He seemed almost too good to be true. Maybe it was in comparison to the others I had dated. Maybe it was his naïve, fresh look at a whole new world. Probably, it was my fascination with everything different about him.
However, as the fascination wore off, I realized too good wasn't perfect. Soon enough, what started as a few quirks turned into annoying questions. Why did a single man have a box of tampons on the back of his toilet, and why the heck did he refuse to eat the last bite of food on his plate?
For a long time, I figured someone had left the tampons behind. That theory went out the door when that box disappeared and a new one replaced it. Finally, I asked.
He shrugged. "Why not? I put toilet paper there. I thought it was nice."
After that, I left tampons out for my guests, too. Why not?
Since that was so easy, I brought up the last bite. "Why do you always take more than you'll eat? I just have to scrape it off your plate?"
He shrugged. "I wanted you to know I had enough. In my country, that's courteous."
Aha! In his country, they do things differently. What seemed inconsiderate to me was considered a polite gesture in his country.
After that, I never held back a question. There were many differences between cultures, and the more we asked and answered, the more we understood about each other.
These are the kinds of things I hope we will discuss in this group. What makes two people see things differently? Whether it be the difference between nations, states, socio-economical groups, religions – why are we the way we are, and how can we learn to embrace these differences and enjoy one another?
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Comments: 33
it seems a bit confusing but its the reality lived with. Here's hoping to find more common ground with this group.
(I think that's the way you Americans do it)
One of the reasons I hang around this site is to try and untangle the cultural differences that divide and unite us.
After so many articles read, and comments posted and recieved, I still find myself running into cultural sensitivities and concerns that I had no idea existed.
That our cultures are so alike, in so many ways, just makes it even more confounding.
I join with Spencer in hoping that we will find common ground - but I do hope that the startling differences will also be highlighted.
I agree - by discussing whatever (be they differences or similarities) we learn more and open the doors to understanding and tolerance. Hence we grow together, and not apart.
Magi
Regarding tampons--a few women friend of mine said people should have tampons in the powder rooms of their homes so women who are visiting don't have to worry when they've got their cycle. They said they can't count the times they've ran into problems because they'd forgotten to put one on their bags. I thought about that, and it made a lot of sense.
Yahooeey!
Let's call the whole thing
on. Right on! Thanks for the invite, Sandy!
Spencer, I hope you'll share your Greek/Polish festivals with us. (I might even drive down if you tempt me with grape leaves and promise we can visit Becky). Already, you bring up a great topic, and one I'm curious to explore with the group and see how it applies across the board (or US portion anyway). In other groups, I've noticed experiences vary from state to state, and even between big-city and small-town experiences. It's hard for me to think 'African' without asking clarification first. I've met many people who call anyone with dark skin African American, even if the person in that skin comes from Cuba or Columbia and is visiting the United States, as though African American is a race. In my area, I don't see negativity so much toward African traditions and clothing as I do toward African-American culture. For example, where I live, an event with (forgive me and correct me if I'm using 'wrong' language or terms) African music, food, clothing, dancing, would attract a wider range of people than a rap concert attended by kids in hip-hop clothing. I hope I've expressed this in a way that makes sense. If so, and you want to pursue it, I think the topic deserves an article (hint hint). If not, question me until I do make sense.
JAMES – did you slap a knee when you said yeeee-hah? (that's the way this American does it – then I grab the poor knee and whine about aging). Thanks for hanging around to untangle the differences – maybe we can bridge the divide. I think open dialogue is the only way to expose and deal with sensitivities – so I hope having this forum specified for exactly that purpose will open many doors. And I agree – the startling differences MUST be highlighted. How can we appreciate things we aren't willing to look at?
LISA – Your willingness to connect, learn, teach, love everyone is evident all over this site. Your love is an asset to any community and I'm so happy you've come to share it here.
MAGI – I like that – growing together instead of apart! Let's make that our motto.
DAMIAN – that friend ended up being my first husband. He is from Bolivia – a country of beautiful people. Thanks for continuing the tampon discussion. I used that story because after I cleared up the question with him, it made me question why my own culture treated a normal body function like something dirty we had to keep secret. I never again whispered, "does anyone have a tampon", and I didn't wait until my daughters were 'of age' to discuss this issue. Years later, when a first date took me to a night club and suggested I leave my purse in the car so I wouldn't have to worry what to do with it when we danced, I was able to say, "Sure, but you'll have to carry my tampon and cigarettes in your pocket," without being the least bit uncomfortable.
BARBARY – thanks for joining and for the vote of confidence on the idea. I think it should be very interesting, and am glad to see others agree.
KR – I did submit this article to other groups I thought might be interested in the topic, and understand how that might have been confusing. There are NO culturally inept questions – questions are a GOOD thing here ;-)
RICHARD – I'm full of questions (didn't get this nosey reputation without working hard for it). I'm grateful for the compliments – and like you back! – so much so that I'll forgive that little fib and just hang on to the maavelous for the day.
NANCY – I'm breathing a big sigh of relief. I wasn't sure how this would go over. I love hearing that others were looking for the same connection. This felt like the missing piece to me, so I'm glad I followed my instincts and gathered those who shared this want. Can't wait to see what you do with your assignment.
AILEEN – so happy to share this intrigue with you. I have to see the world through everyone else's eyes, because mine aren't making the trips to see for themselves. How great it is that we can sit in our own homes and the world will come to us this way. I look forward to sharing this trip with you.
Jan, can I say tomata? Nah, I won't. Won't say 'mater, either, even though many around me do. Found out the other day my granddaughter doesn't know the difference between a tomato and a potato. Gonna have to talk to my daughter about feeding her children vegetables.
FAITH – I'm glad you bring up the diversity within a culture. Recently, I went into a Mexican store and the women behind the counter refused to acknowledge I was even there. Finally, another customer asked if they were going to wait on me. One said, "no, she's Puerto Rican." And she didn't! I'm not, don't know why she thought I was. The only friends I had in the neighborhood were Cuban. ??? I see these micro divisions within the bigger cultures all the time and it'll be interesting to discuss them here.
CHRISTOPHER - So true! Thank YOU for joining.
And I'll say "She'll be right mate" 'cos that's what Kiwis say alot of like my kulchar friends above from across "the ditch". hoorooo there cobbers.
On the serious side; some years ago we had a most wonderful Maori comedian who died at far too young an age. His name was Billy T. James and he did wonderful TV shows which gave Maori a new outfront way to laugh at themselves in much the same way I'd heard Irish people do. Of course there is a need to be sensitive and examine all sides of the coin and learn from our interaction. So in regards to the tampons Sandy. In this country what you are saying about would probably be a no no in a Maori home. Menses is still a tapu (sacred) subject. I got severly told of by a nephew on my husband's side for sharing a poem I'd written on the subject.
Carolyn – Please – do come along! And keep saying those cute things (and be sure to tell James and Nicola to explain bewdy?? Is that a body part?
Benita – happy to connect ;-) Thanks for the compliment. I like that you mention laughing at ourselves. If I tell all my secrets somebody will think I'm insane – but that's okay. I spend half my time laughing at myself. It's good for the soul, and I do believe laughter is good medicine, so it's healthy too. Now, I'm just gonna hope I go through menopause before I get to Maori and have to deal with the tampon issue.
Here is my share:
Salamu Alaikum ( this means peace be upon you ) in Arabic. Now you know what to say when you meet or leave an Arab :)
You can always drop by and send any of your questions, I am honored to be a help to you.
Salamu alalikum
it is Salamu Alaikum