A Truck?

First published April 28, 2006

I just got off the phone with my son. He's twenty-four years old, he's not sick, and he doesn't need money (at least not from me). Under these circumstances a call from him pretty much ranks right up there with a call from the Pope.

"So, what's up?" I asked, figuring that if His Holiness needed to get hold of me he would just have to make do with voice mail.

"Well," my son said, "I'm shopping for a new truck."

"A truck?" I replied. "Why?"

"What do you mean, 'Why?'"

"I mean, 'Why?' as in, have you taken up carpentry? Or ranching? You work in an office and live in an apartment. Why would you need a truck?"

"People always need trucks."

"Carpenters and ranchers do."

"What if I was going to move? I'd need the truck to haul all my stuff."

"Are you going to move any time soon?"

"No. But one of my friends might."

"Why can't they buy their own truck?"

"Don't be stupid."

"Sorry. So what kind of truck are you thinking about?"

"A Petro-Slurp 250, with a Twin-overhead Something and a Turbo Otherthing."

"That sounds expensive."

"Not really. In fact, I'll actually save money."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, first off, it will be cheaper than fixing my car."

"Does your car need fixing?"

"Well, no. But it will. Eventually. Probably."

"If you were to put as much as the truck payment into that car every month, you could replace everything, including the ashtray, in less than a year."

"You're just not seeing the big picture."

"Apparently not. So what about fuel economy? That Petro-Slurp is going to burn some gas."

"It's actually almost as good as the car."

"Doesn't your car get about twenty-five miles per gallon?"

"Well, yeah."

"And the truck gets, what, eight?"

"Nearly eight and a quarter."

So the truck uses just about three times as much gas."

"See, that's not all that much different."

"Yeah, at almost three bucks a gallon, you'll hardly notice."

"Plus, I have my motorcycle. I can save gas by using that to drive back and forth to work."

"True. That will be a particularly attractive option in the eight months a year that have "r" in them."

"There are usually some decent bike days in September and April."

"True enough. It's good to see that you've done your homework."

"Besides, what do you care what I spend?"

"Hey, I spent a third of my life saving up to put you through college. Now it's your turn to save up to put me in the nursing home."

"See, there's another good thing about the truck - I can use it to move you into the nursing home."

"Well, I wasn't planning on doing that for at least a few more weeks. Anyway, it sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Ok, so what are you calling me for?"

"I just needed to hear your opinion."

I smiled away the lump in my throat. "Son, my opinion is, if it makes sense to you and you're sure you can afford it, you should go for it."

"I knew you were going to say that, sooner or later."

"Yeah, so did I. Do you need to hear my opinion on anything else?"

"Not right now. Bye Dad."

"So long, Son."

Copyright © 2006, Michael Ball