Nourishment

Amongst new mothers there is much debate regarding how to feed babies. Sometimes we get lost in the methods or arguing which is better than the other.  I argue that perhaps it is not the method of feeding but instead, deciding how you can provide nourishment from yourself to your child. 

Once upon a time, I lived in a place where I had a big back yard.  I had always wanted t make a garden so badly but was afraid that I would fail because I did not know all the shoulds and shouldn't of gardening. It was at this time in my life that I felt out of step, felt like my life was wrong, and I had yet again failed at this game called life.  I was pregnant with my son at the time and his father had left me.  I was so lonely.  I felt powerless and minute.  I needed something, anything to make me feel better.  So I took a chance and tried to make a garden.  I did not know the rules or the methods, I just wanted to make something good.  I went crazy.  I put chiles, tomatoes, cilantro, onions, squash, cucumbers, radishes.  I called it my salsa patch and for my first effort I was very successful (minus the radishes and onions -- which resembled bonsai plants)  I felt one with the earth, I felt like the ultimate nurturer.  I had lost my job and money was tight, but I had good nutritious food to eat everyday.  I began to heal inside and out from the pain of abandonment. I felt one with God and blessed that he would give me the ability to know what it is to make something grow.  Making my garden was one of the top 3 experiences in my whole life. 

Now I did not NEED to make a garden.  I can buy food at the store and it would be just as healthy.  It made no difference really.  But making the garden had given me many gifts spiritually.  So breastfeeding, pumping or from the source <wink, wink nudge, nudge> brings me back to that time in my life.  As if my body was the Earth and I am cultivating good nourishment for my baby.  And I could buy it from the store…..but with breastfeeding, I am also nourishing not only my baby, but also my soul.  And once again God has reminded me that I, too, have the ability to make something grow.  And in that there is a life lesson that was tailored to me….like a love letter from God, reminding me that within myself is the ability to make something good.

Now in saying this, one might believe that I am a lactivist or think breastfeeding is better.  But you would be wrong.  I do not believe that FF is bad or that there isn't anything spiritually redeeming.  Quite the contrary.  Leads me to my cilantro story.  Not long after I gave birth to my son, we had a hurricane (Isabel).  Needless to say, most if not all my garden was destroyed.  Certainly we could not eat from it.  Returning to my house, also pretty well destroyed, I remember going through the remnants of my possessions.  I found some cilantro seeds and I thought I could plant them.  Due to the hurricane, there was too much junk in the ground and all my gardening tools were gone.  I could not go back to my gardening spot. And really, I could not go back to my home.  I felt lost again.  But because of my experiences, I knew I could, I had to adapt.  And although not a necessity, I felt I had to recreate my peace.  A pot, some soil, more storebought seeds.  Out of all that, I was able to recreate my experience.  It was not the same, but yet it was not different either.  It came from a pot and it wasn't in the earth.  But yet it allowed me to nurture.  And it, too, brought healing and relief, in a time of uncertainty.  I could watch it grow.  I could take it with me and others could care for it too.  It was healthy and tasted so good.  Post Hurricane there was so much stress and other contributing factors that to have a garden was not something viable for me.  So the decision to change the method made sense logically.....and had the ability to refill me spiritually.  And all who had partaken of my parsley (Cilantro) were nourished.  And it was like another love letter, a reminder from God that he has given me the tools to adapt and thrive.

So here's to feeding babies....BFing and FFing.  And let me close by saying thanks to God that we are in a place that allows us to do both....because we are fortunate.  There are those in these days that can do neither and I pray that God finds a way to nourish their families and their souls.