Forgiveness is Not Easy But Neccessary (1998)

At a recent program meeting, I listened to a woman share a story of loss, pain, recovery and survival. Her mother was killed in the Midwest by two youths about five years ago. The initial feeling of revenge changed as she sought answers to important questions about her mother's death. Why was she killed? What was her demeanor during the last moments? Did she say anything? The only individuals with answers to these questions were confined in a six by eight cell within a maximum security prison. So this brave soul prepared herself for a visit with the youth responsible for the murder of her mother.

Law enforcement personnel rejected her attempt to connect with the defendants for the purpose of emotional healing and closure. After months of battling bureaucratic chaos, she made contact with the mother of one youth and asked for permission to accompany her to a prison visit. During the brief moments in the visiting center, she was able to present and confront a few emotional issues with the person responsible for traumatizing her life, as well as her entire network of family and friends in the community.

Until one is able to forgive the individual may continue to be a victim. This experience taught me that forgiveness is the first step for the survivor. It is time to heal, but the victim and relatives of the offender must be willing to participate in this process. Forgiveness is not easy to offer because of the grief and suffering after losing a love family member or close friend, but it is necessary.

Being unable to make direct amends to the victim, I try to offer condolences to injured people and be a positive example to others. After witnessing the presentation of this woman, images of the family of John Labanara are called into focus twenty-seven years later. It is still very important for me to recognize the suffering of others, including family and friends, because of my behavior. God knows that my remorse is genuine and through prayer and meditation we will continue with the journey.

Published in Outlook on Justice  in Oct. 1999