Since you've posted to the Constructive Criticism group I hope you won't mind some. I really like the alliteration in the first three lines, especially the first because the words also bring with them a really distinctive visual picture.
I felt the forth line got a little bogged down, though. While the other lines move with lightness and determination (like the cat) this line seems weighed down by the phrase "occasional opportunities." Just too many syllables.
Love the last line. I was not sure what you meant by "giving glances to all her globe," unless you meant that the whole world belongs to the cat. Even so, I think a cat is too small to see the world as a globe. I'm not sure sticking to the alliteration you've chosen is worth using a word that is a bit strange or ambiguous, unless that is your intention.
I'm giving you a real critique here, because you submitted it to the constructive criticism group. I like the poem and it was just that the one word made me wonder a bit what your meant. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It just depends on your intent.
Nice poem and pictures. I love that grey kitty. Think the alliteration works great but the word "globe" seemed awkward (perhaps because it wasn't too clear on my computer).
Oh! I miss my one-eyed grey kitty that we found abandoned when he was 10 (very much like the grey one above, only with just one eye) We named him Smokey, and he was one of the best cats I've ever had. Poor boy got sick with a liver disease years ago, and went off in the woods to die quietly.
Thank you all for the comments. We love our kitties. Barbara--yes I did want criticism. I will mull over the last line, a bit more tho Astro Girl seems to like it. Astro Girl--the word "globe" was the only one I could come up with to imply the cat's world, it's sphere that fit with the alliteration
I'll send you a few pics of my master. Cats train easily. Mine had me trained in one day. (Please don't get too close. Oliver tries to gnaw everything off of me. Whew! Do you hear anything? I don't hear anything.) He so domineering, but I adore him.
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Comments: 16
I felt the forth line got a little bogged down, though. While the other lines move with lightness and determination (like the cat) this line seems weighed down by the phrase "occasional opportunities." Just too many syllables.
The pictures are great.
I'm giving you a real critique here, because you submitted it to the constructive criticism group. I like the poem and it was just that the one word made me wonder a bit what your meant. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It just depends on your intent.
I miss my cat, too, Benita.
Barbara--yes I did want criticism. I will mull over the last line, a bit more tho Astro Girl seems to like it.
Astro Girl--the word "globe" was the only one I could come up with to imply the cat's world, it's sphere that fit with the alliteration
Regretfully, I have to agree with AstroGirl about "globe." I think it might be worth recasting the line--at least playing around with it.