"Tink, tink." It began like a whisper one morning after my husband jetted off to work. I assumed the idiot had left the shower faucet leaking. I slid into my sexy black dress with the plunging neck line and left to join the girls for our morning massages and champagne breakfast. Normally it was shopping afterward to spend an absurd amount of our husband's money but everyone had different plans that day. I returned home with an empty feeling inside with no shopping bags in tow. Shopping wasn't the same if you didn't have anyone to flaunt your money in front of.
It had been an exhausting morning and I decided to relax on my luxurious lion's fur couch. I touched up my manicure and pedicure from the incompetent job the salon had done. I would not pay them next time for the carelessness to my exquisite nails.
I dosed off for a few minutes when suddenly stirred by something. To my annoyance I heard a resounding, "Tink, tink." Even harsher this time it reverberated from the kitchen. "That stupid maid. Now I'll have to call the plumber myself. No doubt there is a leak in there," I thought to myself.
Procrastinating as I thought about the harm flipping through the yellow pages would do to my nails, "tink, tink," echoed again. It sounded wicked and more human. Frightened I hid under the afghan wondering what was happening. Minutes passed when the voice rumbled in a morose tone, "tink, tink." I wondered if I was going insane.
Every fifteen minutes the voice spoke, increasing with thunderous vibrations. Sending my crystal collection shattering to the floor I quivered in fear. It then dawned upon me that this was the work of my evil husband. He had been trying to convince me that we were not meant for each other. He obviously wanted out of the marriage without having to part with any of his money.
In an effort to unearth his miserable scheme I ran into the kitchen and hid behind the life size statue of myself. Not knowing what he had planned for me, I slung open the cabinet doors underneath the sink where the voice resonated from. Instead of steel pipes my eyes fell upon snakes. Within a blink a Boa Constrictor was wrapped around my voluptuous body, suffocating the life from me. I tried to scream but no air could escape. From the corner of my eye I saw the snake slowly open his giant mouth and felt his hot breath on my face. I could see his jagged teeth as his bifurcated tongue licked my cheek. With a slight chortle he whispered in my ear, "tink, tink."
I opened my eyes slowly and stretched. Rained poured from the heavens above and thunder rattled the windows. I was in bed. I patted for my husband but he apparently slipped off to work without even a good bye peck. Had I been a sleep the whole time? Had it been a very real nightmare?
"Tink, tink," started again like a whimper as it wisped through my bedroom. Lying still and petrified I did not know what to do. Looking at the clock I stared in hesitation. Fifteen minutes later it ensued. Switching its location from the bedroom to the kitchen I gradually pulled myself from the bed and followed. From the kitchen it led me to where the maid previously had slept. It then bounced upstairs to the quest chambers, laughing as it bellowed, "tink, tink."
I became infuriated. I had strived hard to reach this place in society. I had sacrificed much. I was not going to be scared off easily.
Dashing into the room thousands of spiders were crawling on the far wall. Aghast at first, I then realized I wasn't afraid of spiders. I sprinted and retrieved two cans of bug spray and soared back into the room. The thousand spiders had become one hairy, gigantic spider. It stood as tall as the ceiling and gazed at me with blood-thirsty eyes. With too numerous legs to count, like an assassin, it pounced on top of me. Its' weight was crushing me as knife-like fangs advanced toward my eyes when it shrilled, "Tink, Tink!"
I heard something sweet in my ears. The birds were singing melodies as my eyes sprung open. It was morning again. My husband was gone. He seemed to be a vanquishing memory in my hazy mind. What was going on? I dared that haunting voice to return.
Sitting on the edge of my bed confused and numb I heard, "tink, tink." It was starting in the bathroom like the previous days. The second time it gurgled. Without thinking I rushed to my toilet to see the head of a hideous beast staring back at me. I reached in bravely with both hands to grab what neck he had. I wanted to strangle the bastard before he disappeared from my sight. His slithering tongue shot out and wrapped around my wrist like a rope, tying them tightly. I wrestled with him and water splashed onto the floor making a terrible mess. All I could think about was that I had fired the maid. Full of rage I battled with vigor against the monster. His mouth then grew forth like a wolf's snot and engulfed my hands, clinching down on my forearms. Without warning his head started sliding down into the pipes pulling me with him until I became stuck. I was trapped. I struggled wildly to pull away. Quickly I began to tire when I started feeling a peculiar sensation throughout my body. My arms became stretchy and grew longer, descending further into the pipes. The rest of my body became like clay, moldable, and followed. I had turned into Gumby, damn it.
I was sucked into the plumbing lines like being shot through a worm whole into outer space. I traveled through s curves, ninety degree bends, and three hundred and sixty degree loops in the speeding, watery darkness. Finally I was shot out at the speed of a bullet from the muck. But not into the sewer system like I had expected.
I landed in a blazing inferno. A cave of fire. Then I saw him. All of him. His size was massive and he was perched on a red, glowing rock of lava with his hands and legs crossed. His skin was leathery red and he had yellow piercing eyes. On top of his head were two horns of fire. He sat confidently with a devious grin on his face, divulging his lengthy, razor-sharp teeth. He did have beautiful fingernails, though.
I peered around closer and it became obvious. I was in hell. I looked backed at him and he simply chuckled in a deep voice, "Tink, tink!"