Urgent - Don't Tell Anyone How the DaVinci Code Ends!

 

The eagerly-anticipated movie version of the DaVinci Code is scheduled to debut in the U.S. on Friday, May 19, and it looks like the film will lift off without most of the normal early previews for critics and other opinion-makers. Sony's announced reason for this pre-release secrecy was to "…maintain a high level of mystery and excitement for the film."

Right.

The novel that this movie is based on has been one of the most widely-read books of the last decade. It's in its 56th printing, with something like 7.5 million copies sold to date. There are at least three cable channels devoted 21 x 7 to "Deciphering the Code" (the other 3 x 7 are devoted to infomercials for Bow Flex and "Girls Gone Wild").

So I'm guessing, Sony, that where this particular thriller is concerned, the cat is pretty much out of the bag.

Or at least I thought so, until I heard about Mrs. Thelma Oblivious, of Teaneck New Jersey. She is apparently the one person in the Northern Hemisphere who has no idea what the DaVinci Code is all about (there are three Bushmen in the deep Kalahari who are also rumored to have missed the buzz, but I'm not going that far for an interview - or a joke).

 I had an opportunity to talk to Mrs. Oblivious last Sunday immediately after early mass. 

WILSF-T: "Thanks for talking to us today. So, how have you managed to avoid all knowledge of the controversy surrounding the DaVinci Code?"

Mrs. Oblivious: "When the book first came out, Father Opus gave a us sermon. He said that it was all lies and blasphemy, and that we shouldn't read it. Or talk about it. Or think about it. Or acknowledge that it exists."

WILSF-T: "Why do you suppose he said that?"

Mrs. Oblivious: "Divine inspiration."

WILSF-T: "Well, I can't argue with that."

 Mrs. Oblivious: "That's why I said it."

WILSF-T: "All right then. So how have you managed to avoid the incredible flood of discussion this book and the ideas behind have spawned?"

Mrs. Oblivious: "It's a technique the nuns taught me in the third grade at the St. Blameworthy Academy for Girls. I learned that whenever I begin to hear anything that contradicts the teaching of the church, I should simply fall on my knees, turn my face to heaven, stick my fingers in my ears and shout, 'LA, LA, LA, LA, LA!'"

WILSF-T: "I can see where that would be effective. So I take it you won't be seeing the movie."

Mrs. Oblivious: "Oh, heavens no. Ha, ha, ha. Get it? Heavens?"

WILSF-T: "Yes, I get it."

Mrs. Oblivious: "Who says religion and humor don't mix!"

WILSF-T: "I never did. So may I ask you just one more question?"

Mrs. Oblivious: "Of course."

WILSF-T: "What if Father Opus is wrong?"

Mrs. Oblivious: "LA, LA, LA, LA, LA!"

Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball