living with the particular disabilities that i have is an all-consuming business. pain takes over, occasionally - putting all my tricks of coping with it to shame. fatigue is a word that does NOT adequately describe my life, my days, my minutes. my neurological problems are exacerbated by keeping up with the energy of a four-year old. my bones complain of the humidity.
the list is endless.
monday's storm knocked out our power. life was suddenly a bit more difficult to cope with. i realized, when i was taking photos last night, that nature and my camera were conspiring to make me see the beauty in living within my body. let me explain...
sometimes, like the detritus pushed ashore, my body feels like wrack and ruin. yet there is beauty and symmetry in this - and it is STILL in the water, still playing an important role in the ecology of the lake. whenever i feel the worst, i still realize my part in this family of mine, and pull myself through...even when i am tossed up on shore, feeling broken.
more often than not, joy lifts me up so that my spirit can dance.
when the pain is the worst, and it is consuming my very mind, i still find structure within, and realize that the pain will die down at times, and flare at others.
my disabilities are so encompassing that sometimes i need to step back and see the larger picture - the meaning of my life, and my pain, and my joys.
oh, what a tangled web we weave. sometimes i am amazed at the tracks my life has taken. i would not take back one choice i've made, for it has brought me to this place.
at times, certain things stand out for me. if i walk too much, my ankle will let me know. when it is about to rain, all my broken bones cry for attention. when i am in a crowd, my neurological system shuts down, to afford me peace. the body knows what it is doing, that is for sure. it is fragile, tenuous, and stronger than we realize.
what a journey our bodies take us on. from the miracle of having a child to the daily coping with pain and its travails. yet our body WILL get us there, on this journey.
just when you think you've got a bit of calm, in which to breathe, something comes along to cause ripples. doing too much, or
making choices to assist others instead of yourself, or coping with challenges that arise...you will face calm again, once
you've settled yourself.
and lastly, finding peace within yourself. yes, my life has changed immeasurably. when i first got ill, i never thought i could be peaceful and content with this life. but i settled in, accepted and adapted...and found brilliant colors, hidden depths, and joy within.
copyright 2006, jessica voigts
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Comments: 49
I often forget what hardships you are suffering because what I see and hear through your voice here at Gather is your exhuberance and love for life. Your photos and words are healing not only to yourself but to the rest of us, as well.
This article feels like a prayer of gratitude. Maybe I'm interpreting it that way because, this morning I was reflecting on struggles I've dealt with in my past and once again became aware of how grateful I am for where those challenges have led me. When in the midst of struggle, it's hard to say, "thank you" world. You have taken gratitude to higher level with this piece.
Your selections, and indeed your choosing to tell us at all, reach us in ways that define benevolence and help reconcile the conflicts we see between humanity and pain.
Thanks, Jesse, Pal, for taking the time to put together this Art so that we can begin to understand.
The heat should be passing soon.
Thanks for sharing.
john - i am so sorry about your pain. if you'd like, please join our group, disability forum. we have a weekly healing garden article there that is sort of a support group, where we can talk about pain and disability and not feel like we're whining. you know the drill. please come.
thank you, everyone. i draw strength from each of you, and truly appreciate it!!
Remember, you are special, you are unique, you are amazing. Keep smiling. Consider it as an oppurtunity to achieve something. I know i am too young to advise but still be optimistic.
Always consider yourself to be lucky for what you have got because there are people who are worse. I know, it is easy to say, your life must be really difficult, but try to enjoy even the smallest things in life.
God bless.
Best wishes Mona
God bless.
peace.
The struggle and the imagry is so meaningful and calming.
You make the world look much more rich and beautiful through the lens of you life and the filter of your pain.
Magi
Beautifully written; and I want more.
Thanks for posting!
thank you! we're off to go dip in the lake....