Babies in the Visiting Room

Most prisoners rarely use the visiting center. They may never see the inside design and settings. Although for some it is the social hub for interaction with family members and friends, there is a contingent of convicted felons who fail to maintain connections to their community. For these men, relationships may have been damaged beyond repair due to reckless and irresponsible behavior. No hugs and kisses from the Mrs. on Valentines' Day, Christmas, or the Birthday. It may be difficult to believe, but there are human beings in Massachusetts prisons who have not embraced another living soul for many years.

I am fortunate to be blessed with a large network of family and friends. Though I felt neglected on Valentines' Day, I feel loved and cared for by many people on a daily basis. One of my greatest joys is to greet infants and toddlers in the confines of the visiting center. The melodic sounds out of the mouths of babes do echo, though not very often, off the walls of this location. It's a primary area where, depending on the particular prison's security level, family members and friends share moments of loving kindness with those in chains.

Recently a month-old baby offered a gift to me in grand form. It was a very articulate message from someone who just arrived in our world. I had greeted her with a few funny faces and she returned my gestures with a smile, which I interpreted as a signal for more dialog. So I lifted her high above my head and within seconds she deposited portions of a prior feeding onto my dreadlocks. While the entire visiting center erupted with hysteria, I felt no humor as I desperately tried to remove the stain. There were comments from all directions: Someone said it was good luck; another person claimed it builds a closer bond with the infant. I even heard something about a nice conditioner for the dreads — imagine that!

I value my interactions with the infants and toddlers, whether biological or community connected. In 1976, I initiated a friendship with a young woman who had a two-year-old daughter. This friendship evolved further and eventually we married in 1985 during a 48-hour furlough. The wedding was held at the Jamaica Pond boathouse.

During those initial moments, that two-year-old was quite defiant and required much patience as well as attention. She monitored my movements and listened intently to conversations with her mother. One of her clear messages was that she required equal time, like a political candidate, and any connection with her mother definitely involved this only child. She visited on a regular basis with her mother, and the dynamics were always interesting. Knowing of my penchant for wearing my only white shirt, she regularly would be prepared to dirty my clothes. A very healthy relationship had always existed between herself and her biological father. My role was to offer another adult male example to view and to be present for her.

This two-year-old daughter is now a beautiful 30-year-old married woman with an advanced degree who teaches at-risk youth in a public high school. Over the recent years, interactions have been less frequent. It's difficult to maintain strong ties while the situation remains dismal. In addition to my step-daughter, I have over 25 biological nieces and nephews, and there is another group of young people from a variety of communities with whom I've formed bonds over the years. But there is a limited amount of activity, vis a vis, very little progress in the growth and development of my relationship with toddlers, infants, and children.

Prison policy makes it very difficult for parents to be involved in the lives of children, and that is unfortunate as well as counterproductive from a rehabilitation stand-point. Adult offenders would be more likely to change negative behavior upon realizing the impact of such activities on the family. In that light, the single presence of babies in the visiting center has a tremendous influence on the environment and the hearts of men.

Published on www.edgeboston.com on 03-01-05