Being an empath is a double edged sword. It can be both a curse and a blessing.
Empaths can unknowingly absorb others' pains. Those 'borrowed" emotional pains get trapped inside their own bodies and psyches.
To be an empath is a wonderful gift as long as you control it. Many know how and are blessed with an incredible aesthetic awareness and appreciation for nature, music and the arts. They have a wonderful imagination and use it creatively. Some use this gift in healing others.
When I was younger, I just didn't know how to control this gift and was in pain most of the time. I used to "collect" all the pain and sorrow of every single friend or client coming to me for advice. Later I have learned to "close the door" and since then I understood that this gift is precious as long as I can make good use of it and do not allow controlling my life.
What about you?
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Comments: 62
I am very empathic and have to be careful not to let people close to me come in and suck my energy dry. This may sound completely strange considering I have a very thick skin and can handle a lot of heat and conflict here on Gather. The difference is, I am not personally involved with the people I'm debating with on Gather. If I have a close friend, however, who is in my life and needy or upset, that can affect me terribly.
I just had to clear myself of a few friends who were being psychic vampires and draining all my energy. I often have a lot of human "stray cats" in my life who are attracted by my energy...in person I'm a very good listener so people come to me to talk about their problems a lot and get advice. Unfortunately, due to being so empathic, this can be very draining if I don't watch it.
This is what I have learned and told you about: close the door as soon as the person leaves and also close it for those who like only to dump their problems on you and never ask how you feel !
thank you and CU around all the time....
Absolutely! One of the "friends" I just cleared out had been calling me up incessantly, going on and on about her relationship issues and using me as her personal relationship coach...when she finally clued in and fixed things with her man (based a lot, in part, on my advice), she then didn't need me anymore and stopped calling so frequently. At which point, I finally told her, I like you, but I'm not going to be your personal counselor anymore.
Strangely enough, I feel so much LIGHTER and FREER without these types of people in my life...I think before, I was afraid I'd feel lonely without the girlfriends calling me up to bitch. Instead, I have more time to do the creative projects I'm working on...learning to play guitar, writing a book, and also going out with other people who don't drain me like that.
When I read her words I went back in time and realised I was there too at a point in my life. Journaling is good to make me remind certain things and learn from my mistakes.
To learn to say NO, doesn't mean one is selfish. The way I think now, this means that it is just not to let the selfish person impose on your kindness!
Thank you Stephanie ! great talk !
In a sense, cyberspace/the Internet has been very good to me, because it enables me to interact with a lot of people through my work, but their energies (as Stephanie pointed out about her Gather interactions) feel rather diffuse and distant.
Relatively few people are actually "actively" abusive, in their attachment to empaths-- I find that most are simply extremely self-absorbed. They don't see a world of other people, including those who have the intuitive ability to soothe their distraught souls. It is the challenge of the empath to use energy wisely.
I've been empathic as long as I can remember. As I child it played many chaotic games in my head as disfunctional families can attest. Never knowing what was my true thoughts or feelings or emotions and what was a drunken parents with violence everywhere, caused me to raise myself never realizing that most of what I feared, most of what I cried, most of what grew into youthful anger, simply was not mine to bear.
My psychic door was wide open and the pain was unbearable, at times. Yet, as I entered into my 20's, 30's 40's and now 50's and through my exhaustive search for the genuine S/self, the door is not closed as it is my choice, yet I know who I am, what is my heart, where is my soul and the challenge of being blown hither and yon by what is not mine, is a balance that I am grateful to have matured and so it continues...
I listen. I hear. I show compassion. Yet, realize that it is only my purpose to ask the questions and it is our own responsibility to figure out our own answers.
Life is good, sane and safe. This was not always so.
To greater and greater balance is the challenge of an empath and to this, we march forward with the hope of touching lives in a way that delivers a question that will open the door to someone elses truth with the courage to act upon it.
Ooooh, I don't often share this openly. My sensitivities now want to retreat. Yet, I stand upon the sacred ground that all of who we are is never to be feared. And, thus I share.
Blessed Day, my friend.
I always felt compassion for the sick people, the older ones and generally those not so spoiled by life.. The problem of being an empath had a strong impact on me after some years of working as an astrologer. The majority asking for a reading are those who goes through certain problems and the problems may not necessarily be related to health. I understood that some problems may not look as a problem to another, but it is a real one for the person in case. I have also learned that each one of us respond in a different way to the same problem; it is like suferring from the same disease but each one respond differently to the same medication prescribed.
