good enough

About the "I was impacted":

I was trying to find a word that rhymed with "distracted" and that described the feelings present when hit with the realization of deep loss--sort of like a meteor impacting the earth.

Oh, my day is complete! I've found another song writer.

Have you given thought to the chord structure and melody for this song. I strummed through with a guitar in A Minor. I found that that internal rhythm of the words work nicely in 4/4.

It would be interesting to hear how it sounds.

i can hear melissa ethridge singing this!

Thanks, all.

And Charlie, if you can find the tune it would be so cool. I never think in terms of chord structures or melody. I focus on the rhyme, rythym and wordplay instead. I really wanted to be a drummer, but my family was never supportive of that--although they did buy me an Egmond guitar once (really poorly made, but okay for a little kid to learn from).

I did go to Parochial school where this nun was really into The Sound of Music. Also, there was this one time that a folk singer played for us in fifth grade, and when she sang and played, "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down." After that, all I wanted to do was play an instrument. (My sister got a better guitar AND a claranet, neither of which she plays, though she does play bagpipes with her family.)

And I'm not all that bitter at my sister...:D

I especially like the repetition in what I'll call the chorus parts "(wasn't I good enough)". It's almost like a new poetic form. Really fresh.

It's really personal, and I put a high premium on that also.

I am really uncomfortable offering criticism, but here's my first and imperfect attempt:

- "impacted/distracted" feels a bit forced where it's located, as though it was chosen largely for its rhyme. I *like* "I was impacted", and "you seemed distracted" I like even more. They certainly belong in there, but it could maybe come elsewhere in the piece. On the other hand, distracted and impacted are nicely opposed states of being that add tension, so don't take my suggestion too much to heart.

- I've heard "more than life itself" in other places. Perhaps you could look for another phrase that carries the same emotional weight while at the same time catching the reader by surprise.

All in all, it's very nice. I liked it a lot.

Ron, I see your point about the cliché you mention. It's not easy to get past that and say something too surprising...most people tend to turn away from something that seems "too original." Still, I'll try to turn a few phrases around and if I find anything better, I'll edit it.

Very well written, I can feel the pain in this writting.

Cynthia, when I first read it, I didn't get that it was a song. That changes some things for me. In a poem, the words are forced to carry the whole show. Songs need to be accessible, so a broad group of people can relate to it, and so what I may have implied was a "cliche" - I didn't mean to say I've heard it that much : ) - that phrase is entirely appropriate in a song.

There are quite a few songwriters out there that avoid any attempts to broaden the appeal of the song, and focus entirely on their "unique" experience in life. That's okay, but I prefer songs written for others to appreciate, and this is what I believe you've done here. For a song, there are excellent lyrics.

Thans, Ron. I value your opinion as a professional. It was my mistake not to mention in the title that these are lyrics as I usually tend to do.

Yes, but you did put in your tags both song and lyrics : )

That is true. Still, I do tend to do more than just add tags to my lyrics. It helps people anticipate what I'm going for.