Yo Soy Lactista

I don't consider myself a "lactavist" but I am certainly "l-active". Yes, I am a breastfeeding, back-at-work pumping mama. I can now lock and load my weapon of choice (Avent Isis) in 2 minutes or less. No electric pump for me...I can manually pump at a rate of 1 opm....that is one ounce per minute for those of you unfamiliar with this unit of measurement. I have successfully estimated the number of breast pads needed to stem the flow of progress from dampening my corporate wonderwear. What I haven't figured out yet is how to find a place to pump (or as we l-actives refer to it... "p2p"). It is a day to day battle trying to find a quiet, clean, windowless office where I can unleash the huddled masses, yearning to breathe free so that I might be able to get the nourishment that my baby needs. Currently, our office building is under construction, making places which would be ideal "p2p's" a hot commodity. I decided I must make peace with the Goddess of Admin Administration (and if you are honest...they really are Goddesses...as they keep us looking organized and looking good to fellow mere mortals). This wonderful lady has me on speed dial and email alert to notify me of empty offices of the ill or vacationing staff, but when we say words like breast, pump, milk or the like... we speak in hushed tones....as if speaking of contraband and where it could be trafficked….."Black Market Breastmilk"….shhhhh! It is easy to say the word "breast" in a sexual connotation...but add "feed" to the end and watch 'em squirm. It so raises the shock level without the slightest shred of effort. Usually there are no offices available and I am regulated to covert operations or "l-activity" in the public bathroom. At first, I was embarrassed of the squishy squish sound of my pump, but then I realized...if you stay in a bathroom for about 15-20 minutes...someone is going to make a sound infinitely more embarrassing. (You know it's true.) Then sitting in there, with nothing to do but pump, ideas start to enter your head...like inviting someone from HR to lunch....in this very stall. I wonder what the result might be. Maybe there is a budding lactavist somewhere in me after all.