" My problem" was that after each client would leave, the energy was stuck with me for days non stop and I was living through the same hell as the person in case. it took time ~~as Peter said ~~ to recognize that not all the feelings were mine. I never had the same problem as a spiritualist, because in this case people knows the path they are on and just want to exchange ideas or learn more about.
I could also say that I have learned from those suffering of certain diseases..and always wondered why they kept coming on my path. One day it was my turn to start having such problems and then I realized that in many ways I was prepared for what was coming.
let me give you an example: For many years now, I have a friend suffering of Multiple Sclerosis; I am one of the few friends still visiting him.. ( how sad) and each time I was to his place , he would ask me how I am spending my time..and loved to hear in detail everything..yes..e/thing ! In the beginning I did not realize why and have asked him; the answer was a question and let me share it with you: " do you really understand how lucky you are to be able to walk and see and talk with people?"
Shame on me, but I did not realize exactly in that time; now I know and I am so thankful to my friend Dionisios for teaching me before I started to suffer of vertigo and dizziness, how important is NOT TO TAKE everything for granted and how important is to be greatful for things that may appear to be simple , but aren't exactly simple.
One particular friend of mine has brittle diabetes and I used to visit her every now and then. However, I have found that I just can't, because it is too physically painful for me.
With family, I am particularly sensitive. When my girls were younger and hurt themselves, I would feel there pain, sometimes to the point of crippling me temporarily. When they hurt, I cried uncontrollably. I also used to lay my hands on my girls to relieve their pain and they were rather amazed by this.
Now that they're both on their own, there really hasn't been such an occasion where I am put in that position. However, if they needed me, I'd be there - pain or not.
By the way empathizing and identifying with another person in pain is a tricky difference.Cause in order to empathize one has to be able to identify...but identifying does not necessarily mean empathizing...
Ah!Forget it!Too mind twisting.
Thank you James and I didn't know your pain was that deep and goes back in time since you werre a child.
I always had the same experience with my daughter Martha as she has asthma since she was small and after she had atelectasia and..and...
Maura and Linda: great to hear we have therapist among us and would really love to hear more about your work; maybe both of you could write about your own experiences as therapist and share more with us.
Stress is another story in itself and I would love to share with you//later on ..what I have done to reduce stress in my life.
You are all so very nice and I am looking forward to hear more opinions.
love and light to you all
It does depend on the person, though. I have one guy in my life where when we connect physically, I literally take on a lot of his pain and emotional burden. The sad part about this is, right now, I am actually a much happier person when he's not around, since I don't feel his pain so much. A healer told me this guy was my soulmate - whether that's true or not, I'd have to say being around him is like having a "Corsican Brother."
Great topic of discussion and thank you for ulitizing my words;
"I am all done with anyone that perceives my kindness, understanding or forgiveness as an opportunity to abuse me. . I will not spend any time listening to anyone go on and on about the drama in their own particular life and not even stop to ask me how I am. These people aren't looking for friends – they just want a bartender. I quit bartending."
I also agree with a point that was made earlier that there are alot of self absorbed people in this world. These types of folks suck me dry after awhile.
Many times I find that in order to take care of myself, I have to not answer the phone or even read some of the e-mails that I get daily when people write or call and all they want to do is bitch and whine about their problems.
I can read a person almost immediately when I meet them in person. The same thing goes for animals.
I have to tell you, I'm alot more impressed with the animals than I am with people. Most people seem to be carrying some sort of agenda.
Linda
soul mates..we are soul mates with many and some affecfts us more depending on what is there to give/receive, karmic debt etc.
is it sad that you are a much happier person now??hehehe
love and light to you
The biggest thing for me was admitting what I needed. I had the week from hell the last couple of weeks, and it had come to a head this past weekend when my mother came down and not only wanted to have me read about her childhood abuse, but wanted to talk about it almost nonstop as well. As much as I love her and wanted to help, I just couldn't handle it at that point. I said, "Mom, I love you, and I do want to read it, but I've had the week from hell, and honestly if I don't start thinking about positive things very soon I'm going to shoot someone." We ended up having a very nice weekend, even though we did still talk about it quite a bit, and she unfortunately left before I could finish reading the story she had written for me (she gets stircrazy after a while).
