Resolution Time (2005)

Here it comes! 2005! I have another opportunity to think about all the things I want to change, even challenge, in my life. Every year I go through this routine. I usually select a quiet moment with a cup of tea and some jazz on the radio station, something like WGBH "Eric in the Evening." After prayer and a brief meditation, I'm ready for this annual ritual.

Why do I bother? The majority of these goals are never finally met. In the beginning, I tend to exhibit a mighty burst of energy and enthusiasm as I identify my prospective projects for the New Year. This is actually the first step, much like the twelve steps of AA where I do admit that my life could be unmanagerial. I need help to address specific aspects of my life and I must quiet the body in order to communicate with my higher power. As many others have stated, I need to have "courage to change the things I can." The reason I bother is because I believe I always have to try or be destined to fail.

So, every year, I make a list. Sometimes, items are placed on the list in consecutive years, as a continuation of effort. For example, I have tried in recent years to read a book and write a review each month. However, it's been impossible for me to complete this task. I'm good for the first few books and reviews, but then the next book may not be interesting and thus I don't finish the book or I neglect the review. However, this year any book reviews will be spontaneous; I won't be placing undue pressure on my shoulders.

I will be keeping it simple with the compilation of this list. I need some success stories and want to keep perspective on my ability to succeed with personal tasks. Being in prison for over 33 years, even a slight degree of progress in an endeavor is cause for celebration. Resolutions for the New Year provide inspiration and hope that a person can change, despite being confined in a hostile environment. It's rare to receive any encouragement through barbed wire, so I utilize this annual custom for self-empowerment.

One of the "things to do" on the 2005 list is to acquire, by offering, more community hugs. I simply regret bringing people to the prison visiting room for socialization. The process of entering the prison varies, depending on the security level, and can be intrusive and very abusive. My family members and friends have consistently been present for three and-one-half decades, and although I don't enjoy subjecting them to the rules and regulations of the penal system, I appreciate the regular interaction.

With this steady influx of people comes an array of personalities, and I have to practice acceptance in all my affairs. Patience shall be on the 2005 list. It's very important for me to be more patient and tolerant with myself as well as with others. Sometimes it is difficult to get along with myself and I must learn the art of compromise and mediation. Maybe I can develop new skills during this new year to be gentle with myself and the cast of characters in chains.

While others are preparing for New Year's Eve parties, I sit with pen in hand, reflecting on history and pursuing this mystery. As I ponder this, I think about other mysteries. The Tsunami has impacted the world community, and the disaster is certainly on the minds and in the hearts of many folks. Maybe a catastrophe of this magnitude will bring people to be more courteous to each other and to thank God for another day — and another year.

Published on www.edgeboston.com on 01-10-05