Are You a Head-Hopper?

If you're writing your scene between two characters, delving deep into the emotions of your hero, only to hop over to the heroine and explore her feelings before jumping back into the hero's head, you may be a head-hopper.  :P

Head-hopping is generally frowned upon in the publishing community, as it jars the reader back and forth like they're watching a tennis match.  Especially in romance, head-hopping is something you do not want to do.  If you're in a steamy romantic "moment", then experiencing the love scene through the eyes of both your characters without a scene break can pull you out of the scene entirely.

Well-known authors are guilty of this, probably because they are well-known and can write whatever the heck they feel like.  But for us fledgling authors either starting our careers or trying to start our careers, it is something we must strive for, to stay in ONE character's head for an entire scene.

Here are a few examples of the same scene written first in a head-hopping point of view.  Then I'll re-write it from the hero's point of view, and then show you the heroine's point of view.

~*~

HEAD HOPPING:

Josie backed herself into the corner, anxiously looking for a way to escape, but Trevor kept on advancing and didn't stop until his hands were planted on either side of her head.  Her heart pounded in her chest as she looked into his smoldering eyes.

Smiling down at her, Trevor couldn't believe his good fortune.  Here was Josie, the very woman who'd broken his heart so long ago.  But as he gazed down at her, he couldn't find it within himself to be angry, especially when her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

Josie's insides were trembling.  He hadn't spoken a word since he pinned her to the wall a few moments before, and now he was staring at her lips, as if debating whether or not to kiss her.

"Back off, Trev," she said, trembling.

"Not until I show you a bit of what you missed out on all those years ago."

~*~

In this scene, we read this exchange between them, but it jars you back and forth.  This is classic head-hopping.  It is to be avoided.  You want to stay in one character's head for the entire scene, and when you want to switch, you end the scene with a scene break "~*~" and continue in the other person's head.  Here's the same scene in Trevor's head.

~*~

Josie backed herself into the corner, but Trevor kept on advancing and didn't stop until his hands were planted on either side of her head.  Smiling down at her, he couldn't believe his good fortune.  Here was Josie, the very woman who'd broken his heart so long ago.  But as he gazed down at her, he couldn't find it within himself to be angry, especially when her tongue darted out to wet her lips. 

He couldn't help but stare.  This woman always did have the power to make him speechless.

"Back off, Trev," she said, her voice trembling.

"Not until I show you a bit of what you missed out on all those years ago."

~*~

This scene tells you the same info, yet we are not in the heroine's head.  We can only hear Trevor's thoughts.  Now, let's read Josie's side of things:

~*~

Josie backed herself into the corner, anxiously looking for a way to escape, but Trevor kept on advancing and didn't stop until his hands were planted on either side of her head.  Her heart pounded in her chest as she looked into his smoldering eyes.

His look was intense, making her lick her lips in nervousness.  All she wanted to do was run away from him, unwilling to confront the pain of leaving him so long ago.

Josie's insides were trembling.  He hadn't spoken a word since he pinned her to the wall a few moments before, and now he was staring at her lips, as if debating whether or not to kiss her.

"Back off, Trev," she said, trembling.

"Not until I show you a bit of what you missed out on all those years ago."

~*~

Now we don't see Trevor's thoughts, only Josie's.  Once you get the hang of point of view, it gets easier, believe me.  There is a method of writing called omnipresent point of view where you're in everyone's head, but that is mainly used in fantasies and science fiction rather than your average romance or murder mystery.

So give it a try, and no more tennis matches!  :)

~~Becka

http://www.RebeccaGoings.com