In earlier life (and this had a deeply detrimental effect) I was pretty much a "sponge," and would experience a sort of mood-matching with my (now) ex-- hen she was angry, I'd feel anger-feelings, when she was depresed, I'd feel depressive-feelings, and so forth.
Linda's (Douglas) comments about being a therapist reminded me a bit about discussions I used to have with friends, some 15+ years ago, in which they all insisted I'd "make a great therapist," yet I always backed away from the idea, certain that I lacked the skills to not "lose myself" in the emotional states of a long stream troubled individuals seeking help. My "connective" life has been rather pendulum-like, in the sense that I have swung back and forth between periods of self-imposed "hermithood" and being far more social and "out there."
At the risk of coming across as a weird "New-Age Freakazoid," I am wondering how empathic people here "experience" the energies of others? For me, everyone is a bit like the character "Pigpen" from the Peanuts cartoon strip. Pigpen is surrounded by a little cloud of "dust motes" that just seem to be in constant "orbit" around him. Thus I "feel" people... everyone seems to have orbiting "energy motes." Some have dense clouds, some have but a few tiny dots; some move fast, some move slow; some orbits are "chaotic" and "random," while others are very structured; some have "jagged" and "sharp" edges, while others are "smooth" and soft; some are "aggressive" and "invasive," while others are "passive" and "yielding," etc. etc. Maybe it sounds delusional, but these "energy signatures" are as obvious to me as it might be for someone else to walk into a kitchen, using their nose to tell what's cooking. Large crowds (although they have different flavors) are truly cacophonous-- and I tend to avoid them, simply because of the emotional exhaustion factor.
I continue to struggle with "Black Holes" and "Emotional Vampires." I admire those who seem able to endlessly deal with those with the greatest emotional wounds... I find that I must draw a line somewhere by answering the question of when there's imbalance between the "good" I can offer someone, and the resultant "damage" I take on in the process. If I'm a wreck, I'm not much good to ANYone....
Great discussion!
I cleanse myself spiritually and physically often.
Ha, it used to confuse the heck out of my friends and I as I'd know something was wrong before the person who had the problem did.
Peter, sounds like you are very in touch with your intuitive abilities, good for you.
I don't "see" it, but feel it more, or sense it. If it's someone I'm very close to, I will feel it in my own body, such as a tightening in my chest, or a bad feeling in my gut. With that "soulmate" of mine, he didn't need to be near me at all...I just felt his sadness, almost as if it were my own sadness, except I knew it was coming from somewhere else.
When I do Reiki energy healing, I feel it in my hands. Stuck negative energy in someone else's body or auric field feels like sharp, tingly, mildly painful feeling in the palm of my hands. I can often pick up where people are physically sick just from that.
I can also read chakras with a pendulum, and I've gotten good at doing it remotely too.
Sandy, you need to "cut chords" if you are having that happen. Those are ethetic chords that people stick into you to drain your energy. Doreen Virtue has some good angel healing books with simple ways to take care of that, without having to know anything about energy healing.
It may also mean you have something called "fusions" with your energy system and someone else's. This is actually an obscure term, coined by a local healer I know, but basically it means that you've got your energy system completely tied up and overlapping with someone else's. Often this happens due to psychic vampirism. Learning how to protect your energy field should help that somewhat, but sometimes if it's really bad, you may need to go to a healer to take care of it.
It seems to me there are many "flavors" of referred empathic pain. Psychic Vampires are certainly a problem, since they simply drain our energy in a very active fashion (Narcissists and a number of people with mental illnesses fit here)-- but there are also what I call "Black Holes" out there... people who are completely "passive" in the process of absorbing energy from others. And then there are the people with whom we're simply linked... and that may not be a negative thing.
By the Way, Sandy, when you've read and commented on my stuff these last couple of days, has your left big toe hurt? If so, then I can tell you why. I was straightening some fire wood on my back porch, Tuesday. I had some company coming over for the 4th. Anyway, I dropped a log, it bounced and landed right on my left big toe. It didn't break, but it sure did turn purple. It looks better, today, but does still hurt. My empathy doesn't quite go as far as yours. I feel the emotions of others, but I don't take on their physical symptoms.
Good article Marinela; it has stimulated some good conversational comments. Thank you for sharing.
I learned, through much effort, with the help of my mom who advised me to "sift through the garbage and take only what you need." It's difficult to keep the door closed, but worth it.
Great article!
One insight..
long ago I found that like most things empathy divided pretty clearly into two types of people..
