(Satire) White House May Provide Assistance In...

What I've Learned So Far... Today
Your Daily (More Or Less) Dose of Satire

June 8, 2006
In the immediate aftermath of terrorist leader Abu Musab Al Zarqawi's death, there is a rumor that the Bush Administration will offer the now-beleaguered al-Qaeda In Iraq their "full support and assistance" in choosing a new leader.

An unnamed State Department official, granted anonymity because he is a satirical device, said that perhaps the time has come to spread Bush-style bureaucracy to our enemies.

"In five short years, we've managed to place comically incompetent people in virtually every key position in the government, and we have the record to show for it. Why not reach out now, and share our expertise with the other guy?"

"I have to admit, Zarqawi's are some big shoes to fill," continued the source. "In fact, right now they're spread over about three city blocks."

Nevertheless, current speculation is that the administration will recommend former FEMA director Michael Brown to replace Zarqawi because, "We just think he could do a heck of a job for those guys."

Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball

If you enjoy What I've Learned So Far... head on over to my Web site to sign up to receive the column and the Today updates by email - no cost, no spam. Chase all your friends over there so they can enjoy it too! They'll thank you, and so will I.

- mike

Comments: 12

Martha Jette, Author/Editor Jun 8, 2006, 5:26pm EDT

Thanks for another amusing read. I should have known you'd hop on this one right away!

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Mike Ball Jun 8, 2006, 5:33pm EDT

How could I not? I have to admit it took some doing to come up with a funny approach to Zarqawi when pieces of him are still raining down from the sky.

Glad you liked it, Martha.

- mike

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Linda Douglas Jun 8, 2006, 5:34pm EDT

That was so funny!!! Good job.

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Mike Ball Jun 8, 2006, 5:38pm EDT

Thanks Linda.

- mike

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Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Jun 8, 2006, 7:25pm EDT

I think I'll stay here for a while. The other conversations about this topic are getting uncomfortable. Thanks for the laugh, Mike (and I think yours was a good choice for the replacement, although I'd kinda like to see Condaleese Rice take it just to see if that would get Laura to move back in the white house)

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Madame Donna C. Jun 8, 2006, 7:44pm EDT

Very clever Mike!

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Skipster Too Jun 8, 2006, 9:58pm EDT

The idea of Sandy's iconic 'Granny' resting at a Mike Ball article is satire supreme. Maybe you could offer her some refreshments, Mike...she's weary.

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Mike Ball Jun 9, 2006, 9:32am EDT

Sandy, are you implying that Condi takes care of W when Laura's not around? Shocking! Next thing you know they'll have a gay porn guy shilling at the press conferences... oh, wait.

Thanks Donna, glad you liked it.

What do you think EB, a mint julep?

- mike

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Carolion Grailbear Dec 13, 2006, 2:35am EST

You deserve a wider readership here - a little klutzpah for the governmentally bleary.

reply to this comment

Mike Ball Dec 13, 2006, 3:45pm EST

Thank you. In fact, my column was just picked up for syndication by North Star Writers Group. Just send their link to your local newspaper with a few words about how great I am, and you could soon have the privelege of wrapping your garbage in my work once a week.

- mike

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Clarke M. Dec 17, 2006, 9:14am EST

I wonder who Zarqawi was paid by. Paul Bremer was sent to Iraq to replace Garner by Rumsfeld to implement the 'Pol Pot'style firing (and selected killing) of competent Iraqis from the various government services, military and police. It is clear that there were plenty of experienced Iraqi officials, engineers, scientists, intellectuals, jurists etc. in place and ready to collaborate with the US military in the administration of a post-conquest Iraq - under the condition that their civil, military, police and educational infrastructure remain intact (and their kids could go to school without being kidnapped by Chalabi's goons). Iraqi Generals must have cut deals with the US military in the run up to the 'mock battle' of Baghdad. Turning hundreds of thousands of experienced (mostly secular and frequently well armed) Iraqi government workers and military out into destitution and setting up the Shia and Kurdish death squads put an end to any possibility of an orderly occupation with a competent structure in place. Bremer's orders set in motion the break up of the country.

reply to this comment

Mike Ball Dec 19, 2006, 10:07pm EST

Well, Bremer's got a little time on his hands - nothing to do but polish that Medal of Freedom. Maybe he could pick up the reins for Al Zarqawi.

- mike

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(Satire) White House May Provide Assistance In Naming Zarqawi Successor

Comments: 12

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