In addition to the traditional offerings most generous, doting parents lavish on a child, mine infused a lifeline to their unrestricted generosity. They gave me the world, by allowing me to see the people in it without filters. They augmented their love for me by inviting the world in to love me with them, and they backed me to the wall where I had a wide-scope, eye-level view of people, without ever having to look up or down at anyone.
Through that wide scope, I learned invaluable lessons about perception. No matter how much one person belittles other, misquotes or misrepresents them, ignores facts or logic, or deprives others of what he has, none of that increases the wealth or intelligence of the first person. Even when that person puffs his chest and sneers down his nose at a dropped head, the person wearing that dropped head maintains his original wealth and intelligence. Perception is the only thing a bully affects, and it only favors him in his own mind.
No one becomes honest or patriotic by calling another a liar or a traitor. People are what they are, and no amount of name-calling or swearing otherwise will change that. One man can't drink another thirsty. Contrast does not produce, assumption will not build, fear will not protect, and denial cannot erase. Perception does not replace experience or knowledge.
That scope also showed me we have no absolute control over what we receive, but always have control over what we give. When we tap out on receiving, we will always have more to give. I also noticed that what we give comes back, although seldom from the people we have given to, often in a different form, and usually more valuable than we'd imagined. Those who count favors and pennies often cheat themselves.
I treasure all of these lessons, but appreciate seeing myself as part of the bigger picture more than any other. I was unlike any other person in that wide scope. There might have been a dozen other white-skinned, blue-eyed, tall females present, but they wouldn't all be able to type eighty-five words a minute or ace their exams without studying. I knew my father would be home for dinner every night, help me with my homework, and drive me to my music lessons. My mother would have breakfast on the table and my school uniform ironed when I came down the stairs in the morning. But that didn't mean any other parent would, or every other parent could, do the same.
Where did I fit in, since I had done nothing to deserve my special status? For me, the answer was simple. I fit in the bigger picture by wanting to be there, and by sharing my parents with the world.
Here they are world – I will continue to do my best to share what they have given me.


Comments: 33
THANKS
I love the language in this article... especially the contrasts, the give and take, and this and that approach....
And I love this line: "Perception is the only thing a bully affects, and it only favors him in his own mind." Incredible.
You are such a wonderful writer.
CHARLES – Thank you, and I'm happy to meet you. I'm terrible with names, so please forgive me if we've met before and I don't recognize your cute yellow head. I'm going to check out your page now where I'll probably recognize you by your articles and feel like an idiot.
CAROL – You pass it on here, and I'm sure you do everywhere else.
FAITH – This is so great, hearing from so many others who had the same experience. And each of us hoping we've done the same with our own children. I believe we probably have, and there's hope for another generation or two of bleeding heart liberals! Yes!
NANCY – I do feel very lucky to have been born into the circumstances I met when I got here. I don't know anyone I would trade places with. Thank you for the kind critique of my writing. That means a great deal to me
"Contrast does not produce, assumption will not build, fear will not protect, and denial cannot erase. Perception does not replace experience or knowledge."
MICHEALE - thanks again. It is a wonderful gift, and I needed to revisit this since I tend to think of my mother only in past tense. It's nice to 'bring her back' sometimes. (for those who don't know, my mother is still alive, but strokes have taken her mind and she doesn't like me most days. I only talk to her when she has a clear day and calls me, which isn't often.)
Wow. What a great sentence. This is a wonderful article, so well written and true. You are very fortunate to have had the parents you had. We are all very fortunate that you share their teachings added to by your own wisdom and voice with us.
Thanks.
CENA - If I have any criticism of my parents, it's for not insisting we stand on our own. If I hadn't been so head-strong and indendent, they would have carried me forever. In some ways, they still do, emotionally. I'm glad you have happy childhood memories, too.
Agreed, my parents' actions spoke ten times louder than their words.
They gave me a ticket to the world that I will forever be grateful for.
Nice piece.
I have always tried to follow a lonely path--enjoying my own group while not looking down on the others. I am happy to be male and enjoy the company of other men, but not at the cost of looking down or closing myself off from women. I am pleased to be American, but not if that makes me xenophobic. I am happy to be Jewish, but not if that makes me condescend to non-Jews. I enjoy the advantages of being white, but not if it leads to an unfounded sense of racial superiority. Etc. So I think patriotism (being willing to kill people of other nationalities over land (or religion) is insanity. Rather than die for some piece of land, i would rather move to another. As much as I love people with whom I have things in common, I have always been fascinated and educated by people who are different and offer a fresh perspective. One of my life's great joys was the three-year period I lived in Europe--and therefore came to view the US from a very different perspective. It made me realize that first and foremost I am a citizen of (this highly endangered) planet, and that, while I truly love my country, it's Republican leaders are doing more to endanger the entire planet, poison everyone's future grandchildren and engender worldwide anti-Americanism through Bush's selfishness, false sense of U.S./Protestant/Wealthy elite superiority to others, ignorance and arrogance.
Thank you for reminding me of that!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone in the world had parents like yours?
GEORGE - great point - the actions are the important part. Happy you got the ticket!
AILEEN - I agree. thanks for reading and commenting.
ERNIE - congratulations! thirty years is a long time, and your smile says they've been good ones
STEPHEN - thank you
ALAN - thanks - for stopping by, and for saving me the trip back to that article. I liked it so much I had planned to come back and read it again tonight.
CLARE - you're so kind - thank you
HEATHER - thanks, but don't give me too much credit. Along with my open-mind comes an open mouth that I used frequently on grumpy Republicans ;-)
LIZ - thank you for the wonderful compliment, and for taking time to share your wisdom in your comment. You're so right - where we came from doesn't have to determine where we'll end up. I'm just getting to know you, but have seen your strength (as well as your soft side) already. Now, hearing the comment from your husband, I imagine I would enjoy knowing both of you - you sound like fun!
GISELA - thank you for finding things in my article that mean something to you. I used to write just for me - journals, poems, drawers full of stuff, and I enjoyed that. The great part about sharing what I write is hearing that it opened a door for someone else. I have a feeling my daughters are learning a great deal from my mistakes, also (at least I hope so)
JESSIE - Lucky I don't wear make-up any more. You are going to make me cry. Thank you.
CARL - Sigh. Next life, I promise I'll run. Will you come back for that? It would be wonderful if everyone had parents like mine, or if everyone wanted to be parents like mine. Although, we could do without my mother's laugh. Thanks, Carl, I appreciate the vote!
I happen to think it does at times.
Nothing is received until it has been accepted, thus you do have control via what you accept into your life. Hence you accept only the 'good' and let the 'negative' pass by unreceived. But I think you already know that.
Magi
MAGI - Thanks. I love your observation. I think I know that, but wouldn't have put expressed it as well as you have.