Since my older daughter had to work on Mother's Day, she took me for a nice brunch today. Afterward, she asked me if I'd like to take a drive out of the city with her, as she had something she needed to pick up.
Along the way, we got to talking about her children (my grandkids). Andy is 10 and very smart. We don't worry much about him, as he seems to have a good head on his shoulders. However, Hannah who is 11, is mentally delayed and sits at about age 5. Her, we worry about.
Hannah is a blonde-haired beauty, with big blue eyes and a body that is already developing well beyond her physical age. Unfortunately, the mind is not at the same place, so we are very concerned about her.
My daughter said she worries, because Hannah is such a friendly and innocent girl and she doesn't want to loosen the apron strings even an inch for her own protection. Then she told me a story she'd heard.
A little boy found a butterfly trying to struggle it's way out of a cocoon. It tried and tried. Finally, the little boy got a pair of scissors and very gently cut the cocoon, so the butterfly could free itself. The little boy took the butterfly gently in his hand and was about to let it fly, but it just fell to the ground.
The little boy was very upset and called his father. "Dad, I helped this poor little butterfly get out of its cocoon, but when I let it go, it couldn't fly."
"Of course not," said his father. "Because a butterfly has to fight its way out of a cocoon, it gets stronger. That struggle makes it strong enough to fly. Since you helped the butterfly, it did not have the strength to fly."
My daughter said she often thinks of this story when it comes to Hannah and whether she should loosen those apron strings even just a little. So far, she's still afraid to do that and honestly, I can't blame her. I just hope that when Hannah is free to leave the nest, she will be able to spread her wings and fly.
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Comments: 9
IMO this is a question for a professional counselor. The butterfly analogy is appropriate, but you have consider the special circumstances. So it seems to me your daughter is doing the right thing erring on the side of overprotective.
The only other observation I can share is that there is a natural tendency to protect little girls. It isn't a new thing, I remember the rules being different for my sister (2 years younger then me) then they were for me. As a parent there is sort of an instinct that you have when to be over-protective and when to let them fly on their own. I have experienced this first hand. My daughter is a beautiful young lady and I used to joke that she couldn't date until she was 35. But she remembers that once we had a serious discussion about it as a family and said 16. When 16 came she held me to that promise. I could have protested but some instinct in me said if she could remember the discussion of the risks and remember why we said she had to be older, and if she is assertive enough to hold me to that agreement, then she is ready. It was more of a feeling then a concious thought. It sounds like your daughter has a healthy instinct if she is being overprotective but worrying if that is the right thing to do. She will know when the time is right to let her fly I think,
Jessie: I appreciate your ear!
Carol: Thanks so much for your concern and look forward to hearing from you.