Conflict resolution is something all leaders must deal with at one time or another. Conflict is inevitable. People are bound to disagree, take things the wrong way, and/ or develop feelings about others. When a conflict arises in a team situation it puts a strain on everyone on the team regardless of whether or not they are involved in the conflict.
Dealing with conflicts can be a very difficult and uncomfortable process for everyone involved. Many people will choose to ignore the issue because they don't want to deal with it. However, conflict resolution is absolutely necessary in a team atmosphere. Over time if the conflict is not resolved it will divide the team which makes striving towards a common goal that much harder.
The hardest aspect of conflict resolution is communication. Each person involved in the conflict must find a way to express their side of the issue WITHOUT pointing the finger or placing blame. When someone is getting yelled at or blamed for something they automatically shut down and stop listening. This immediately ends the communication process and prevents the conflict from being resolved.
It is best to concentrate on yourself and your feelings when attempting to express your side of a conflict.
Communication activity:
- Take a moment to think of a conflict you are involved in.
- Make a list of all the things that you feel upset about.
- Begin writing a letter that includes each of the list items. It is okay if this letter is not so nice, the important thing is to just get your feelings out.
- Now take the letter you wrote and begin revising it. Change the "you act" or "you are" parts of the sentences to "I feel" or "I am"..
- Once you finish revising your letter please send it to: leadershipcoaching@yahoogroups.com
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Comments: 1
Conflicts are very disruptive of the workplace because almost everyone gets involved. If A and B are in a conflict, the affected workmates will divide into three groups: those who support A, those for B and those who don't want to or don't know who to side with, call this last C. The result is that the A's don't like the B's and vice versa, and both of these groups dislike the C's for not taking their side. The C's are completely confused by all this rancor. The overall effect is a severe reduction in team output.
Is this the way a team should function to achieve maximum performance or is it a quick road to failure and poor performance?
What should the boss do? First, meet separately with A and B, and get each to dump all of their reasons for being in a conflict. Work hard to get all and don't disagree or take sides in any way. The point is that you want to allow each to get it all off their chest and eventually realize that all their reasons are invalid.
After getting the dump, ask if they think that fighting with another team member is good or bad for the group and its goals. Get detailed in this. Ask if they are aware of how other members feel about the conflict. Discuss all the reasons why conflict may be bad. Then ask for that person to figure out what should be done or should we just let the battle go on. Give them a day or two to think about it.
Before your second meeting with each protagonist, apologize to the entire group at a group meeting for the existence of this disruptive influence. Tell them that you realize that it is your responsibility to correct this problem, that it cannot be done instantly, and that you ask their forebearance while you work on correction. Explain that this conflict is no different than any other workplace problem and it will be handled in due course. Both A and B should be at this meeting.
Then have your second meeting with A and B, separately. If each wants to kiss and makeup and stop the conflict, have them go out and do so over lunch. If one wants to stop, advise how to do that by shutting up and not responding to any attack by the other as well as to go out to lunch. If one or both does not want to stop, provide them with AND apologize to the group OR decide to take the highway.
That's the essence of the approach. There is more, but if you have quesions don't hesitate to ask. I have used this procedure effectively on numerous occasions and found it to be very powerful, especially the apologies to the group. This increases pressure on A and B and relieves stress for others in the group. When it gets resolved, they will know and appreciate having you as their manager.
Best regards, Ben
Author "Leading People to be Highly Motivated and Committed"