On Being a Lady in this Century
My granddaughter turns five years old today. It has been three years since we have seen her in person. She was so little that last time, that my concerns were not about her being a little lady. More so, I was concerned that she was eating frozen chicken nuggets and being a little screaming me-me.
And, at five, I may be still to early to worry as I try to remember just how old I was when I began to be told how to 'act like a lady'. I am almost fifty-six now, so it has been a good many years. And, times have changed, to be sure. But I long for the old days of polite behavior and learning manners that would serve me well in my life.
My teacher was my mother. She was not some fashion model by any means, but she did have some "fetchin' up" when she was growing up too. Of course, those were the old days when you weren't suppose to wear white before Memorial Day. And ladies didn't smoke in public. You never wore your hair in curlers where anyone could see you---like to the grocery store. Lipstick was to be applied in the ladies room. No white gloves for my mom, she wasn't a D.A.R. lady!
What we were taught though was that you should sit on a chair or couch with your legs together so that no one could see London or France…
These days, I see girls of all ages showing the cracks of their behinds, tattoos, and anything else that they might want to show off.
You never put your feet up on a chair or couch either, unless you had your shoes off, and then, you tucked your legs up underneath you. And at someone else's home, you made sure your feet were firmly on the floor. Lounging was for 'at home'.
I have had young friends of ours come to my home and hoist their butts right up on the counters where I fix food. These same louts have come in with dirty bare feet and proceeded to put them up on my furniture! I had to say something to get them to put their feet down. Ugh!
Table manners were to be observed at all times. This included my brother too. It didn't matter if we were at home, school, or at a restaurant. We were taught how to correctly set a table long before we ever got to home economics class in high school. You chewed with your mouth closed, and never took a drink of anything until you had finished chewing and swallowed.
When someone says it is lip smackin' good, I just cringe. There is nothing more horrible to me than to sit at a table with people who are talking with their mouths full, or chewing with their mouths open. I don't want to see what anyone is eating. And, I certainly don't want to wear it.
I would just as soon open a door for a man or another woman, as have a man do the same for me. I know I am a lady, so I don't feel men have to open doors for women. It is a nice thing to do for either sex. It would be nice to have my car door opened for me if I needed the help, but that isn't so necessary to me either. When we walk down the street I give thanks that times have changed to the extent that I don't have to walk on the inside of the sidewalk to avoid the contents of a chamber pot, or the passing splash of the contents of the unpaved street.
Even so, it irks me no end when a man or anyone holds a door for someone and the person just is so oblivious or rude that they can even offer up a "thank you!". We have become so caught up in our little self-centered universes that common courtesy has fallen by the wayside.
I could go on…but I imagine many of you my age are subject to the same feelings of lament about our decaying society. I hear it from my friends and family all the time. My generation was at the tail end of practicing good manners. Hippie-dom may have had a hand in it, I don't know. It is just so sad to see these young girls with tattoos and thong underwear practically advertising their lack of pride in their bodies. I am sure they would beg to differ, but only time will tell. In my mind's eye, I can just see those young things in 20 or 30 years. Perky boobs, tattooed butts, piercings--- and wrinkles from smoking, drinking, and being rode hard and put away wet.
We tried to pass along the good manners, morals and social graces. "But the times, they are a-changin'". All this might be a moot point if these truly are the "End of Days". I hope not. I want to go to tea at the Empress Hotel in Victoria with my grandkids!
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Comments: 24
good for writing about
thank you
I must say, a tatoo does not demonstrate a lack of pride over ones body. Quite the opposite. If I was not proud of my body, I definitely would not be drawing attention to it with a tatoo!
For 10 years now I've been wanting to get my nose pierced. I never did, because I always thought my nose was big and ugly, and a piercing would be drawing unwanted attention to it. Now, at 26, I finally realize that I am FINE just the way I am. I got my piercing (a tiny stone) last Saturday, and I am already walking taller, admiring my reflection in mirrors and windows every chance I get. :-) I realise some people will frown, but I can honestly say that all that matters to me is how much I LOVE my tiny little stone. :*)
Just had to put my two cents in there.
Oh, and I agree with you on table manners and putting ones feet on the furniture. That's just bad behaviour!!
I have to agree with Jessica, though. Tats and piercings (tasteful ones, of course) can be a simple mark of individuality, and comporting oneself with dignity should not be dictated by appearance- it should always just be there. One of the most respectful, polite men I know has full ink sleeves and looks like a skinhead.
