Your Daily (More Or Less) Dose of Satire
June 3, 2006
George W. Bush has asked the U.S. Senate to pass a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, saying that the legislation was needed to, "...fully protect marriage from being re-defined."
"What a relief!" said Mrs. Thelma Flapp, of Cranston Rhode Island. Mrs. Flapp, who recently celebrated her 59th wedding anniversary with her husband Clyde, went on to say, "Every minute of our lives together has been a challenge, not knowing from one day to the next how our marriage was going to be defined."
June 3, 2006
George W. Bush has asked the U.S. Senate to pass a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, saying that the legislation was needed to, "...fully protect marriage from being re-defined."
"What a relief!" said Mrs. Thelma Flapp, of Cranston Rhode Island. Mrs. Flapp, who recently celebrated her 59th wedding anniversary with her husband Clyde, went on to say, "Every minute of our lives together has been a challenge, not knowing from one day to the next how our marriage was going to be defined."
Mrs. Flapp said that she and Mr. Flapp, who have seven children, nineteen grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren, have barely managed to survive their nearly six decades together, faced with the ever-present menace of gay people forming stable families.
"Dr. Dobson says that same-sex marriage will lead to marriage between a man and his donkey," said Mrs. Flapp. "Ok, I can see a sheep or two, but marrying a donkey would be just plain un-American.
Asked for his thoughts, Mr. Flapp commented, "Cucumbers? Never touch 'em. First step on the road to pickles, I say."
Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball
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Comments: 23
Yes a comic moment is needed for this bit of news.
Thanks for making me laugh at this absurdity. Laugh, or scream.
Dannielle, we have learned a lot of new definitions in the past few years. "Clear Skies" means unprecedented levels of atmospheric pollution; "Healthy Forest" means clear-cutting millions of acres of trees; "Fair and Balanced" means bought and paid for by the RNC; and the Orwellian list goes on (probably fuel for a piece or two - what do you think?).
Linda, our president simply has it in his heart to protect the interests of fine folks like these.
Carl, you're disgusting. I like that about you.
Illusion, why can't you just use a name like everybody else? (Glad I got a giggle out of you!)
Happy to oblige, Martha!
Thanks for the good words, folks.
Luckily, there's no chance of this crazed amendment getting through. It's just a sop thrown to Bush's Religions Right constituents, and timed as a distraction from all the serious problems piling up just before the election.
You are right about the proposal being a sop, and interestingly enough it has actually irritated some of the more strident wing nuts. Boo-rah!
- mike
The push for the constitutional amendment, however, is sadly real. And while as Meryl points out, we don't have much to fear as to the amendment passing right now, the situation does point out an appalling attitude toward discrimination at the highest levels of our government.
Or, as has been suggested above, that guys really should consider marrying their donkeys.
- mike
By the way Cookie and her marvelous breathtaking twins are totally for gay marriage.
What stumped me was the whole Octogenarian and animal angle. I couldn't helf envision my own grandparents.
The octogenatian thing was just a way of illustrating the stupidity of the assertion that an anti-gay marriage ban would in any way protect marriage. After about 40 or 50 years, you might consider your marriage intact.
The donkey thing is a reference to an actual statement by James Dobson. He actually said that allowing gay marriage would lead to "...daddies marrying little girls and men marrying their donkeys."
- mike
Incidentally Lisa, I think I speak for every straight man (and gay woman) in Gather in suggesting a photo-essay on Cookie...
- mike
So Lisa, what's Cookie's old profession - or maybe I would be better off to say "current" profession?
- mike
MIke, I do believe Orwell's Dictionary should be hitting the shelves soon, except it requires that you first have your personal UPC code tatooed onto the back of your dominant hand. You scan the UPC on the book, scan your hand, the appropriate funds are removed from your account, and the purchase is registered with Big Brother. This means that the fine print on the verso of the title page goes into effect, whereby your e-mail account can now be monitored and you can be taxed for every word you've used that is found in Orwell's dictionary (with a fine for misspellings or misuse) since all words in the dictionary have been copyrighted.
- mike