One, (with several subsets as seen above), is the empathic person who is either 'blessed' or 'assaulted' by these feelings, or whatever you choose to call them...
the other is, (once again with a couple of subsets), the playground child in life who feeling the emotions of others unconsciously decides to be a 'bully', and becomes the 'sponge', the 'vampire', the 'users' the 'drama addict' (whole nother subset there.. )..
My advice, and you'll think I'm nuts but it has worked for me.. when dealing face to face with a person like this stare fixedly at a spot about 1-2 feet just above and to the left of their left shoulder.
don't ask me why... as I have no clue... but they'll run out of steam and stop draining very quickly.. I once had one try to jump into the field of view..
L.
Good advice and will keep it in mindl when I got the vampire type I just block my senses and it is a good method too and similar with yours.
There are also the other ones that just love to talk about themselves all the time and this is draining too, but now I got the solution to that as well..not very diplomatic but useful and healthy for the soul.
thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
m
This is a very interesting subject and the comments, too. It seems like a lot of people on Gather are empaths.
Barbara: I think we are all empaths; some less and some more.
thank you both
(pun intended)
I've come across many people who didn't have an empathetic bone (just about any narcissist is a good example) in their body. But, maybe on top of my being an empath I am also judgemental lol!
thank you
love and light to you
Thank you for asking about "out of body experiences". I'll say a little here, but to really do it justice I probably need to write an article on the topic. It started about when I was eleven. That was many years ago, by the way. I never gained control over it, though I tried. It always seemed more like something being done to me, rather than something I was doing of my own volition. When I laid down to go to sleep, I'd find myself going into a kind of trance. It was as if my body became paralyzed. Then I felt an amazing tingling sensation starting at my toes, running up my body, building strength as it traveled, until it culminated at that region of the brain slightly above, and between my eyes. At that moment it was as if the essence of my being separated from my body. The first time this happened, I found myself floating above my physical body very near the ceiling of my bedroom. It was all very spontaneous, and when it started, I had no idea what was going on. Since nobody ever talked about such things, I reasoned I might be loosing it, so for a long time I kept it a secret, never telling anyone about it. Then one day I ventured to ask a friend of mine if he'd ever left his body. He said, he hadn't, but he referred me to a book. He said he'd read about other people doing it. Of course, I was very excited to check out this book. It was the first book I read about ESP, and it had a chapter devoted to Astral Projection. At last, I found information about this experience, and actual terms to use. I was ecstatic. Like I said, that was many years ago, and since that time, I've read a great deal on the subject. I've come to understand much about what out of body travel is, but mysteries do remain.
For me, personally, the greatest mysteries concern what caused this to happen to me spontaneous? For slightly more than a decade, I had these spontaneous out of body experiences, then during my early 20s it stopped. It is as much a mystery to me why these out of body experiences stopped.
There have been times when I've wondered if I was the subject of somebody's weird experiment. Perhaps something like a low frequency sound wave, outside of human hearing range, aimed at me from afar. They experimented on me against my will for a few years, found the results disappointing, or got bored with me as a subject, or maybe just lost their funding. Who knows why, but for whatever reason, they stopped doing it. Bear in mind, I really don't take this secret experiment theory seriously. It's just a crazy notion that just happens to fit all the facts. But then again, there are few facts, so a lot of crazy notions could probably also fit the facts.
I never went very far from my body, any of the many times this happened. And even though, no great revelations occurred while in this out of body state, it was a pleasant experience. To be perfectly honest, I find that I miss it, even after all these years.
Bill M. Tracer
The energy lives the body starting with the feet and finally leaves through the same spot ~~ called chakras~~ through the head. The point is not exactly between the eyes..here there is a gland usually known as the 3rd eye. I think the name is pineal gland if I remember well. You were lucky to understand from an early age that we are eternal.
I do not think you are any longer afraid of death ! aren't you?
thank you so much
Thank you for your encouragement. I am now working on the article, but to do it right, it may take a few days to complete, especially since I have other projects and will be deviding my time between them.
Bill
Take your time; I know it is not easy to write an article and I also know that we all work and have families and ..
I am looking forward to reading about
love and light to you
I am hoping to be part of a Wellness Center for the psychiatrically disabled...won't know if I get the job till later. I just hope that I can maintain the sort of emotional boundaries that such a job requires. Otherwise, I can always fall back on writing song lyrics.