Great article!
Thanks to all for your comments, opinions and votes!
Back in the old days, I wouldn't have been able to go to an Ivy League school either, and my career options would have been: secretary, stewardess, and homemaker.
This is a completely different issue from basic issues of being polite versus rude, BTW.
I think overall we've gone forward, not back. Blacks and whites can even get married without much hoo-ha these days. They're not relegated to the back of the bus anymore. Women can become CEOs and Presidents, though we still have some ways to go. But everyone has more civil rights and opportunities now. That's a good thing.
Not my society, thank you very much. It's not low class. It often is done by young INTELLECTUALS and is often a sign of someone who is smart and creative.
I don't have piercings or tattoos myself, but then again, I don't wear much jewelry either. Double ear piercings aren't even that "tasteful" to me...they're kinda of trashy and overdone in my book. Which just goes to show you - it's all individual perception.
I'm not trying to be more like a man, I'm trying to be a HUMAN BEING.
Old-fashioned constrictions on female behavior had nothing to do with the basic nature of being "female." Where did God law down a law that said if you were female, you should like pastel colors, especially pink?
Since I was a child, I have been interested in things that were often traditionally "male-dominated," including computer programming, surfing, video games, science...and I played saxophone instead of flute or clarinet. Now I'm learning how to play guitar and I'm a grown woman (I also own a skateboard).
I don't like fashion magazines, I only put on make-up because I want to look good and not because I'm obsessed with it, and I could give a rat's ass about designer clothing and handbags.
I speak my mind, I'll ask a guy out if I want to, and I've been known to be sexually aggressive.
I am MYSELF. I do not allow myself to be hindered and hampered by traditional gender roles, which in my opinion only encourage women to stop speaking up for themselves, to feel bad about themselves, and to stop them from fully expressing their God-given brains and talent to the world.
I definetly am for the banishment of the thongs showing in public and am all for the showing of common courtesy. However, the way that a woman acts is no longer :::gasp::: anymore. Women have broken out of the traditional white-glove roles at about the same time they broke out of the "barefoot and pregnant" role. We no longer are expected to act in the traditional sense and can and do all the same things that men do - including act the same way. I say more power and individuality to all women who do that.
Like Hannah, we said "yes maam" and "no sir." My daugher did the same and her teachers were amazed at how polite she was. Please and thank you were required if you wished to survive, even at home. To not say these words would bring Dad's wrath down us with fire and brimstone. I am the same with my grandsons. From the times they were babies, the "Magic Word," was required.
There were no elbows allowed on the table and if you wanted something you asked in a correct and polite manner. Alas, those days are gone.
As far as body piercings, I have nothing against them as long as they are worn tastefully. But to see a young girl with a HUGE ring in her nose reminds me of Oscar, the Holstein bull that Grandpa had when I was young.
Tattoos? Again, only if they're done tastefully and no showing the crack of the butt. Tattoos can be worn tastefully and look beautiful. Only my opinion.
How we dress has to do with self respect and individuality. How we behave has to do with compassion and respect of others. Bad manners has come with the general loss of compassion for others and an ego-centric society. Teaching children to have compassion will lead to good manners.
As much as you may 'lament' the old days, I am sure there are many 'constraints' that were placed on women during these days that you are glad to see the back end of. It may seem that the youth of today have 'lost' values that you feel are important, but no doubt your own parents thought the same while you were growing up, and the youth of today will feel the same about their children. In fact i bet it has been this way from the beggining, and I am sure it will continue.
In our modern world, your Granddaughter can achieve anything she dreams of. Her needs are not expected to be secondary to those of any male she may attach herself too. She is not expected to stay in a miserable or abusive marriage. She can express herself freely, either verbally or materially. She can stretch her brain to any corner of the universe she desires, and in theory at least, she will be heard equal to that of any man.
Of course the ways the youth today express themselves may seem 'shocking' to older generations. That is natural. But that does not make it 'wrong.' Just different then your own generation, just as you are different from your parents generation.
With open-minded communication between ALL generations, I like to believe we all have something to learn from each others differences.....
As so many others have commented, manners are the oil in the gears of society; they make it easier for people to interact with one another. Manners include showing respect for other people and for their property. I don't think it is bad manners to display a tatoo or pierced nose -- but I do wonder what those poor pierced children are going to look like when they're my age! (lol)