by Jillbilly H.
Member since:
June 5, 2006

About Jayne

June 10, 2006 06:03 PM EDT
views: 102 | rating: 9.9/10 (15 votes) | comments: 26

Gilligan's Island and Sesame Street

Angry voices behind closed doors

Bee stings and oak tree forests

A go-kart speeding down a dirt road

Cowboys wrestling dogs by the fireplace

Horses, Flaky Flix and s'mores

Dinosaur bones, warts and Care Bears

Yellow 67's Mustang driving away

Goldfish splashing around its bowl

Poorly built suburban homes with small yards

Cats howling in the rain outside

Carl's Jr., Velveeta and TV dinners

Gazebos, softball and playgrounds

Ren and Stimpy and Salute Your Shorts

Lisa Frank and Hershey's Kisses

Ice cream, pigeons and church bells

Wedding cake, white dresses and an ice sculpture

Desert and river, Quads and Jet skis

Older hands massaging young soft thighs

Heavy breathing behind closed doors

Simpsons, Daria and Kids in the Hall

Snickers Bars and Indian Costumes

White 95 Mustang speeding away

Concrete building and blaring rock music

Fake diamond ring, red dresses and a flowered arch

Caution tapes and fake leather mini skirts

Angry people behind sliding glass doors

Jack In The Box, Pizza Pockets and mayonnaise

Dead mice, flower stems and penguins

Tears on a rocky peak during sunset

Sweet fruity cakes, Eucalyptus and records

Forth of July fireworks and a broken hymen

Lava Lamps, candles and glow-in-the-dark stars

Punk rock tree, Hole and cheerios

Bloody period juice on the sidewalk and dripping razors

Curry, Thai food and Deli Sandwiches

Tear covered phone in a darkened garage

Beaches, swimming pools, orange juice and vodka

Gold teeth, broken windows and an infested house

Guinness and Baccardi bottles by an inflatable mattress

Naked bodies rub together, though one remains lifeless

Fat Cat, Oi!, Marine Core, rum and cream soda

Steak, tattoo magazines and tears

Forties and a boom box on a dark staircase

Vicodin, Hertz Castle, late night cafes and Italian

A streaked sliding glass door, video and a burned briefcase

Crack whores, Victoria's Secret and short phone calls

Sushi, champagne, light meters and photographs

Fearful dog, Alice Cooper, converted hotel and slit wrists

Missed Planes, Jameson, big hair and Dante

The zipper, blue man, sideburns and swings

Spring break, guns, pool tables and fireworks

Graffiti, vibrators, long phone calls and road trips
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Comments: 26

John F Walter Jun 10, 2006, 6:34pm EDT
An incredible piece. One of the best 'list' poems I've ever read, by which I mean exactly that, where the personal inventory as list replaces poetic action--rare use of verbs as descriptors--and instead relies on the reader's capability to respond to juxtaposition and accumulation to create their own sequence of meaning that somehow traces the skein of a life. And there is so much subtext, Jayne--"Older hands massaging young soft thighs", "Tear covered phone in a darkened garage"--as well as richness of signifiers that point to a familiar but mysterious existence: the Mustangs forever driving away is a great example.
I may have to stop by and comment on this poem again. This one challenged me, as autobiography, as reporting, as an exciting poem. Really great execution of this idea.
Jim Jonsen Jun 10, 2006, 6:40pm EDT
interesting Jayne. You're a very interesting person. I love the way you chose to allow yourself to be known and seen by the gather community. Nice to finally meet you. ;D
Jillbilly H. Jun 10, 2006, 8:30pm EDT
Sorry, that was from me, I didn't sign out of my roommate's account.
If you haven't already, I recomend you both connect to her, she's very bright and young and takes fantastic photos.
Leah Christensen Jun 10, 2006, 10:10pm EDT
A wonderful piece written by a wonderful person.
Dolphi D. Jun 11, 2006, 4:34am EDT
It is a wonderful self-introduction, Jayne. The person and the place come alive.
Edward Nudelman Jun 11, 2006, 8:18am EDT
Jayne, what a creative way to tell us about yourself, in mysterious stream of consciousness and almost Ginsberg-esque quality. As John, I love the progression that seems to move on chronologically (I wonder if that's true)... do tell! It's great to have you here at Gather.
John S. (arizona) Jun 11, 2006, 8:49am EDT
It kept my attention even though it seems at first glance that it is something that wouldn't. I could feel time going by as I read on down the list. Very interesting. I don't know anything about poetry except when I like something, I just like it. Best critique I can offer up.
Patty C. Jun 11, 2006, 8:57am EDT
This poem paints an intriguing picture of yourself. Very effective. Not easily done with the technique you employed, but you did it well. Alot of interesting dark stuff. Your unique style and content is a much needed addition to Gather!
Leah G. Jun 11, 2006, 9:24am EDT
Oh Jayne, you're on the home page! I'm proud of you.

