Donna. Glad you liked it.
- mike
Magi
Magi, Martha & Claire, you're all sounding a little Cranky yourselves. Hmmmm...
- mike
Glad you liked it, Linda.
- mike
- mike
How 'ya been, World Cup Girl? Are you handing out Steroid-Cola at the Tour de France?
- mike
But keep in mind.... Landis is from where I grew up, though he's definitely from the sticks compared to where my parents live! Does that count for anything?
Everything I've read about Landis suggests that this might be another witch hunt by Tour officials who really hate the thought of another American winning it. I hope that's how it plays out.
Welcome back to the US of A. If you get anywhere near the A2 area while the weather is still good, let me know. I'll fire up the Enterprise and warm up the boats.
- mike
- mike