I agree with Patty about you having a unique style. :) Great job!
A C Jun 11, 2006, 9:27am EDT
Outstanding, Jayne. This poem is a textbook example of why good writing obeys the rule, "show, don't tell." I can only hope that your readership on Gather grows significantly, as you are leading the rest of us by example to better writing.
Mariana T. Jun 11, 2006, 9:43am EDT
Jayne - girlfriend - fantastic to read all of this powerful and flowing imagery - held me and held my mind's eye. Thank you for sharing this and keep on writing! Salud!
0000-fixedgaze-0000 Jun 11, 2006, 9:55am EDT
Hi, Jayne. This is the sort of thing I'm hoping to find when I log on to Gather and start scanning around. Actually, I'm referring to this and the other pieces you've published here. They're fresh, interesting and very evocative. You clearly know how to write, but you don't seem to suffer at all from literary conformity syndrome.

I enjoyed using my imagination to fill in the stories surrounding the images you've shared in this poem. In fact, I think I'm getting blood to parts of my brain that've been going hungry lately. Thanks for the mental massage.
Mariana T. Jun 11, 2006, 10:03am EDT
Chris, always has great and positive comments. I'm always sending him bouquets of roses in my mind...! Salud,
Onan Lovejoy Jun 11, 2006, 10:39am EDT
Very impressive.
Bonnie L. Jun 11, 2006, 10:40am EDT
Jayne this is wonderful on so many levels. I felt like I was on an amazing rollercoaster ride, with so many quick turns and unexpected drop to the bottoms, then rides up again for a few lines then that steep drop again. I love your bold, evocative style. And at the end, I just felt like giving you a big hug!
X Tabber Jun 11, 2006, 10:42am EDT
Appearances are so simple. Underlying character is so complex. You shared both. How cool.
Gisela S. Jun 11, 2006, 1:00pm EDT
Jayne - I'm like John S., no poetry critic. In fact, still consider myself very much a student of the art.

This is a piece that I will read over and over again. So many experiences and stories are here. Fascinating and revealing stuff. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Mary M. Alward Jun 11, 2006, 1:14pm EDT
Very creative. There are so many stories to be told from this list. Thanks for sharing this integral part of yourself. Enjoyed it!
Jillbilly H. Jun 11, 2006, 3:57pm EDT
Wow, really, thanks for all the great coments everyone. It means a lot to me.
Colonel Possum Jun 11, 2006, 4:05pm EDT
Jayne,

"Yellow 67's Mustang driving away
Goldfish splashing around its bowl
Poorly built suburban homes with small yards
Cats howling in the rain outside"

Wow, I've been in this neighborhood. I want to take the goldfish to the lake in the Mustang, dry off the cat, give him Friskies and shovel the dog poop out of that suburban small yard.

Great imagery from beginning to finish.

Cheers,

Colonel Possum
Rushmore J. Jun 11, 2006, 6:04pm EDT
Another grat comment. It was like watching a fast paced, losely connected movie with crisp images from real life.
Mark Jepsen Jun 12, 2006, 1:19am EDT
Jayne, I'm going to jump on the already crowded bandwagon... a wonderful and effective way to offer some glimpses into the depths of your soul, without letting anyone get in "too far." I would say that you have packed a lot of experience into your young life. More importantly, you have gained perception and perspective from that experience, where so many shut out life's harsher events, dimming their perception and dulling any perspective they may have. I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
Jillbilly H. Jun 12, 2006, 11:54am EDT
Thanks Mark
Jillbilly H. Jun 15, 2006, 11:15pm EDT
Thanks Anne

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